Reply
Periodic Contributor

Widows Group?

Hi everyone. My beloved Husband passed right before thanksgiving. I read all the posts and can echo everyone of them. It's hard, every day. Legal issues, business issues, grief issues. I'm in a bereavement group and friends are supportive. I'm tapping into my religion and spirituality as well. I sometimes hear about widows groups and that's what i wanted to ask about. I'm in south Florida and so far none pop up on the internet. Does anyone know of any? I know I'm still early into my grief but i'm the type that needs to keep busy and who else understands what we're going through better than someone going/gone through it. Thanks.

 

Contributor

It's always hard to lose your love. I lost the love of my life/husband to suicide this past April. I know it hasn't been very long but I'm so tired of hurting like this. Everyone says it will be ok but NO it will NEVER be ok. It will get better but will NEVER be ok. I miss him every moment of the day. You don't understand or know how someone feels unless you've been through it yourself. I feel for you. Hope one day things won't hurt as much and you won't be as lonely.
Do the best you can. Take care.
Halie
Love With All
0 Kudos
11,624 Views
4
Report
Periodic Contributor

Hi Halie,

I am hurting for you and me both as I read your post. I read something the other day as I"m 8 months into this journey that has stuck with me: we can get past this, we might never get over it. If you are familiar with the 5 steps of grief, the first is denial and I feel like I'm stuck there. the days pass, I'm still working, but not 100% involved with anything, many days still move as in a fog, makeup and clothes, and cooking, not important anymore. Others don't know what to say, best not to talk with them 🙂 

Be well, be strong. Sending Hugs.

Marilyn 

0 Kudos
11,619 Views
3
Report
AARP Expert


@mdwyer18 wrote:

Hi Halie,

I am hurting for you and me both as I read your post. I read something the other day as I"m 8 months into this journey that has stuck with me: we can get past this, we might never get over it. If you are familiar with the 5 steps of grief, the first is denial and I feel like I'm stuck there. the days pass, I'm still working, but not 100% involved with anything, many days still move as in a fog, makeup and clothes, and cooking, not important anymore. Others don't know what to say, best not to talk with them 🙂 

Be well, be strong. Sending Hugs.

Marilyn 


Hi Marilyn, I'm sorry you're in a fog. You will move forward but it does feel like moving in quicksand, in molasses. It just does. Have you found a counselor to talk to? I've noticed when i was grieving that one's closest friends do get weary of hearing how sad i am, or one more story. Although the closest ones, and my dear sister who is kind of stuck with me as kinfolk are, still hang in there. But there's nothing like having 50 minutes to spill and reflect, with no other agenda. It's a thought. What brings you joy?  Your cat or dog? Old funny movies? 

Keep talking, to us at least,

Jane

11,265 Views
2
Report
Periodic Contributor

I do see a therapist on/off as sometimes I get tired of hearing myself speak. she did give me a gem last week as I have regrets from the illness period ...... one can't judge a marraige from just this short period of time when there was illness. One needs to look at the entire marraige. That was helpful. Maybe will help others here. Thanks. 

0 Kudos
11,255 Views
1
Report
AARP Expert


@mdwyer18 wrote:

I do see a therapist on/off as sometimes I get tired of hearing myself speak. she did give me a gem last week as I have regrets from the illness period ...... one can't judge a marraige from just this short period of time when there was illness. One needs to look at the entire marraige. That was helpful. Maybe will help others here. Thanks. 


That IS helpful. Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving! Best to forgive yourself, again and again and again. Also, i didn't mean to reply twice: the first message i thought it disappeared so i wrote a different one... oy.

 

i love hearing myself talk... ha ha. Typical extrovert.

Jane

11,231 Views
0
Report
Newbie

Hi, my husband passed away two months ago. I have been going to GriefShare.org. You put in your zip code and they will find one near you. I started in the middle of the 13 week session and mine ends tomorrow. I will definitely be starting from the beginning when it begins again in the fall. It has been very helpful. I hope this helps you.
I live in Space Coast area in Florida.
God Bless
Periodic Contributor

Hi I lost my husband suddenly on May 30, 2017. We were newly weds of 6 months. I am attending a Grief share group in my area. I'm glad I did. We are in week #4. I live in Gainesville, FL....Go Gators!
0 Kudos
9,180 Views
5
Report
Contributor

I wish i could find a grief support group here in upstate NY - my husband died may of this year.  i am beyond heartbroken and don't even know how i got through the past 5 months.  He was only 62 and had pulmonary fibrosis for 5 years - he died within 1 week of having a flare up.  i don't even know where to go from here......

0 Kudos
7,488 Views
2
Report
Periodic Contributor

NShomo, Can you start a group maybe through your place of worship? I've also seen groups through funeral places (odd as it might seem). Hospice organizations might offer some too. I'm almost 3 years into this and the best I can say is that now i can manage my grief instead of it managing me (actually consuming me). But nothing is the same, I don't expect it will ever be and some days I'm thrown backwards by the smallest thing or memory. I envy those that can go on to find another love (I've no interest) or those that have grandkids close by to help them heal. The rest of us I guess find that one day becomes the next and time passes. There's so much to process, so learn to be kind to yourself, take the time you need to cry, to be angry, to be remorseful, to heal. In this time of instant coffee, drive through restaurants everything is quick, except healing from grief which has it's own time table and is different for everyone. I hope these words bring even a moment's comfort.

Marilyn 

Contributor

thank you Marilyn - i know everyone in this group is grieving - sending love and hugs to all

0 Kudos
7,454 Views
0
Report
Periodic Contributor

HI and thanks for sharing. I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish i had  words of encouragement to give you but i know you've heard them all. Time, we all just need time. 

I went through the Griefshare program here one and a half times. I might get back to it again later. An excellent program. Be well, be strong, have faith.

MD

0 Kudos
9,182 Views
1
Report
Periodic Contributor

Thank you so much!

 

Ava

0 Kudos
9,177 Views
0
Report
AARP Expert


@dwyer87m wrote:

Hi everyone. My beloved Husband passed right before thanksgiving. I read all the posts and can echo everyone of them. It's hard, every day. Legal issues, business issues, grief issues. I'm in a bereavement group and friends are supportive. I'm tapping into my religion and spirituality as well. I sometimes hear about widows groups and that's what i wanted to ask about. I'm in south Florida and so far none pop up on the internet. Does anyone know of any? I know I'm still early into my grief but i'm the type that needs to keep busy and who else understands what we're going through better than someone going/gone through it. Thanks.

 

 


Hi Ms Dwyer. Since you've been searching, i guess there aren't any that pop right up on google. But you could consider starting one at your place of worship, if you belong to a faith community. I've had good luck starting groups in  my church. i was once part of a group of 5 women. We decided to call ourselves the Courage Club because we needed Courage and discernment to figure out the next step in our lives. We disbanded after about 6 months, once the group served its purpose. If you put out the word, in a bulletin, and asked the pastor her or his opinion, and perhaps offered light refreshments, either in the church building or in your home, i bet you could come up with a group of 3 or 4, and that might be just enough support. Welcome the Widows Group. Or, the Widows' Gathering. Or something.

 

That takes a fair bit of energy, but it is a thought. 

 

Is there any suggestions coming from your bereavement group or its leader(s)? 

 

Jane

0 Kudos
8,422 Views
5
Report
Newbie

Hello, I lost my husband(suddenly) also last Nov. The last 8 months has been a blur, but thank goodness I am still working fulltime(retiring 10/1/17)One of my 2 wonderful sons said " Mom, you have gone non stop for all these months doing stuff". One of the last things to do is to transfer AARP into my name alone. Guess it was comforting getting the magazine in his name? As far as grief groups our WI church used to have a group but no longer. You probably have found a group by now, but Funeral homes can help as well.We just bought a retirement home in Sun City and the church there has a group which I joined last March when I was there for 2 weeks. Thank goodness also for Grandkids ! Take care!

 

0 Kudos
11,284 Views
1
Report
AARP Expert


@ah2711 wrote:

Hello, I lost my husband(suddenly) also last Nov. The last 8 months has been a blur, but thank goodness I am still working fulltime(retiring 10/1/17)One of my 2 wonderful sons said " Mom, you have gone non stop for all these months doing stuff". One of the last things to do is to transfer AARP into my name alone. Guess it was comforting getting the magazine in his name? As far as grief groups our WI church used to have a group but no longer. You probably have found a group by now, but Funeral homes can help as well.We just bought a retirement home in Sun City and the church there has a group which I joined last March when I was there for 2 weeks. Thank goodness also for Grandkids ! Take care!

 


Hi there. I'm so glad you wrote and shared your story. I'm excited for you. As your retirement arrives, you have a precious opportunity to envision a new future, a creative chapter, an expansive story for yourself. I'd love to hear what evolves, myself. It is an exciting time. Check out the book, The Artist's Way, if you like, and do some of the creativity-inspiring exercises. Find a therapist/coach and really focus on the potential that retirement brings. Just some suggestions. It is a wide opening kind of time. Enjoy and embrace!

 

Jane

0 Kudos
11,274 Views
0
Report
Periodic Contributor

Great idea, thank you. I will try networking through my existing communitites.
Periodic Contributor

Please name the Saturday group in central florida.

0 Kudos
8,150 Views
1
Report
Periodic Contributor
Contributor

Hi, I just read your message.  I, too, just lost my husband Dec 4th and just now seeking someone or a group to help through the pain of his loss.  Wish we were closer, I'm in Washington State and found that the hospital where he passed does provide some "groups" however, I have difficulty driving at night and can't join.  I'm going to keep looking, as I tried to deal with it on my own and with friends, but I find myself endlessly grieving.  I know what you mean about papers and such, it's difficult to tell each and every creditor, from telephone company to mortgage company, it feels as though removing his name is like making it as if he never existed, but he did, and for me close to 28 yrs.  Each phone call each one on one passing his death certificate to show proof only lead to endless tears.  They say they understand and you appreciate their kind words, but it doesn't seem to help.

Contributor

I just lost my husband on Dec. 21st, 2016. I too, have searched online for something local. I am in Phoenix. There are some grief support groups, but none are specifically for spouses. I was hoping that AARP could point us in the right direction. I know I need something. Thanks.

Periodic Contributor

There is a group in Orlando that i was told about but too far for me. The bereavement group is different. Although these may sound same, i find bereavement groups to be about the process of healing, not about the process of "dealing" .... new life, new thoughts, new identity and all without my anchor. I'm Adrift. I've been given many books and I am going through them one by one. The main things learned from them.... everything I/we are feeling is normal, typical and then on the other hand... there is nothing typical about losing a spouse/partner. i know others have gotten through worse with less, I try to remember that. Sorry if i'm rambling but wanted to respond to your post, that i read it, hear you and send blessing. FYI, the bereavement group I found was the only one on a saturday afternoon (not weekday as I'm still working) - and i found it through the internet.