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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 21 of 45

Hello, just be patient and kind with yourself, for now you are in the early stages of grieving process. I  know because when my late husband died on June 1, 2006 at 6:30 pm at home where I took care of him. At first what help me was a good friend who I was able to call her at anytime and I  would write down what I felt but mostly praying and talking to God help me. Then in December of 2007 I travel overseas on a trip with a church member who needed my help since they were in a wheelchair most of the day. Then at times during the year I still miss my late husband Richard but he is not in pain anymore, when I was able I attended a grief group for a little while at first then on his birthday, our wedding anniversary, thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday and around the time I met him I cry and it gotten better for my emotions when I think of the funny things he did that made me laugh about 2016. Then I was ready to make new friends that are my best friend forever and big brothers. Also from 2009 to present I have been taken classes from early childhood education, computer applications also ministry classes, I am saying to be patient don't do or make any major changes right now in your life. It took me 6 to 8 months to give Richard's things away such as his clothes and a friend help me with that also for 6 months to a year off and on I went to one on one counseling there is nothing wrong in going for counseling through your church or local organization. I encourage you to keep telling others how you are feeling and write it down in a journal or notebook. One day you will reread what you written. I hope you feel better, it does get better and you have your memories of you life with your spouse.  

 

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 22 of 45

I lost my husband 5 months ago and I am still in disbelief. It's hard to rebuild your life when you miss the most important part of it, your man. I have a few women friends, all married and not quite able to understand what I am going through. We go out to lunch occasionally, but I have not been out to a dinner at night since my husband died. Eating by myself at home is not fulfilling, and even though I used to love to cook, I don't see the point to do that anymore. I wonder what future will bring, if anything. So I travel visiting my children and g-children, but I am getting tired of traveling too.

I guess, I will have to find some activity that will bring meaning to my life, to make it worth living again.

 

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 23 of 45

I agree with you totally that losing one's spouse is so different from other losses. When you lose your spouse, you lose your way of life, and for a long time you feel disoriented, and you question whether you can survive the loneliness and despair. I lost my husband last August 2018 and I am still feeling like I can't do it, like I am losing my mind. But I know that so may others survived this ordeal and so will I. It will just take time. Meantime, one has to get involved in life again by helping others, volunteering maybe. I wonder if anyone has suggestions on that.

Thank you.

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 24 of 45

I hope your day is going well. Stay strong and be positive. You'll pull through. We all have our issues in life. We fall down, get back up and soldier on.

R.

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Just a quick note that is positive. After 2 1/2 days of wondering if I will always be in a mental and physical fog of fatigue, I have had 2 days of feeling like a normal person. It is like a huge suffocating weight is lifted. If it has happened with me, then it must, and will, happen to lots of people.

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 26 of 45

Just a quick note that is positive. After 2 1/2 days of wondering if I will always be in a mental and physical fog of fatigue, I have had 2 days of feeling like a normal person. It is like a huge suffocating weight is lifted. If it has happened with me, then it must, and will, happen to lots of people.

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 27 of 45

Thank you for inviting reply. Not sure where this reply is going  (I am super stupid re computers - but I do not get drawn into them either, and have even done maintenance from home) because I cannot find 1, 2, 3 type steps. If you are a person, are you a member or a site manager? Just want to share one thing about support groups. I have only been in one, it was all women, and the lay leader would open wounds, but did not have the skills to go further. I liked all the ladies, but just poking the pain was destructive to me. Years ago, my daughter's college UU group tried the same amateur psychology - she defended the poor victim and thoughly scolded the group about respect and dignity and that support does not equal harm. 

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 28 of 45

I'm sorry about your loss. If you want to talk, feel free to get in touch.

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 29 of 45

I had previously lost my mother, father and sister and grieved differently for each one.  However, my husband of 36 years just passed away on July 28th this year and it has been a totally different type of grief.  One I sometimes cannot bear!  It hurts in my stomach as well as my heart!  He was my rock and my best friend and a man I looked up to.  He was a good, generous man who loved me so much.  I buried him in October and still feeling so lost and in a fog and sometimes feel he will return but I really know better.  My children have been so supportive calling me and listening and I know they worry about me as I have always worried about them.  I have a new grandchild born a month before my spouse died and she is a very sweet child and bring me lots of pleasure; but still I come home to my loneliness.  His birthday is this month and with the holidays approaching it saddens me even more.  I try waking up every morning and thanking God for all I have and all the years I had with him.  It helps to think of the good times and good memories.  He had dementia pretty bad the last 2 years so he wasn't really himself but still a gently wonderful man.  I know he is with me, I have had my signs but I don't feel his wonderful hugs and we always held hands every day all the time.  Life isn't the same and will never be the same.  Next year I plan to try doing some travelling.  Something we both enjoyed!  Still travelling alone is not the same. I hope all of you who are going through the same feelings will get through the holidays and smile when you think of your loved one in Heaven.

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 30 of 45

It’s a new chapter in life.  Keep talking and let it all out.  Anger is the biggest problem i have to deal with.  I lost my spouse in April no children but we has two dogs of which the Lab I had to put down in June.  I adopted two new puppies and loving my life with them.  I recommend a book “It’s ok that your not ok” by Megan Devine.  Another one is Healing after Loss, daily meditations for working thru grief author Martha Whitmore Hickman.  Be patient and know your spouse loved you very much and their with you in spirit.  

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