My husband passed away. The End of the Year of Sorrow &/or "My Litany of Despair"

[leogeo6020]

  Sharing with folks who are experiencing the same trauma is comforting because it’s impossible to know how the death of a loved one can decimate you and how hard it is to come back from the depths of despair unless you’ve “walked a similar path”.

  2021 has been a VERY heartrending year for my family, my dearest soulmate and husband Lou died in September.  Shortly before Lou passed away, my dear brother, Jack, unexpectedly died in June of this year. Approximately a week after Lou’s death my beloved cat died in my arms.

  Good riddance to 2021!

  I’m coping with cumulative grief and health issues from COVID pneumonia. I was vaccinated as prescribed previously to catching the virus in August of this year. The odds are I caught the (probably) DELTA mutation by visiting my husband in his Memory Care Facility during an undiagnosed COVID outbreak that swept through the facility in August of this year. More than 95%(+/-) of the Facility’s residents were vaccinated before experiencing contagion. After the COVID onset most of the residents tested were asymptomatic. But, I think Lou’s death from renal failure was complicated by the virus and one of the health professionals concurred. Albeit Lou’s death was God’s mercy – knowing the man he was, he wouldn’t have wanted to live in the semi-vegetative state he was in. 

  God Bless Hospice for coming to our family’s rescue on two End-of-Life occasions, the clarity and support they provided were invaluable.  I'm not a newbie to combating grief, I've ridden the "Wheel of Grief" many times - my parents' passing was an expected event given that “nobody lives forever”. The death of my previous husband in September 1996 was God’s mercy to end his suffering from cancer. Burying my 3-year-old daughter (years ago) and my adult son in 2016, were not expected and are the “deepest cuts”.  

  I know I will weather this atrocious year and will emotionally and physically heal, but – I’m tired of all the crap that FATE throws at you. The merry-go-round of constantly trudging up “the peaks of Ecstasy and down to the Valleys of despair”, is exhausting at any age but the older one is - the more difficult the journey is.

  I reiterate – sharing with folks experiencing the same life shattering events is a great comfort.

[WebWiseWoman]

Dearest Marie, please consider me one of your admirers for the awful life experiences you've had this past year, and previously, and your strength on the other side of those experiences...

On 1-Oct-2017, while watching network TV, I learned that a concert my two middle daughters and their steps-sis were attending as annual girls weekend was attacked by mass shootings.

I ran to the porch, heard multiple first responding vehicles, fell to my knees and at that point lost myself...

I was notified via FB my daughters were safe and evacuated.

As thankful as I was for that, I also hated the country we had become where this was a) available, and b) affordable, and c) capable of happening!

#StaySafe

[leogeo6020]

Dear Vera,

  Thank you for your kind words.

  How horrible your experience concerning your daughters was. When one's child is in a "life-threatening" situation the agony is visceral. So glad everything turned out well.

  I agree regarding the deplorable state our country is in. I fear for the future of my descendents. Thank the "Powers-That-Be" that most of them were raised with good values and are responsible caring folks - hopefully, they will group together with like minded folks and help stabilize our country. 

Blessings,

Marie

[SueS788527]

I am so sorry to read all you have gone through in 2021, added to other losses in the past.  My condolences to you and I hope that you will recover from your Covid experience.  Please take care of yourself both mentally and physically and spiritually if you are so inclined.  I agree with you that the AARP Grieving Community has been very helpful to me as well.  It helps me put my own loss in perspective and makes me more attuned to the pain of others.  In fact, I read that it frequently happens when you go through major losses.  I wish I had the answers and quite frankly don't know what the future will bring.  I have to say that I feel my husband's presence at certain times and in my heart, I hope he is still with me in spirit.   I have started to have dreams of him and if you are interested you can find a number of articles on the subject.  Not sure what it all means, but the thought gives me comfort and peace of mind.  I wish you all the best for 2022 and hope it is a better year for all of us.  Blessings, Sue

[leogeo6020]

  Thank you for your condolences Sue.

  I mourned Lou for years as Alzheimers cruely obliterated his persona. When Lou crossed over it was sad, but I have a sense of  relief knowing that he is "whole" and himself in the hereafter. 

  I've found that "Time heals most wounds - And, wounds most heels". 😉

Blessings,

Marie