Using Facebook to send announcement of a death

[jacksmom]

It appears that in my area some folks are using fb to tell others including close relatives of the deceased that someone has died. Should folks be getting on social networks to announce this when close relatives have not yet heard the sad news?

[sassy10095]

Absolutely not. As my dear husband and I traveled a lot in our motorhome, we naturally made friends on and off FB all over country. Well, my venue for reaching the majority of friends was FB. So I posted my dear husbands passing. The next day I received no less than 10 friend requests ..... all from single/ widowers. They were all ages, living all over the world. Naturally I refused/declined each and every one. Hence my saying NO do not announce on FB.

[ps311]

Well I guess I am just old fashioned but what is wrong with the telephone?  Yes it is time consuming to make those calls and perhaps a difficult thing to do but those people, the family and/or extended family will provide some comfort.  I have been on the notification end of things and felt that when my mom passed once my siblings (all of hers had previously passed)were notified my responsiblity was complete.  I did ask my siblings to please notify anyone they thought would like to know but would never had considered announcing on facebook that mom died.  I know that it is speedier but holy moly these days those cell phones are used for everything why not try calling and talking with people.  

[j178923z]

The cost of a death notice in the local paper as included in the funeral package was $400.00, by the time I wrote a scant three paragraphs the cost would have been almost $1000.00. Yes, use Facebook and all mean needed to reach those you want to reach.

[ae9301]

Yes, they can get expensive. I paid about 163.00. It would've been a lot more had I not kept it brief.


Ava

[cc1257]

My brother just died at 48 and I thought it was horrible to put that on Facebook. I called close friends and my church. Then my dad started a Go Fund Me page for the grandchildren (he's 83).  It showed in my newsfeed and suddenly it was everywhere. I received many condolences and only one phone call from my college roommate. It's indeed a new world. But it got the word out when I didn't want to discuss it. In the past it would have been a gathering at someone's home but we are all so spread out that meeting in person isn't possible. Sometimes I wish I lived in a small town. 

I did have a neighbor and long time friend bring flowers which was wonderful. But the grief part was not something I cared to announce. 

[JaneCares]

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@jacksmom wrote:

It appears that in my area some folks are using fb to tell others including close relatives of the deceased that someone has died. Should folks be getting on social networks to announce this when close relatives have not yet heard the sad news?

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Epster has reflected on this phenomenon. I'll add my 2 cents.

Family fragmentation: that's what makes the facebook announcement before close family has been notified so painful. Because, who is close family?  Is the ex wife 'close'?  If someone is estranged, do they still get a phone call?

What i hope to do, but not quite yet, since i'm almost 58 and that still SEEMS young, is to instruct my entire far flung family and friends on the following:

who should get a phone call and how else to announce. An obituary is often posted by the funeral home these days rather than by newspapers

who gets what possessions (it would help if i did a will, too)

what kind of sservice i want

and what music should be played. ("Be Thou My Wisdom" is definitely included.)

I think if everyone did that there'd be a lot less pain after a death. The feeling of being somehow left out of being notified is just, well, painful. 

Tell us more about your situation? Or not. Up to you, but i do thank you for bringing this up. It is a modern issue, for sure.

Thanks for writing.

Jane

[Epster]

This strikes me as a cowardly and lazy bit of selfishness, posting a death announcement (first? only?) on Facebook without making sure next of kin have been notified.

But it doesn't strike me a new low. Back in the 80s, I was producing a live TV show when a telephone call came through that my father --from whom I had been estranged since I was 15-- had died. It was as difficult to get my head out of the producer's role in order to hear the news as it was to get my head back into the producer's role in order to finish the show. Five years ago, after my also long-estranged mother passed, I received an email notifying me that she was dead and buried.

I found out a few weeks ago that one of the neighbors passed suddenly 18 months back. Right now, people are at another neighbor's home apparently removing personal effects. I searched online for that neighbor's obit and found none. I have no expectation that I'll learn of his demise in any other way.

At this point, I don't even know what is socially acceptable in terms of such notifications. I can tell you that if I am ever entrusted with relaying such information, I shall make every effort to be as sensitive to the rights and feelings of others as possible.