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Loss of my mom

I lost my mom12/23/2020

she was 95, healthy, and worked as a nurse practitioner until 90 yrs old.

i believe she had a pathological fracture of the acetablum in the left hip. 
I am also a nurse, left my job and stayed by her side 24/7 for 4 weeks from start to finish- hospital, rehab, back to hospital due to severe GI BLEED from lovenox ( blood thinner) and hospice.

i watched my mom, my heroin life , deteriorate in front of my eyes. I was finally allowed to be her daughter once we got to hospice and not the nurse. I could not let her go. The last day she was slowly becoming unresponsive. The nurses and Priest said she was hanging on because any mother wouldn't be able to leave with her child in so much despair.They asked me to leave so she could pass peacefully. I am a hospice RN, deal with this everyday, I just could not let go. I was not ready- HOW WILL I LIVE WITHOUT MY MOM. Finally at 2am the night nurse came to me and said Chris- inside I know you know, her soul isn't leaving because you're here and she can't bear leaving you like this. I left at 2Am, MY MOM PASSES AT 2:10AM

I AM INCONSOLABLE 

I AM BACK AT WORK BUT NUMB, I LOST MY FAITH AND FEEL LIKE IM OUTSIDE LOOKING IN.

i am so lost.

And even though I do this work everyday 

for me I'm unable to move on

No manual on grieving 

money day at a time 

Social Butterfly

June 10, 2021

 

Dear @ChristineW105555 our thoughts remain with you. We are always here if you need us. Lots of hugs, Angela

Angela
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My mom passed away just today and I am numb. “The loss of your mother, no matter how old you are, changes your life forever.”

Trusted Contributor

So sorry to learn about your mother's passing. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family during this difficult time. R.I.P.

Wanjiru Warama
Conversationalist

Thank you very much @WanjirusBits.

Social Butterfly

May 21, 2021

 

Dear @LindaB671 you have been such a JOY on this board and helping us as needed. Thank you!! So sorry for your loss of your mother 😭

Angela
Conversationalist

@RetirementAngelaVA Thank you. The AARP Community has been helpful to me during this tremendous loss. 

Social Butterfly

May 21, 2021

 

Glad to hear that @LindaB671 

Angela
Conversationalist

Hey Dog -

@AvocadoDog  Thank you for the recent Kudos here. I see your dad has passed. I’m sorry for your tremendous loss. Mine’s been gone 24 years and sometimes it seems like just yesterday. My mom died a month ago and it could very well be a year with the way I feel. Grief is a strange thing. 
Take care,

Linda B.

Super Contributor

There are times when I'll see something on TV or in a store or some place and I think to myself, "Oh, I need to tell Mom about that" or I'll be working in the garage and need some advice — what tool or drill bit or whatever to use. "Let me pick up the phone and call Dad — he'll know," I'll say to myself.

 

And then, a millisecond later, "Oh. Right. Can't do that anymore."

 

As the years go by, those little blips are fewer and farther between, but they're something that I hope never stops happening completely. Because for me, in that brief moment, before realization, they still exist. 

 

Originally, it was painful when this happened. That sudden awareness that they're gone was like walking off a cliff — out of nowhere, an adrenaline rush of grief. Who needs that?!

 

But now, it's like taking a step off a curb where the ground is two inches lower than I thought. Or two inches higher. Surprising, and yes, the slightest bit jarring, but I don't stumble headlong into that abyss of sadness like I used to. And oh how I used to!  That was just the way it was for me.

 

Today, when I have one of those moments, I'll just sigh and sort of half-chuckle, and remind myself to tell my sister about it next time we talk. And invariably, she's got a recent one to tell me about, too. And then Mom and Dad come alive again, through shared remembrances and little anecdotes one of us remembers and the other doesn't. 

 

So sorry about your loss, and that of everyone who's posted here. I remember very well that initial feeling of numbness. There's no word more accurate to describe it. But I hope that as was the case with me, however slowly, that numbness will begin to subside and lessen day by day.

Social Butterfly

May 21, 2021

 

Dear @AvocadoDog it has been an honor interacting with you on the board. So sorry for your loss 😭

Angela
Conversationalist

@AvocadoDog Having lost both parents, you are also in a club no one wants to be in. You have described the experience to a tee and I love your analogies. I also have siblings to share remembrances with and it is heartwarming. Thank you so much for your heartfelt words. I’m sure you’ve touched many. Take care.

Social Butterfly

@LindaB671 

Hello Linda

So sorry for your loss of your mom 🙏💔🙏 {{{HUGS}}}

I lost my mom my best friend and my cheerleader in my life December 2015 Indeed a loss like no other

& my life is changed forever Its a void no one can fill Time has helped...I can laugh and smile not just cry at thoughts of her... moments can still catch me/my♡ by surprise 

There's some things don't think I'll ever be able to do....my last time saw and hugged her was Thanksgiving our favorite holiday... my mom loved to decorate at holidays... we'd brought many ornaments on our trip to Biltmore (in NC) Dec 2011 after divorce in 2014 decorating was tough but after losing Mom early December 2015 ... I've just been unable to do. I'm grateful for memories and our times together all activities we did together bowling and bowling tournament trips....

My heart still breaks... I've posted on threads here that the loss is great because loved so much... as tough as it is at times... I'm ok because rather have pain of loss than not had her in my life.... I'll miss her forever

I pray for your comfort and healing and thanks for sharing here and letting me share.... there's great comfort in knowing we're never alone... others are here

Take care of yourself 

Enjoy what is beautiful! 

I love watching birds mom did too they give me comfort & somewhere was told cardinals visit us are loved ones so I smile with wee tear and say hi Mom when one comes on my porch.... she's my angel 👼watching over me 🥰

Ginger  ;  )

 

🙂 Smile & the world Smiles with you 😉 Pass one on....its free
Conversationalist

@gm5271  I am truly sorry for the loss of your mom. As someone told me, we are in a club that no one wants to be in. If you’ve lost your dad, that is another club. Losing both is yet another club and one can be considered an ‘orphan’. My dad passed away 24 years ago today at the age of 62. My mom always talked about cardinals being signs from her own mother. Soon after my dad died a blue jay came and sat upon my windowsill. I have seen one of each bird in the past week. I agree that it helps to share. Thank you for your thoughtfulness. I wish you peace.

Linda

Newbie

Hi all,

Sadly, I am joining the club of loss of my Dad.  He was my rock and cheerleader always.  Being single now for many years he has been the only man in my life - except for my dogs which he came to my house to let out every day while I worked. I'm lost. Just canceled his AARP membership today and it broke my heart.  How do you move forward?

Kathy

Conversationalist

@KathyW578396  I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad and to hear you have had to join the ‘club’. I know everyone’s situation is different. For me, the initial sting and numbness does seem to subside with time. It’s been 24 years and there are still times I’m caught off guard though. Keep him in your heart and hold your memories close. Take care.

Bronze Conversationalist

Grieving is such a personal thing, even though most of us go through it sometime. Many of us live long enough to grieve for many.

The news of my father's passing came to me as a simple, two-word text message from my brother - "He's gone." I was riding the Frontrunner train, part of our Utah Transit Authority public transportation system, to join the family at his house, as I had done most mornings for weeks. Sometimes, I drove and sometimes I rode Frontrunner and buses to get there. As I learned later, even if I had driven that morning, I would have missed being there at the end, since my sister had gotten up about 6:30 and he was already gone when she went in to check on him.

I didn't grieve right away in the way others have seemed to grieve. I know that he had a great life filled with all manner of delights and setbacks that made him stronger. The last thing I said to him the day before was "I love you, Dad! I'll see you tomorrow."

We were so lucky to have him around and fully capable for all but the last few months of his 100 years. Even after his legs would no longer carry him without help, his mind seemed still strong and engaged right up to within hours of his passing.

Grieving is personal. The depth of that grieving is also personal. The closest thing any manual might come to filling the void would be to say that there is no filling the void. Each of us feels that in an individual way for a time of our own choosing according to our own feelings. We don't get over it, we just learn to walk our path and remember what it was like to walk that path hand-in-hand and to have that other hand lift us up when we needed it.

I wish you comfort in this new role as the surviving daughter. I hope you will revel in the memories of your mother and that those memories will help you realize how much strength you have to get through this and to grieve as deeply as you need to in order to get back up and carry on.

Social Butterfly

May 21, 2021

 

Dear @Brightpool , thank you SO MUCH for commenting on my posts or giving me kudos. So sorry for your loss 😭

Angela
Regular Contributor

Please accept my condolences and wishes for peace and absolutely correct on: "No Manual on Grieveing".