Calling all NEWBIES. ... Let's introduce our selves! Use this thread.

[r257229g]

Hello, My Name is Robin L. Gooch from Bridge City Texas.  I just joined AARP today.  My 50th birthday was Monday.  

I am looking for some advice about losing a family member namely a mother.  I am having a horrible time.  I lost her in Sept of last year unexpectedly.  Just need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to bend.  Thank you. 

[n566192l]

WELCOME Andy,

 Wow 23 years, how GREAT!!!. 

  Taking time for your self and interests through volunteering, is a great way to grow as a person. Meeting other people is a great way to expand your horizon. There will be simple little treats that will come your way. New outlooks on current situations, ideas to share with your long time partner. Taking time for your self is very important when you're taking care of a loved one. I am Nancy, from New Jersey, if the 2 of you happen to live in this state, I have a list of resources that my help with your current situation.  Stay strong and  BEST wishes for both of you

[JackSparrow1]

Ahoy Andy,

Ye know, the only thing that comes to mind, for me, for this situation (right now), is the fact that you said the volunteer work is the only bright spot in your day. Well, it occurs to me, that is that be the case, then your volunteer work IS 'what you do for you'. Do whatever it is that makes you happy, and what feels right. Take care of your partner, and do your best in  your volunteer work, as that is what you do for you -- and others.

Keep an eye on that Horizon.

Jack.

[a956730s]

Hi! My name is Andy and I am 52 and gay and caring for my partner who is 50 years old. We have been together for 23 years (today) and I can tell you we have we seen some good times, and recently some pretty bad ones. About 10 or so years ago my partner became disabled with a rare neuroligical disease and things seem to just have become worse and piled-up sinc. He was able to recover from the disease but soon began to have additional problems, one after the other. He hadn't been working for some years before it all started and has not worked since. I have been our sole financial provider for over 15 years and have been sole caregiver since 2006.

We both drank heavily most of our lives and decided to get sober about 6 months apart, roughly 7 years ago. I stayed sober and he relapsed after about 5 years, about 2 years ago. His drinking finally caught up with his liver and it failed at the beginning of this year.

The liver failure caused a "leaky" right heart valve which caused high blood pressure in the lungs, stalling the liver transplant evaluation that was already underway. The liver doctors will not evaluate for transplant unless they know he will be "operable", and he will not be operable until the lung and heart situation are stabalized.

That was six months ago and my partner has been home for the last 4 months and is on several medications to keep his liver functioning and his system compensating, while the doctors try to bring down the pressure in the lungs. We entered my partner into a medical trial for additional medicine for the lung problem in hopes of getting better care and that it may heal the problem quicker.

It has been a rough time caring for and watching someone who is gradually becoming less able to care for themselves despite all my best efforts. It is exhausting and frustrating and sometimes downright depressing.

I have a full-time job as a technical professional and I also spend a good portion of my free time giving back to the communiity that has freely given me my sobriety. I am thankful that the powers that be decided it was just the right time for me to be a sober friend to my partner. I am grateful for the higher-power that I found on my journey and for the fellowship and support that comes along with it.

Nevertheless, the feelings of inadequacy, guilt, anger, fear and uncertainty remain! I am putting all my efforts into caring for my partner and none into caring for my physical and mental health. I put the rest of my efforts into my job and volunteer work, which leaves little time for myself. I could cut back on the volunteer time but that is often the only bright part of my day. I am saying all this not to garner sympathy but just as a way to introduce myself and my situation, and state of mind. I am willing to take all advice and also willing to share my experience, strength and hope with whomever will listen.

Thanks for listening and I look forward to talking to you all!

[r937946r]

Tim in reply to your problem of extra support for your wife , I have a suggestion, when you are needing to cut down on expenses.but also have a helper need. My company recites also the family members of our clients to pretipate in giving care to their own personal family members.also if you feel that this idea is honestly of value to your problem I also have a advisory fee that is exceptable to me as the personal home anfd family living life skills/lifestyles counseling services counselor.of New beginning"for boys and girls only"self help overcomes mbsm . I would like to suggest that you hire one or more of your family members through the caregiver providers network let them sign in and get paid by someone else to provide care to you wife.keeping your money in you home and family financial budget.

[Tim888]

Hello.  My name is Tim and I live in Ohio.  My wife is in the chronic stage of MS.  I work a full time job and take care of her when I'm not working.  We have a couple of ladies who take care of her while I'm at work, but we have to pay for them out of our own pockets so things are always tight. I've been doing the caregiving for about ten years in terms of her chronic condition:  lifting her in and out of bed, dressing her as well as the numerous other personal care things that are involved in the bathroom, meals, meds, finances and so on.  I'm in relatively good physical health myself since I've made it a point to do the things to get that way and stay that way, primarily so I'll be able to take care of my wife and not have to use the healthcare system myself ( hopefully ), but still the toll of caregiving for so long in a chronic situation has taken it's toll in terms of what a lot of folks call burnout, I guess, mostly mental and emotional.  I'm not a quitter, but I'm also smart enough to know that I have to take care of myself.  Not an easy thing to do in terms of finding the time and resources when both of those need to go towards taking care of my wife.  I don't have an issue with that.  That's the way it should be, but I'm hoping to find some wisdom, tips, insights and experience here that can help me navigate the next few years.  All the best to all of you brave and courageous fellow AARP'ers.

[n455156b]

Hello Everyone, My name is Nancy from Colorado..
Took me about 20 min to figure out how to post on here, To Funny I'm not usually that bad.. 😇
I love to RV (camping)
Love to Grill outside..
Love spending time with my family.. Husband, Six Adult children and four Grandchildren.

[n566192l]

EPSTER,

  Thanks for filling in my post yesterday!, 

    Your quote really helped me yesterday. 

[Epster]

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@j88669d wrote:

Hi Nancy from NJ!  I haven't found the recipes yet.  Since I know that they are there, I'll look for them.  How would I earn points for using/looking for the recipes?  Thanks for any tips you can give me!  jkd 

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@j88669d as @n566192l suggested, searching the site for "r4g earn points" will bring up the threads in which some of us have posted tips. Here's a link to the search I just disusing those words: https://community.aarp.org/t5/tag/r4g%20earn%20points/tg-p/tag-id/9226

You'll have to pick through the posts to find the ones that detail processes. There are a lot of quirks.

BTW, I just finished fighting my way through my 5,000 first of the month points ... some tasks are being a royal pain, so good luck all!

Sorry I cannot spend more time on this right now, I'm already behind schedule this morning. (She hears her Drill Sargeant father's voice barking at her to "Move It!" ) I suggest looking for the post that details (with pictures) which tasks renew at the beginning of the month, and working the tasks listed.

Go get 'em!

[n566192l]

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@n566192l wrote:

EPSTER HELP,

  CAN YOU PLEASE FILL IN THE BLANKS ON MY POSTS, FOR REWARDS POINTS. I AM STILL LEARNING MY PHONE, AND THIS SITE!! Thanks for the heads up ABOUT Today!   I am still working on placing Veterans, only was able to place 2 for month of July. I am much better with PEOPLE than computers. Thanks again, OUR POINTS PRO!   Nancy

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@n566192l wrote:

EPSTER HELP,

  CAN YOU PLEASE FILL IN THE BLANKS ON MY POSTS, FOR REWARDS POINTS. I AM STILL LEARNING MY PHONE, AND THIS SITE!! Thanks for the heads up ABOUT Today!   I am still working on placing Veterans, only was able to place 2 for month of July. I am much better with PEOPLE than computers. Thanks again, OUR POINTS PRO!   Nancy

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