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Valued Social Butterfly
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Re: Care

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@jllpn wrote:

I have been my mom's caregiver since my brother passed away in August. Not long after that my mom got very sick. My brother used to stay with her when he wasn't traveling for his job. My sister has had no contact with my mom, myself or my brother in Florida. So, it's just me. Thankfully she is doing very well, but I don't think she can live alone. She has some dementia and her memory is very bad. I adore my mom, but I want my life back. I have several medical problems that need attention, but it's so hard to fit things in. I haven't even grieved for my brother yet, just can't handle that yet. I have anxiety and depression which has gotten worse. I am on several medications which help somewhat. I feel overwhelmed.


It sounds like your Mom's condition has deteriorated since the death of your brother last August.  She may still need some time to adjust to his death, to get over her bout with the illness or her condition may be just worsening - you and her doctor are the best judge of what is going on now with your Mom.

 

From what you have said about your health and wellbeing, it does not sound like you are up to the long task of constant caregiving so it might be time to survey what other options are available to your Mom.  I know many aging parents feel that their child(ren), one or all, will stop their own life and care for them, full time, when the time comes for such.  Many times, it might not happen that way because of a tremendous number of reasons.  

 

Caregiving has many different hats - it could be that you do the legwork, research in finding a place for her or in-home care which meets her needs.  Perhaps determining a budget to pay for whatever care you determine the best, sometimes contributing to it in funds and talking other sibling to do the same.  Then you can spend your time monitoring with scrutiny this care.

 

  • Take your Mom to her doctor and find out what is wrong and the prognosis.
  • You too should have a check up to determine if you are physically and emotionally able to do the hands on caregiving - now and perhaps in the future depending on her prognosis.
  • Take a look at her income and assets and I hope you have her financial POA to determine if she can afford in home or another place care or if she needs to apply for state Medicaid assistance.
  • Medically(mentally) find out if your Mom can do a Heathcare POA  and a Financial POA, if needed, if she does not already have them assigning you to act on her behalf of her wishes.
  • Based on the knowledge about your Mom's condition and finances, you can begin your research about what the best care is for her.

Whatever direction you decide to go once you know her prognosis and your health and wellbeing - your direct hands on caregiving or monitoring her condition and care with some alternative place or in-home care with scrutiny  and involvement - you will know that you have made the best decisions you can make with all the information you have for her BEST care.  

 

Good Luck - it is always hard when one is making decisions for another so the more info you have about her, you, the options, the better equipped you are to make the best decision and feel good about those decisions.

 

* * * * It's Always Something . . . Roseanne Roseannadanna
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Care

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I have been my mom's caregiver since my brother passed away in August. Not long after that my mom got very sick. My brother used to stay with her when he wasn't traveling for his job. My sister has had no contact with my mom, myself or my brother in Florida. So, it's just me. Thankfully she is doing very well, but I don't think she can live alone. She has some dementia and her memory is very bad. I adore my mom, but I want my life back. I have several medical problems that need attention, but it's so hard to fit things in. I haven't even grieved for my brother yet, just can't handle that yet. I have anxiety and depression which has gotten worse. I am on several medications which help somewhat. I feel overwhelmed.

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