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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 11 of 45

Thank you for your advice. Yes it is tough and yes I do feel heavy. The gym allows me some escape. The tears and lonely feelings are starting to subside. ( They still hover with alarming surprise.) The Woman I lost was so great. 

We talked about what I would be doing about this time in my life. my promise was to look after our daughter and myself. 

Sleeping is tough but managable. 

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Your very welcome.

 

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Much of the loss and pain is felt even if you aren't married and it is awful when they won't let you in the ambulance.  You know it is bad when a man introduces himself as the chaplain when you just arrived at the emergency room family/friends waiting line.  I went back to the house without him..no one to call as it was so late..just stayed up all night, cleaning the house and crying.  I had known Chuck for almost 14 years, lived with him 8 years and built a successful business with him.  I was the one that introduced him to the opportunity/light bulb moment for the business.  After his death, his sister then stole all the hotel commission checks even though she verbally to-my-face said she'd reimburse me for them.  She did help to get the business ownership changed to me, but it took a long time to get the hotels to change the address for the commission checks.  Chuck died Jan. 4, 2014 and my first commission check arrived Mar. 27.  I also experienced sensing he was with me and rolling over in bed and realizing he wasn't..and it was so real.  I tried going to a therapist for a month & all she did was take my money.  No, I don't want another relationship..just want to say that much of what I read on the AARP website article coincided with what I felt even though we weren't married..but you see, we worked day in and day out together.

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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I wish I could get back in another relationship after living 23 years without my beloved husband but I believed I've hardened off.  I had a neighbor who tried for those 23 years without me even having coffee with him - I just wasn't interested.  The first time I saw my husband, I was l0 years old and he called me a brat because I was crying about my dog.  Had known his oldest brother and cousin since I was 5 because they worked at the same place as my father.  I had always wanted to work since I was 12 and I started putting up my age by 21/2 years at 14.  Anyway, my uncle's girlfriend asked if I wanted to go with her to apply for a job and I did.  Didn't know you had to be 18 and I was 15, so I figured if I told them I was turning 18 in a couple of months I would get hired and I did.  I met my husband for the 2nd time when he asked if I needed a ride home and it took him 3 days to catch up with because I thought he was married even though he gave me his phone number.  We had no idea that were were the same 2 people because he thought my father had an older daughter.  He tried for 3 months to romance me but I did not want a one-night stand and I wasn't looking for a husband, so I let him into my heart.  We had the most beautiful life together for 27 years before he passed.  He even offered me a divorce when he found out saying that I was a young woman (44)  and I needed a man to take care of me and I told him no because I was in it for the long haul and I believed in my marriage vowel and he was so floored that I could see it in his face. 

We had 2 children together and I was glad they were grown when he passed because I don't think I could have handled it otherwise.  From the 2 kids, we got 6 grandsons and now 2 great granddaughters and 1 great grandson.  We ended up losing our 2nd born grandson 3 years ago a week before Christmas.  My daughter and I haven't spoken to each other for 3 years because she had this friend that turned up a few months after my husband died and before she met her husband and my intution then told me he was sneaky and I thought I would never see him again but when he and wife wasn't getting along, he shows up 23 years later and my intuition was right the first time because now they were making plans to betogether and trying to involve me but my morals don't work like that.  I couldn't believe that because my son-in-law had this beaugitful relationship of respect for each other that my child would plot with her friend (because my son-in-law treated me the same way my husband treated my mother) would come up with a scheme to make me think I was moving with them to another state simply because my son-in-law would always come get me when they house hunting and tell me what room was going to be mine.   Their scheming was actually a blessing in disguise because I moved into a beautiful facitlity.  My daughter also dislike the fact that my oldest grandson loves his grandmother and that I don't get..

At one point I was thinking did she think her father was her man and she hated me because she

says he spoiled me.

At this point in my life I wouldn't want to be cruel to a man and it's not that I feel I'm cheating on my husband, but this man would be living in my husband's shodow which my son pointed out to me.  Being along isn't bad at all for me because I've alway been a homebody and I've already told some of the family that when I can no longer take care of myself, I will leave this world my way.  I am writing a book so I sincerely hope this wasn't a lot of rattling or too much information - just sharing. 

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 15 of 45

Its there you  will find the way that it s right for  you

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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When my husband died, I was overwhelmed with new responsibilities, most of which revolved around money. Hospital bills, a condo we’d just purchased and moved into four days earlier, and much more. We were both 55 at the time and I was devastated and overwhelmed. More changes revolved around family and friends, many of whom faded into the woodwork of time. Eighteen years later, I treasure the relationships that remained loyal.  

 

You can read all the books about surviving loss, attend workshops, even get professional help. These are all good things, but sometimes, it’s the small things that give you hope and courage to keep moving. In my case, there are a few pieces of wisdom that have gotten me through the really hard times. My son offered, “Live in his honor, Mom.” When I am feeling low, I know that my husband truly wouldn’t want me moping around. He was a positive guy. Months after his passing, I dared to ask a neighbor who had lost his wife a few years earlier if the hurt ever gets better. He said I can promise you that the “sting” will go away. As time rolled into years, yes, I still miss my husband, but it doesn’t hurt so much. Lastly, my husband died on my grandson’s birthday. He had just turned nine and Andy confessed that he’d never have another happy birthday. Well, divine intervention gave me a quick response to his genuine concern. I told him that grandpa had to pick a special day to leave us and he picked his birthday because he knew we would have many good reasons to celebrate. Those words seemed to comfort us both and still do.  

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 17 of 45

I lost my husband of 30 years nine months ago and am having trouble wanting to socialize.  Good to hear its on the horizon 

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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I lost my Husband a little over a year and a half ago.The first  few months were very hard.But bit by bit join a health  club.Which my insurance pays for.Then went to our local  Senior Center to check it out.Became a member found many people  I knew from my years of working.Just made up my mind I was not going to be a third wheel.I just get out there and go.We were married 41 years time to move  ahead. 

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 19 of 45

Your so very welcome, I just had to share with you what my experience was like.

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 20 of 45
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. I value your suggestions, like to write down the feelings I have, and see how that changes over time. Also, to keep the best memories of my husband and to take time healing. Thank you.
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