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Random Acts of Kindness in Time of Loss

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Random Acts of Kindness in Time of Loss

I am now starting my third month without my husband.  Right after the funeral services, many of those attending dropped out of sight.  Another widow cautioned me that would happen along with a slump.  I have read a lot about this loss of companionship and communication.  There are many excuses for this behavior.  Examples:  we knew you two as a couple and now canโ€™t relate.  We donโ€™t know what to say.  We are afraid of hurting your feelings.  We donโ€™t want you to become dependent on us for shopping, driving or other chores.  The last one is a sad but a true sentiment. 

It would be nice if more people called regularly for a casual chat.  If that is not happening, try to establish a new family of friends.  Keep an open mind and you will be surprised how many caring people are out there. Unexpectedly neighbors or even business acquaintances who I casually said hello to are stepping into my life offering support and concern.  Embrace the kindness offered to you.  Acts of kindness in turn reciprocate.  I have found that I too can offer kindness and support to other individuals.  An unexpected revelation was that a number of divorced or separated individuals are experiencing many of the same emotions I am feeling.  They feel abandoned by their prior friends and have no one who will listen to them.  Feeling their pain, I was able to provide some comfort and understanding to them.  This is also true of others suffering family losses.  I felt good that I could be there for them.  At that moment I started to feel there is a present and future where I can add value and be productive.  I was starting to live with my grief but not in grief all the time.  If you read this, please know that even in a state of loss, you can still be a friend or companion to others who need you as much as you need them.  I believe this is a longer-term effort and requires patience with others and yourself. 

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I have been surprised by some of the people who have offered support and care. I didn't even know them well, but they reached out to me with empathy. I'm determined to engage with people and organizations who find value in me - me alone. Hard as it is, I've made many new friends and learned much from that experience. Some people didn't make it into my future life for a reason. Love the people who treat you well and focus on the goodness they bring to your life.

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