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Treasured Social Butterfly
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Re: Caregiving fatigue

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katch52 wrote:

Hi.  I am the eldest, 65 next week, of 7 children.  Mom is 88.  I moved in with her 5 years ago because she had been widowed.>>

 

 I am not at my wit’s end but very close.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this?  Is this common?


It seems to be very common.  

Why don't you find a care service that will take care of her while you go and visit your children? You said she won't take money from you do use it to give yourself a break.  No reason not to.

 

 

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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Caregiving fatigue

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Hi.  I am the eldest, 65 next week, of 7 children.  Mom is 88.  I moved in with her 5 years ago because she had been widowed for two years and was expressing loneliness.  My daughter said she and her husband wanted t move to Florida where most of the family lives. I was thrilled as I then could move in with Mom and be near to my son and daughter’s families and also my 6 siblings, 5 sisters live within 3 miles of Mom and my brother is a snowbird living here 6 months of the year. I saw this as a win-win to be near all of my family.

Ive taken responsibility for some things,ie,  lawn care, pest care, groceries, sometimes. Small things but they do add up.

I guess I was naive.  Apparently, they see my living with Mom as my “job”.  Mom refused to take money from me as rent even though I offered regularly my first2 years here.  Mom is declining, cognitively.  I pay her bills for her.  I’ve She failed her driver’s license renewal test and no longer drives.  I prepare dinner every night and lunch a few times a week.  If I am not here for lunch she may have ice cream and then, of course the freezer isn’t closed all the way and we’ll, you know.

 

I’ve taken Mom with me on several occassions but now she’d rather stay home.  Ive asked my siblings to step in when I want to visit my children and grandchildren, sometimes there is no problem but most times there are.  Everyone has an excuse not to help.  No one has ever offered to step in for a day, overnight or weekend.  I mentioned we all live within 3 miles, didn’t I?  

 

By by the way, I am disabled with chronic pain, fibromyalgia and facing another total knee replacement.  The fatigue is overwhelming.  I need consideration and kindness from my siblings.  I need a hem to take her to lunch or dinner, spend time one on one with her. Stay with her for a weekend and once or twice a year, 2 weeks so I can visit my grandchildren up north.

 

i get nothing but flack, everyone is too busy with their own lives to consider Mom’s we’ll-being, God forbid mine!  We are now engaged in a terrible fight.  My brother stepped in and asked that we not let this escalate.  I have told him my feelings about this over the years. He steps in when he is here in Florida and last month Mom & I went to visit with him for a week and had a very nice time.  He was very attentive.  I let him know how much I appreciated it.  I am not at my wit’s end but very close.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this?  Is this common?

  

 

 

 

 

 

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