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Question   Mothers, tell us the one piece of advice you hope your kids take to heart. In other words, if you had to choose just one bit of wisdom dispensed with the best of intentions that will echo in your children’s minds for the rest of their lives, we want to hear it. Sons and daughters, share the one piece of advice from Mom — replaying in a constant loop in your head — that has most shaped or inspired you.   Answers My mother used to say "The money is just as green in your pocket as it is in theirs." She was the daughter of depression parents who had done well surviving the national catatophe (they ran a dairy farm, sold farm produce in neighboring towns — chickens, strawberries). And my grandfather sold fish flies, which was curious as there wasn't much water in their part of Illinois!). My grandfather had the first automobile in town.   Over the years, I hear this echo every time a telemarketer calls, everytime I get emails about fabulous sales. I have learned that this is the underbelly of capitalism: money is of high value in parts of our society. My mother's admonition rings loud sometimes and now, looking back over my life, I realize what she told me has helped me make financial decisions, both big and small.   "Let your head save your heels!"     My mother, Margaret Cooper, was a fabulous classical pianist and she and Dad gave their four daughters the opportunity to study music from an early age and to become musicians.  Minutes before my first violin recital, as a ten-year-old, I suddenly told Mom that I had "butterflies" — in other words I was nervous and afraid to play in front of all those people.  She told me very matter of factly, "Oh no, that's not nervousness.  What you're feeling is excitement! Excitement to get up on the stage and share your beautiful music with everybody and make them all very happy." Well, that's all it took. And for the past 53 years as a performer in music, theater and dance her words have never failed me. I was a young adult when I finally realized that she had tricked me, but in doing so she had given me a valuable life skill, the ability to channel my thoughts, feelings and energy in positve directions that would aid me most. And the joy of sharing.     My parents were married over 50 years and my Mom always said the secret was never go to bed fighting or mad with each other — settle the argument before you fall asleep.     "Secure the place you live before anything else." This has been passed down to my children, her grandchildren and great grandchildren.   Her other advise was "Your only friends are your Mother and the money in your pocket." These words bring warmth to my heart when I hear my children tell their friends the same.      When I would tell my mother something that I had heard that was hurtful or seemed untrue, my mother would always say, "Consider the source."  If you hear something from someone who loves to gossip or is known to talk a lot without checking the truth before speaking, it is best to forget what you have heard from that person.     My mother always told us to treat others the way we would like to be treated.     My mother always said if you cannot say anything nice about someone, do not say anything at all.     My stepmother told me that learning to cook using fresh ingredients and leaving commercially canned or packaged foods at the grocery store would never fail me. She was right about that.     In a similar vein to gossip, my maternal grandmother ALWAYS said, 'when you grow up, you will realize that common sense is not all that common.' How True!     Always be independent. Never rely on anyone but yourself.     When all else the directions.     My mom told me that NO One Can Take Care of my Children like i do...not even her. Not that my mom wasnt a good guardian or grandma...she simply meant your children should be your priority. Trust no one to take care of them like yourself. I always remembered that.     My mother always led through example. Make your bed every morning, put a dab/spray of perfume between your breasts, and look into a mirror with a smile. She had 6 children, 2 of whom were severely disabled due to Polio, and persevered. She never complained and faced each day with courage and grace.     Make sure you have a job so that you can always suppport yourself, and don't have to just rely on a man to support you.     When returning home from doing errands, my mom would always take an indirect route to drive down a particular street. One day, I asked her why. She said, "I always go the pretty way" and pointed out a particular house with lovely landscaping. No matter where we went we saw some simple beauty because mom always went the pretty way.     My mom's most oft repeated words of advice are: "You need to get along with everyone." "If you share, you'll have more friends." and that old favorite: "Try not to fight!"     My Mom always told me "You're known by the company you keep" and "the world doesn't revolve around you" great things to remember! She was a great Mom and grandmother, kind and thoughtful. She is missed every day. Happy Mother's day in Heaven!     Give others the benefit of the doubt. Always look for the good in people. Look both ways and never forget to look up.     My mother would tell me "you are just as good as anyone else and better than most."       She would always tell me in the grocery store ... I carried you for 9 months; you can carry this out to the car. I loved that!     My mom always reminded us girls that a LADY is kind, considerate of others, always polite, never raises her voice, helps others when needed without having to be asked and . . . even more importantly, ALWAYS behaved in a manner that made people glad to see you COME, not glad to see you GO!!!  Can you tell I'll be 83 in 4 months? I don't think many parents teach these things any more.     Be always brave and intelligent and move forward irrespective of the hardships faced.     My mother told me and my siblings that we always represented home, and never let anyone tell us who we are or what we can become. And never compare ourselves to others, if we've given the best that we can do or we have, that's all we can ask of ourselves.     While my dear Mom suffered her entire life from pretty severe mental illness, which affected our entire family, she had many moments of loving clarity. I most remember her oft-repeated and heartfelt words, "be kind."     Actually the one of piece of advice that I think of daily as I get older was from my grandmother. She alwys told me   "that any day is good as long as you can get out of bed."    This puts my problems in perspective for me. I am out of bed and moving so I am thankful.     Actually, my grandmother was pretty wise. This is probably where her daughter (my mom) got it. Her advise was "Keep moving, don't just stand there. It's hard to hit a moving target!" This really makes sense now that I will be 83 in November, still work, don't go to the doctor, don't take medications . . . well, you get the idea. When I talk with my customers, they can't believe my age. I owe it all to older loved ones.
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Question Married a long time?  Share advice that makes your marriage work after many years.   Answers Be the right person.   Annnnnd that person is: accepting, gracious, slow to anger, kind, unselfish, forgiving, flexible, trusting, positive and hopeful.   I have never once spoken ill of my husband in public. Anything I have to say to him, I have to say to   him. No other audience can solve the issue: only the two of us can. Thus I simply do not air our problems. And, listen, we're human: obviously we have our share of problems. 🙂   It doesn't hurt to like and admire the attributes of your spouse. This will take you through those smelly-feet,-uncouth-remark,-wrong-side-of-the-bed days.   One of the practices that I think has contributed to DH and me staying together through high tide and low is that we have the habit of giving each other gifts of experience (AKA gifts of self) rather than material goods. For instance, we hike to a new mountain top or cycle somewhere new to celebrate milestones. But we haven't exchanged store bought gifts in decades. We find gifts of self to have the most value. Those days when you are in danger of drowning in discontent, believe me, shared experiences will become the raft keeping your love afloat. To me, that's worth every diamond pendant in the world.     Where I think marriages begin to fall apart is when one of the partners begins to feel or they begin to think they   no longer can "say certain things to him or her".   With the loss of my 23-year marriage, regardless of who was right or wrong, I can now see that in the top five   "long term"   successful marriages, "friendship"   MUST   be in the top five, not in any specific order, but my opinion "friendship" would be in the top 5. I really don't want to get much into the "divorce" theory stuff on this post, but I think it will help reinforce as to why the "friendship" is   KEY   in any   successful marriage.   Epster, what I like about your post is that you seem to have clear visions of what you expect out of your partner and you probably communicated your expectations, and that's half the battle is when we "men" know what a woman expects. I am not saying we "men" need to know everything and I agree some mystery needs to be left to the imagination for the marriage growth, but some major hints upfront would be nice........................................and contrary to what every woman thinks....................................."we men cannot read minds!".......................................................I know, it's a shocker to   hear a man admit   that men are not like the "Great and Powerful Oz", just kidding, humor  you have to love it back to serious............ ...................................................and vice versa as I am sure there are many women out that don't want to be second guessing if they are doing right or wrong in their marriage, so we "men" need to say what we mean, and mean what we say.....................and NOT just walk into the room and say "The Great OZ has spoken" and then just walk away from our partner with no further discussion or input from them.    Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd...................that brings me back to the   friendship   thing.   I think many married/divorced couples I have spoken with either got separated mentally somewhere in the marriage, and it seems to always boil down to "expectations", or more so leads to the "lack of understanding" towards those expectations.    Once again, I think one of the key aspects of any "long-term relationship" is that some level of friendship is included in that relationship. I have seen both man to man, and woman to woman that are just good   old long-term friendships   that have from time to time, they have lied to each other, hurt each other, and even some of the man to man friendships beat the heck out of each other, but.........................somehow, someway, they talk it out, they forgive each other and they become better and closer friends (in most cases, not all).    So why is it that marriages seem to fail to get over those same hurdles as compared to common friendship problems?.........................................and here comes that word again, all leads back to the marriage having the "lack of friendship", which in turn leads to less communication and eventually turning that marriage into another statistic failure.     Yes: we started as best friends, telling each other everything — our hopes and hurts, exposing our frailties and fears. We continue as such all these many years later, though of course those hopes and hurts, frailties and fears have changed.     We still want the absolute best for each other and that, I think, drives this marriage.   Maybe what we have is just an old-fashioned marriage, I don't know.      Me and Ma have been married 3 decades going on 4. It hasn’t all been a walk in the park. Many, many years ago she helped me to find my true north and any success I’ve had in life I have her to thank for it.   I think patience, laughing often together, and being true to each other has been the key ingredients in our love potion.     If you made a commitment to God and your partner — keep it come hell or high water.  Period. Worked for me for 33 years nowj.     Get to know each other before the wedding, not after. Men, don't be so much of a man that you can't admit when you're wrong. Always consider her feelings. 
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Question  What are some good dating tips for men over 50?   Answers Life is not high school. Act mature. You are missing out on a LOT of great women because you still think the prom queen is waiting for you. Really? Take a look at yourself in the mirror — Are you neat, clean, hair cut, clothes pressed, beard trimmed? Seriously — please make an effort. We don't care about the belly or the bald spot — we DO care about someone who takes a shower and brushes his teeth. Act interesting as well as be interested! Some of you are advertising for mothers, nurses, and maids — not friends and partners. It shows. If you can't initiate a conversation at this point, and ask questions about her and her life....what makes you think we are willing to do the same?  We may be lonely, but we are not desperate. We get you all like football, cars, and NASCAR. So — go enjoy it. We don't have to be joined at the hip. Hopefully, if we TALK we will find mutual likes, etc. Drop the "I don't do drama" line. This has to be the most selfish line ever written because what you are really saying is that you never figured out how to discuss and resolve a conflict with another human being, and you are not even willing to try. And you say you are ready for a relationship? Be OK in terms of taking care of yourself; it's not about a lot of money; it's about knowing what to do with what you have. Take care of your business. It's how you build trust with us. Great physical intimacy isn't always about an erection. It's about being willing to be romantic; it's about touching; it's about exploring; it's about deriving pleasure from what you CAN give as much as from what you can get. Buy a book — read about it. Or better yet, ASK us. Don't lie, cheat, steal, etc. It's wrong. And you don't have to; believe us when we tell you, we women have been through so much by this time in our lives, we can smell a line of BS at 50 paces. Save us all the time and trouble. You want want to go — tell us and go. We will eat a pint of ice cream this time, and go to bed. The sun will still rise in the morning and set at night. Life on this side of the line is shorter — we ALL could use a lot more laughter, love, great sex, and someone that cares in our lives. We are ALL looking for each other. What we need you to do is clean your window and let us really see you as you are. Life IS shorter — stop wasting time. Ask. Dare to start something. Do something — ANYTHING. Just don't sit there and let us pass by.     For those of you who are tired of being alone I empathize. I lost my wife of 52 years to cancer. I had not dated for, here goes, more than a half century. I was alone for a while and at 73 my chances of finding some one was declining with my age. To add insult to injury I had to call my 47 year old son to see what the rules were.   I quickly enliminated bar hopping, church and friends. That left living by my self, standing on the corner with a sign, or going on the Internet. I decided to join a dating site for seniors. I am fairly tech savvy so the mechanics of the search were easy. Figuring out who I was and what I wanted was the hard part then writing that with a semblance of understanding was daunting as well.   Then came the pictures. I seldom was in our pictures I was the picture taker, so I had to have someone take them for me.   I hit the enter button and was out there. Trust me on this there are a lot of very nice women out there. As irishmist says "dare to do something" and that means get out there and seek dates. After one mistaken relationship, I regrouped, refocused, and hit the dating scene again. This time I knew who and what I was seeking as well as I knew what my deal killers were.    I dated about 12 to 15 very nice women before I found the one that knocked my boots off. Unlike the recommendations, our first date was 8.5 hours long. I had scheduled a four week cruise to get away from it all and do some writing. Through email and phone calls we fostered feeling for each other and fell. In love. We have been together now for going on two years.    Love is out there, however it will not fall in your lap. Be willing to follow irishmist's comments, be sure you 8nderstand what you want, a be sure you never compromise on your deal killers.   Now get out there.       BINGO! I like your number 5  "I don't do drama".  I see many posts with the statements...........   "AND NO DRAMA PLEASE"...........................really, I think to myself.   Is not life filled with drama? As we get older do we just let all of our emotions leave us and become unfeeling and unthinking?????????????   Statistically men that reach the 50ish age bracket should have a clue about relationships, yeah I know, sorry ladies, it takes us that long to get the wisdom we need, just the way that it is.   Since I am a man, here is my advice for any man.   Look at her for the "Look".                                                   Remember the "Look" guys?????   Only a woman can give you that special look. It's in her eyes (AND NOT THE BEDROOM EYES).   That "LOOK" she has when you enter a room........It doesn't matter if she is 18 or 118,   a woman's look will always remain one of the most grandest looks   on earth.   If you miss the look, then you're still a fool..................And by the way guys, if you're staring at and rating her breasts to measure up to your standards....................YOU WILL MISS HER   LOOK...................because she will stop looking at you   because   she knows what you are looking at and focused on. So you best read Irishmist's post, she is correct on her thoughts and ideas. And not only 50+ year women think this way, women have always thought this way even when they were 18 years old. We men are the ones who got   MOST   of it wrong, we didn't really mean to screw things up, but we did it all the same.   I also agree with Irishmist, we men and women all get old, we get wrinkles, get some grey hair, we might lose hair, etc., but that's no reason to not try and maintain what we have left and wear some clean clothes once in a while  : ) :.............................and   DO NOT give up on yourself   because you are getting OLD. Quit sitting around thinking of how nice it would B2B 25 years old again. Too late, those years are gone. Chin up and have fun with what you have and what time you have left.   If you get that look from a woman   again in your life, then as suggested in the original post,                                                        don't    lie to her AT ALL          (LYING IS THE TOP of the   DO NOT DO LIST with woman, so don't do it)   and tell her everything she wants to know about you. Tell her about your past mistakes   if she wants   to know   and you might just have   your new best friend, and that's what it's all about.    I   disagree   with Irishmists post concerning the statement:                                           "we can smell a line of BS at 50 paces"   guys........   Women can smell a line of BS from   500   paces and beyond that!,   they always could, they just tolerated it when they were younger ladies. Am I wrong here ladies? I think not.   So guys, READ Irishmist's post,   read it another 10 times   so it will sink in, and read the replies to the post..........................bottom line is gentlemen,   it's what most woman WANT,   it's what they have always wanted.................and it's time for us men to want the same honest relationship, some smiles and laughs together, a hand to hold, side by side and a best friend, all the other stuff will naturally fall into place if you give it a chance too.   On second thought guys, read the original post   another   20   times..........just in case it doesn't sink in at first  🙂       I was very heartened to see Irishmist's post such an on-point comment about what we men should he thinking about when we go back into dating. As a single male for the past 8 years, I have had my share of misadventures disguised as bad dates. Well, bad from her perspective. I did not have a clue. I was unceremoniously dumped by my latest ex-wife and found myself basically a mess. My dating exploits would have made   50 First Dates   a horror flick.   My internet profile picture was the “Dummy” in   Dating for Dummys.   A friend of mine who is new to the 50+ dating scene asked me just last night what is the biggest difference between now and then. I couldn’t name just one, but I started with she is not the same woman you dated when you were in your 20s. She is free, has her own life and does not need a man. And she is not looking for someone who “needs” her.   I believe the most important trait in the early stages of a relationship is listening. Actually not just in dating, but in life. You will get a chance to tell your stories. Listen to hers. Be genuinely interested. Pay attention. It is natural for people to like to talk about themselves. It makes them feel good if someone responds positively to it. Ask follow-up questions and wait for her to make it your turn.   I learned a lot of things the hard way. Therapy and learning from   50 Worst Dates   helped me deal with the reality of dating at this age.      OMG!!!  Loved this, especially the line of smelling BS. The last one really hit home. As someone who has been doing the online dating thing for the past 16 months since my hubby of 20+ yrs and I separated. Good grief! The number of men online that are so afraid of taking a step of any kind to meet someone they may actually like is absolutely astounding!   If I were going to add anything to this it would be "don't wait for someone else to make the first step. If you are interested in getting to know someone better and want to meet them, ask for a date. If you don't, someone else will." PERIOD!!!     Start with the gym wookout, church, yard sales, grocery store, sports venues, or playing coed sports.   Ice skating or ice fishing, roller skating, boating, going to a sports game.     Try starting a Meetup. You can start anything: walks, hikes, movies. You can meet like-minded people and have fun too.      I had not dated for over 1/2 century. My 50-year-old son was no help, so I thought about asking my grandchildren and well no.   There is no reason to be afraid. I chose a dating site. It offered options, and privacy. If I found someone of interest, I could ask questions via messages. If it went past that, I could do due diligence.   What is difficult is realizing who you really are and who/what you are looking for. Until you answer these questions, do not start. I say that from expirience. I didn’t at first and made a recoverable mistake.    I went back to the drawing board and had success. She and I have been together for almost 4 years now.  
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Question Name one artist/band whose music you think the world should love as much as you do? (tough I know, but try to pick just one)   Answers John Coltrane Maitre Gims Yo Yo Ma Nina Simone Vivaldi Phil Vassar. His concerts are so good! He's personable, talented and cute!  Jerry Garcia and The Greatful Dead, always loved them, saw them at Woodstock!   The one and only Beatles! I’ve been a fan since late December 1963 at age 8 when I first heard I Want To Hold Your Hand. Going to see Paul McCartney for the 8th time (since 1976) in 2019!   David Bromberg—if you are into Blues and Folk...he combined the two with a fabulous sense of humor..start with Keep on Drinkin!   The Beach Boys   Queen  — and this is not because of the current movie just relased. They have great sounds and words.   Eva Cassidy. Her voice and ability to interpret music are the iconic models for every serious pop and jazz performer.  Her interpretation of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" got the world's attention.  Her limited number of recordings are a treasure.  It's so sad that she was "discovered" after her death. If you listen to her sing and know her tragic story, you can't help but feel the loss of a great talent.   Glenn Miller...his music is timeless.  Just a few notes of "String of Pearls" and we are kids again!   Don’t miss the “Civil Wars”. I discovered this great duos music while sitting in a coffee shop in Mexico recently.    Bob Dylan! fact is there are only 2 types of musicians in the entire world ... (1) Bob Dylan and (2) those that wish they were Bob Dylan. Peace to all.   Toto is the band I currently enjoy. "AFRICA"  is a masterpiece.  The vocals are superb.  The instrumentation is exceptional. The words tell a story. And the ending is innovative —  the fading of instruments is very effective. There is something about really good music which compels you to listen over and over.   Gene Watson  — best country singer since George Jones! (just listen to Farewell Party if you don't know who he is.)   The North Country (out of Washington, DC)   Lorie Line, great piano stylist   Pink Floyd   Eric Clapton in all his various iterations. If you enjoy listening to astounding guitar compositions and execution, listen to the master.    Rhonda Vincent (and the Rage). Great voice versatile, hard working, can do any genre, but being a bluegreass girl is where her heart is   The Eagles! !! Just saw them at the new Fiserv Forum (new Milwaukee Bucks Arena). My #1 Bucket List event achieved... Lived! When the 2 1/2 hour concert was over, my musician husband and I were emotionally drained-happily! My first comment was "How do you ever top that?" The Eagles are exceptional musicians that meld together in the most glorious way, creating their unique, phenomenal sound. I think they're even better than they were in the 70's  — their beginning. Finally... Don Henley, Joe Walsh, Deacon Frey, Vince Gill, Timothy B. Schmit, and Steuart Smith... Thank you for giving me priceless memories of a night I will never forget.    I have group and one individual. The group is Alabama. I think Randy Owen is terrific. The indivudual is Yanni.   Paul Simon   Follow Stillwell Blue on Sound Cloud, You Tube, iTunes, Apple Music, Spotify.  Incredible lyrics and music!!!     Jennifer Warnes Jesse Winchester John Prine    The timeless band is Chicago. After all, they don't really care what year it is!   Anything by Michael Bublé!   Benny Goodman and Artie Shaw   The grown folk music of Will Downing!   Bazzi and Camila   Tuba Skinny on YouTube   Without a doubt, the ONLY band that could provide the soundtrack, should my life ever be made into a made for TV movie, is the incomparable Fleetwood Mac. Throughout the decades of turmoil, love, hits, misses and changes, they've stood the test of time and while not always coming out a shining example of morality on the other side, they've always managed to remain the one constant fixture of musical comfort in my life! For that, I will be forever greatful !!!    Stevie Landslide   AC/DC. They are timeless. My 30-year-old son loves them, my 7-year-old grandson loves them. Bon Scotts back story is intriguing. Love their music and music history   The genius of Ray Charles!   I peronally think everyone should like Earth Wind and Fire. Oldie but goodie band that had a lot of good music for everyone.   Janis Joplin. She truly sang from her soul. She's always #1 in my world!    First pick would have to be The Beatles. They were at the center of my universe during the 60's! So much of their music has stood the test of time. As they turned solo, I have always enjoyed the music of George Harrison; also timeless, often spiritual, always beautiful, that was George.   Whenever someone asks me about my favorite musician(s) I say The Moody Blues, but in the back of my mind I'm thinking "well, after the Beatles, of course" because that goes without saying. They are in a class all by themselves.    I think Glen Campbell should be admired and loved. He had a fantastic voice and was an amazing guitarist and could play banjo and bagpipes as well! He was always my favorite artist.  
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