Productive Social Interactions - How to have them and still be healing with hope

[SueS788527]

Hi, from the day after my husband died, I have had my ups and downs with social interactions. Initially, I had many who attended his funeral, reception and follow up with calls and visits.  Then without much discussion that abruptly ended.  When you first lose a loved one, you are already not thinking clearly and welcome this type of initial support.  You may blissfully think that you can count on this to get you through the dark days.  Obviously, it was a surprise, at least for me, that these interactions just ended. We have all read and heard the excuses that these people don't know how to act or what to say, etc.  Fast forward, now a year after my husband died, I am finding some new insights.  Yes, there are still many caring people, often strangers or unexpected kindred spirits, like the folks posting to the AARP Grief Forum.  Thank God for them.  They have gotten me through many a hard day and night.  Now the challenge is how to effectively handle less sensitive interactions without hampering my progress in healing and recovery.  I guess it is a balance of good judgment, value of the relationship and how continuing the relationship affects your mental and physical health. I just heard from one of my grievance sessions that is ok to avoid people who are impatient or intolerant with your journey. That was an eye opener and is now giving me permission to be more discerning with the relationships I am cultivating.  "Find people who will listen and accept your feelings without condition."   Powerful thoughts and empowering, which I did not consider as an option.  Just wanted to share.  Sue

[rh47517666]

Hi Sue,    l an a recovering caregiver.   My wife passed away a few years ago.   Starting a new life ini ether impossible nor easy,      The world seemed unbelievably difficult to manipulate.    Things that have helped.   A LLI (Life longer learning)   sometimes Olli.   They are groups of seniors learning things together.   they seem to be every where.    They great for meeting people face to face,    I found many friends there,     if you have a passion,  now maybe be the time to pursue it,

It seems there are groups who do many different thing,   I love story telling,   my sisters is into hooking,  (that's rug making).    Getting to know people who love what you is amazing.   Also,  there is on line dating,   I joined a group,  but was on for a long time before actually meeting someone,  some times we are not as ready as we think,   but it did work out,  I'm been going with the same woman for a year now,   I have come to love coming of age flies for seniors,  My favorite in. "finding your feet".   Do try some thing.  if works great,  if not there is always some thing else.  Just don't give up.   One thing more in the mist of my hardest period of care giving I took up drawing,   I joined a class,   I started out really awful.   but for 90 minutes a week I forgot about everything but drawing,   I got at drawing and life,   Best wishes to you don't give-up,

Bobb

[SueS788527]

Thanks for sharing.  I will look into OLLI and similar activities that may help me to move forward into the new me.  I like "finding your feet" and many of your experiences are very positive and inspiring.  That is what I need as we seem to have the dual challenge of mourning and aging.  You seem to be handling all of this very well.  Congratulations to you and know that your advice is great.  Thank you and have a good weekend.  Stay warm.  Sue