Re: my loss of my husband

CarolynS674392 · ‎11-12-2022

My husband passed away suddenly two years ago. Well, it will be two years tomorrow. I was watching a video about loss, dealing with weekend in the best way I can, and the phone rang. Since it said it was from an area where my brother-in-law and his wife live, I answered it. It was a spam call asking to speak to my late husband.

Why do they do this!! I was hoping someone was calling to give me consolation. I was not all alone today because my husband's sister came by for a bit. I will be going to church tomorrow on the second "anniversary" of his death. I had a Catholic Mass said on a better day - the would-be 30th anniversary of our wedding. Good memories.

Just wanted to write on here about this tough weekend. Thanks.

Carolyn

SueS788527 · ‎01-20-2023

Hi, Carolyn, I am very sorry for your loss. I am also starting year 2 since my husband died. I am finding year 2 harder than I expected. I guess the harsh reality of him never coming back has finally hit me. I thought I accepted the death including the caregiver days and aftermath. While I got through it somehow the trauma and horrors continue to haunt me from time to time. Due to journalling and attending grievance workshops I have faced some of these painful moments and in some ways feel I am better at coping with them. I agree loneliness is one of the greatest challenges, but as I have posted before grieving is a solo journey at the end of the day. Having said that it is important to establish a meaningful network of kindred spirits with whom you can chat seriously about your fears and experiences without judgment. It means a lot to know that you are not alone. I am sorry you got the spam call and can understand why it was so distressful on many levels. Weekends have been hard for me as well. Doing a fun thing is a worthwhile activity but there are times when I don't know what that means. So, take it slow and do one or two things that bring you some peace of mind. Sometimes we just have to slow down. Grieving will take longer than most people even realize and so be easy on yourself mentally and physically. Have a good weekend. Your friend in grief, Sue

CarolynS674392 · ‎01-23-2023

Thank you Sue, for such a supportive post. I'm sorry I took a while before responding, On Saturday night, I went with Dan's sister for the first time in two years (last time was with Dan) to a pub where my niece was playing in her band. It was really fun. I'm hoping you have some good times on your weekends too.

CatherineS641676 · ‎01-24-2023

It truly does take a village, and we are a good village in this community❤️

Anonymous · ‎01-22-2023

1 comment (1/22/23) Sue @SueS788527 , you are in my thoughts today! Nicole 🤗🤎

CatherineS641676 · ‎01-23-2023

Beautiful thoughts and words. I think we will all benefit from your post. I love this community. Thanks, our friend

CatherineS641676 · ‎11-13-2022

You are not alone, our friend. I lost my sis 2 years ago and miss her everyday. Please take comfort in all the good memories and years of love. Just wanted to send a hug.

CarolynS674392 · ‎11-30-2022

Thank you, Catherine.

BeatleloverKT · ‎11-13-2022

Thank you for your kind words

BeatleloverKT · ‎11-12-2022

I’m sorry my post went MIA, I meant to redo it

but didn’t get back to it. I want to share what

helped me. It’s a book called “Widow to

Widow” by Genevieve Davis Ginsburg. It was

given to me by a friend but Amazon sells it.

Even four years later I still read it from time

to time. It still helps. Please know we all know

what you’re going through. I never know what

can trigger me into sadness. God bless you 🙏

CarolynS674392 · ‎11-12-2022

I wanted to thank BeatleloverKT as well who wrote about the loss of her husband. This is a nice, supportive site. Thank you. (Can't find your post, but it came to my email).

Carolyn

WebWiseWoman · ‎11-12-2022

Carolyn, my thoughts are with you...

This is impossibly hard right now for you; I still grieve losing my father 39 years ago; some losses are just harder than others.

I also understand your "tough weekend"; 2 youngest daughters were at 1-Oct and the time before discovering they were safe was the absolute worst of my life.

Many don't understand why it is so bad for me; they haven't felt the feeling you and I have.

Please know, you are okay, in their defined terms; but eventually you will actually be there. Just please remember him with the love, dignity, and respect he felt for you, then know he knows you'll continue your best self to represent both of you, as one...

#StaySafe

#VegasStrong
Phil Harris, actor and showman, to John Fogerty of CCR: “If I’d known I’d live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.”

CarolynS674392 · ‎11-12-2022

Thank you so much for your sympathies and sharing your experience. I am so sorry about your loss as well.. I called my sister and she told me to watch a movie. Actually, I was crying anyway, so I watched the opera La Boheme on youtube on my TV. You need to cry. Thank you again.

Janiceww6254 · ‎11-20-2022

Dear Caroline,

I lost my husband two months ago from Melanoma. It is so difficult and with the Holidays I am so happy to be on this forum. I would be so happy to speak om

n the phone.

Janice

Janiceww6254 · ‎01-24-2023

Hi Caroline,

Yes, I am still here. Good days and bad days. Today was fine until, while driving home, the played "Wind beneath my Wings" Tears and more tears. Better not home and getting ready to do laundry and play with the dog. Each day is a challenge. I miss Tom very much. Just over four months and I still expect to come home and see him or watch him walk in the door. I am not sure this will ever end.

Janice

CarolynS674392 · ‎01-24-2023

Janice, four months is very short. Allow the tears to come. I do. I found song lists around the house that my husband made of songs he loved. I put the lists together in a book along with other items and memories. I listen to those songs or watch them on Youtube and I cry. But there is healing in that. They say to lean into the grief.

I read your repost also Sue and I want to reach out to you and everyone else on here. If I miss anyone, I am sorry. I'm not too web savvy.

SueS788527 · ‎01-24-2023

Hi, Carolyn, Janice and others in the Grief Forum. I agree with your observations, Carolyn, that four months is a very short time since the passing of a loved one. In hindsight, I was pretty numb for several months, so I agree that it is important to give yourself time and be understanding to your needs and emotions. Also, Janice, take care of yourself mentally and physically by getting enough sleep and eating healthy if possible. These goals can be stretch goals and I had to work on this for my overall well-being. As Carolyn pointed out remembering your loved one can be a healthy productive outlet for your emotions. The experts call it Continuing Bonds. It does work if you can do small things, like listening to favorite music, collecting photos in albums, planting a shrub, etc. It is the thought that matters and brings you into the present and potentially the future if you continue with these types of remembrances. I found that donating to charity or volunteering on my husband's behalf has been rewarding as well. Janice, take care and give yourself time. You have the right to cry and express your feelings. As I said before, journaling can be a great outlet. Good luck to you. Sue

Anonymous · ‎01-24-2023

1 comment (1/24/23) Dear Janice @Janiceww6254 WE luv you!!!! Nicole 🤎🤗

CatherineS641676 · ‎01-24-2023

same goes for me-we all understand and do send love and hugs

CarolynS674392 · ‎01-23-2023

We can chat here, Janice, if that's alright. I hope you are still on this site. I'll look for you.

Janiceww6254 · ‎12-07-2022

Is there anyone that would like to talk on the phone. I sometimes need to talk and cry at the same time. Please message me. The Holidays are here and it is really hard.

Janice

VickieS693663 · ‎01-19-2023

There are a lot of GriefShare groups nationwide where you can talk in person. I have attended several and they have all been very helpful.

CarolynS674392 · ‎01-19-2023

Thank you all and to Vickie. I have been to GriefShare. I went through the 13 weeks 2 or 3 times. Now I am doing a virtual group for loss of a spouse particularly. I do find these support groups very helpful too.

CatherineS641676 · ‎01-19-2023

Hugs♥️

BeatleloverKT · ‎12-13-2022

I know how you feel. Talking on the phone when

both parties are grieving, I think, would not be a

good thing for either party. No offense intended.

You need to talk to a neutral party, someone who

hasn't gone thru this, a close friend or a Grief

Counselor. I know if we spoke, I'd probably be

crying before we even began talking. And just a

tip from me- When I get really bad, and I need to

cry and talk, I talk to the one who always listens

and won't judge me: you guessed it, my deceased

husband. Believe it or not, it helps me. Bless you

Janice, I hope this helps

CarolynS674392 · ‎01-24-2023

Yes, Beatlelover, it's good to talk to the one we lost.

I'd like to share with everyone the lyrics from a song by Mr. Rogers. It goes:

"Please don't think it's funny, when you want the one you miss. There are lots and lots of people who sometimes feel like this."

CarolynS674392 · ‎11-29-2022

Hi Janice,

Your loss is so new. I am so sorry. This is a good forum. I will keep a lookout for further posts of yours. Again, my sympathies. Have you tried a grief support group. I did and found it helpful.