@hn7155 I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. Any loss is terrible and it's always hard even when a loved one has been ill. But a sudden death like this is just so shocking. I know you must be deeply grieving right now. I hope you've been able to talk with her doctors or perhaps an autopsy would give you peace of mind about what happened medically. Sometimes having specific answers can be helpful.
But the bottom line is that you've suffered a terrible loss. I hope you are accessing some grief support services. If not, there are several ways you can get connected with support:
Contact a local hospice organization and ask about support groups (most are open to people dealing with grief regardless of whether or not they used that hospice organization's services).
If you find yourself sinking into depression, I urge you to talk with your doctor about how you are feeling and ask for support or medication if appropriate.
If you need someone to talk to immediately or you are having thoughts of suicide, don't wait, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
My heart goes out to you with this sudden terrible loss. I'm glad you've found our online community and I hope you will reach out to find some local support as well. Many groups are meeting via telephone or video chat during the pandemic if you can't or don't want to go in person.
Be gentle with yourself. I've found that it helps me to do things to honor those I've lost. Perhaps you can do something to honor your wife today. I hope some of these suggestions are helpful. Please let us know how you are doing - I'll be thinking of you.