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Re: overwhelmed and alone

Message 11 of 13

I'm so sorry for your pain. My husband passed less than 2 years ago, so I understand exactly how you feel. Please check online and see if there are any senior citizen centers near you now or where you intend to move and reach out to them. Also, volunteering at schools or other places in the community will give you an opportunity to be among people.

I'm praying for you!

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Valued Social Butterfly

Re: overwhelmed and alone

Message 12 of 13

I am very sorry, Nora1955, that you are having to go through all this painful change in your life.  I remember those days well.  It is hard, no doubt about it.


I have now been a widow for going on 13 years and it seems just like yesterday if I sit and think about it.  My husband and I also worked together so we were pretty much together 24/7 for the 38 years we were married before his death.


I opted to stay in our (pretty large) home with acreage  in a rural area.  But I have done a lot of cleaning out and scaling down of stuff.


Yes, kids do have to go on with their lives.  They are experiencing their destiny just like we did ours.  


Something that my daughter and I did one year shortly after the death of my husband and her father was to create an actual family tree for Christmas.  We grabbed about a 5' tree limb from the yard, spray painted it white and then took old photos of the family and made them into ornaments.  We still grab up any tiny frames we see at a good price.


My husband was an artist so we also included photos of some of his work for remembering a time when we were all together and doing great.


We have added to this collection every year and now she puts up a separate tree in her home just for these special ornaments.  We have added her husband and his family into the decorations.


My grandkids (2) never met their grandfather nor some of the other people in this family tree but ya know, they can tell you exactly who they are since we have been doing this for so many years now.  We make it a special time putting up this special remembering tree.  


Sit down and talk to your daughter about what is going on with you and what you are planning.  Talk to your other kids too - they may think you are doing better than you are and they aren't mind readers. 


My my daughter and her family are about an hour away from me and I really don't see them all that much unless I go there for some event.  But ya know I know if I said I needed them - daughter or SIL, they would be here to help me or help get me through whatever.


To help me pack up, I checked around with people I knew in the community - church, local contractor that did stuff for me, my yard guy whom has now been doing my yard for 15 years - we came up with one of the local school bus ladies.

She comes here between her routes and works about 3'hours - we are pretty loose about it sometimes it is 5-days a week, some weeks maybe only 2 days, other weeks none.  I like her a lot although we are very different in our backgrounds;  I consider her a friend although she is much younger - her family invites me to their special occasions if I want to go - she also knows I isolate.

We taught ourselves how to sew and made curtains for her house and some of my windows too.  We have decided not to tackle anything any harder than curtains.


One thing that a widow told me when I was very fresh and hurting . . . . She told me that we can make our own destiny.  We can go out of our way to meet people, get involved - there is nothing like getting outside of ourselves when we are doing for others.  We can stay isolated or we can be out in the world - I do a little of both.  I prefer solitude (with my dog, always) but it does get overbearing and depressing sometimes and I know it is time for me to get out into the world for at least a while.


When your daughter gets there, you two just plan what you want to do.  She knows it won't be like when her Dad was there.  Make a new tradition but you can still remember him.  Talk about the good times, the fun times, the remember when times - Nothing wrong with remembering - that's what we are made of - our history - our journey of days - you, as I, are just on a new journey now.


Try to have a good holiday season.  There is a Grief board somewhere here where others will see your post and respond.

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Bronze Conversationalist

overwhelmed and alone

Message 13 of 13

Been a widow for almost 2 and 1/2 years. Living in my spouse's dream retirement home but it is way too much for me. No neighbors. No friends in this state. Have somehow aliented my children to the point where they are absolutely no assistance unless there is something in it for them. Have a huge amount of items to get rid of in hopes I can move to a dryer and warmer climate. I am 62 and although I can do it myself it is a very slow process. I can find no one like a senior mangement mover to assist. Thanksgiving was a nightmare but I know Christmas will be worse. My daughter is coming home from college for the holiday but all of the decorations have already been packed into the pod. I can pretend that no gifts, visits, calls... doesn't break me but the thought of not doing for her is breaking my heart. I just want to find a little bit of peace befoe I die but never thought I wouldn't have been out of here by now. I didn't know it was possible to be so lonely. Noone expected me to out live my husband and they aren't any happier that I did than I am. I never asked for anything and gave freely so I guess they just never thought I would ask for anything - even love.

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