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Living life as a widow/ widower

Alone after 51 years of being a wife to a wonderful man. Years of wonderful memories and then those caregiving years at the end. It’s been 5 years since my husbands death but it seems like yesterday. I miss him. I miss the closeness, the touching, the loving looks, waking up beside him and kissing him goodnight. I miss knowing I was loved and the confidence that comes with that knowledge. I’m adrift. Oh! I look good on the outside. Getting it all done and holding it together. But I’m lonely at times. Women friends are nice but.... I miss male companionship. The fellows I know are either married, have medical problems, or looking for that 55 year old chick to make them feel young. I’d love a male companion. How about you? 

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For all of you in your grieving, your world of not having someone around any longer: For sharing your Human Being your Soul, Spirit, your feelings your Self.

It is Healthy to read you are sharing your Self with others, how you feel, how you relate, how you are going through this one moment at a time never in a hurry never in a rush always to be you in going through.

I do hope you would look around in your world & ask who is pressuring you to get it all done, look good on the outside but not the inside Heart Soul Spirit. Who said you need to get through it? Where is that law book on Human Being.

Bless you So Very Much!

Be Yourself Be you.

Stay Healthy!!!

I sure do Appreciate reading about you.

Anonymous
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Dear @lb9944 , thank you for posting this discussion. Such a touching story. I am so sorry for your loss 😭 We are here for you if and when you need us. Lots of hugs, Angela

Contributor

I know how you feel. I lost my husband December 2018. I just miss his presence so much nobody seems to understand that. He just lit up the whole world. Made friends with everyone. His light always shine real bright. The worst part of it all was his dad came two months after hurricane Michael. A lot of our friends move the way. No once we have you disappeared. Only two people came to check on me after he passed. I know it’s been 2 1/2 years. But I am so completely lonely and long for the need to feel loved again. Like you I see him everywhere. And I just don’t know how to get past. I just need to know that l am needed and loveable again.

Sandie Beavers
Anonymous
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Dear @SandraB501215 , I am so sorry for your loss 😭 He sounds like a very SPECIAL guy and losing him was not in your plans. We are here if or when you need us. Lots of hugs, Angela

Periodic Contributor

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Newbie

It's been 4 years for me. I'm not sure I'll ever get "over" the loss of my hubby, my soulmate, my best friend. What 

Anonymous
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Dear @dp94892007 , I am so very sorry for your loss 😭 Losing a soulmate is devastating!! We are here for you if and when you need us. Lots of hugs, Angela

Newbie

Spoiler
Missing him

My husband also died 4 years ago on May 27, 2016. He had sarcoidosis in his lungs. He died fulling aware, his lungs just gave out. I too was his caregiver. I talk to him all the time and ask him to watch over our 4 sons, their wives and our 6 grandchildren. 
I am blessed with a strong faith and close faith community. The family gets together often and talk about dad. It makes me feel good. 

Anonymous
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Dear @SarahK436874 , yes, having support does help. So GLAD you have this! Lots of hugs, Angela

Regular Contributor

I too love talking about my spouse. That way they are still in our lives
Regular Contributor

I have been a widower for three years, this year is the worst, I miss my best friend so much, I don't know how to feel better. 

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Dear @JenniferS880013 , I am so very sorry for your loss 😭 We are here for you when and if you need us. Lots of hugs, Angela

Trusted Contributor

I truly feel for you. My husband passed away 18 years ago. Some days, it might as well be 18 minutes. I've learned to keep busy and volunteering seems to soothe my soul. I love this quote and hope it's helpful. “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.” 

Newbie

Love your quote, thank you. 

Lost my husband 1 year ago, this weekend has been sad for me. He had Lewy body Dementia, I was his caregiver.

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Dear @SherryB314569 , I am so sorry for your loss 😭 We are here if and when you need us. Lots of hugs, Angela

Contributor

Much of the loss and pain is felt even if you aren't married and it is awful when they won't let you in the ambulance.  You know it is bad when a man introduces himself as the chaplain when you just arrived at the emergency room family/friends waiting line.  I went back to the house without him..no one to call as it was so late..just stayed up all night, cleaning the house and crying.  I had known Chuck for almost 14 years, lived with him 8 years and built a successful business with him.  I was the one that introduced him to the opportunity/light bulb moment for the business.  After his death, his sister then stole all the hotel commission checks even though she verbally to-my-face said she'd reimburse me for them.  She did help to get the business ownership changed to me, but it took a long time to get the hotels to change the address for the commission checks.  Chuck died Jan. 4, 2014 and my first commission check arrived Mar. 27.  I also experienced sensing he was with me and rolling over in bed and realizing he wasn't..and it was so real.  I tried going to a therapist for a month & all she did was take my money.  No, I don't want another relationship..just want to say that much of what I read on the AARP website article coincided with what I felt even though we weren't married..but you see, we worked day in and day out together.

Anonymous
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Dear @d921865w , I am sorry for your loss 😭 I can see you really loved him. We are here if and when you need us. Lots of hugs, Angela

Trusted Contributor

When my husband died, I was overwhelmed with new responsibilities, most of which revolved around money. Hospital bills, a condo we’d just purchased and moved into four days earlier, and much more. We were both 55 at the time and I was devastated and overwhelmed. More changes revolved around family and friends, many of whom faded into the woodwork of time. Eighteen years later, I treasure the relationships that remained loyal.  

 

You can read all the books about surviving loss, attend workshops, even get professional help. These are all good things, but sometimes, it’s the small things that give you hope and courage to keep moving. In my case, there are a few pieces of wisdom that have gotten me through the really hard times. My son offered, “Live in his honor, Mom.” When I am feeling low, I know that my husband truly wouldn’t want me moping around. He was a positive guy. Months after his passing, I dared to ask a neighbor who had lost his wife a few years earlier if the hurt ever gets better. He said I can promise you that the “sting” will go away. As time rolled into years, yes, I still miss my husband, but it doesn’t hurt so much. Lastly, my husband died on my grandson’s birthday. He had just turned nine and Andy confessed that he’d never have another happy birthday. Well, divine intervention gave me a quick response to his genuine concern. I told him that grandpa had to pick a special day to leave us and he picked his birthday because he knew we would have many good reasons to celebrate. Those words seemed to comfort us both and still do.  

Contributor

What a beautiful response to your grandson. 

I lost my husband on March 28, 2020. I had been his caregiver for 11 years. He was told that he had brain cancer in 2009 and had chemotherapy and then radiation to treat the tumors. The tumors were located in the left frontal lobe of his brain. The treatments left him with slight tremors, imbalance, apathy and difficulty concentrating. He worked most of his life as a quality engineer in manufacturing. The side effects from the treatments left him unable to work. He was also an insulin dependent diabetic and had other health issues. It was very hard to watch his health decline over the years. The tumors returned in another part of his brain in March and he did not survive the surgery to remove them. I couldn't be in the ICU with him after he had the surgery because of the Covid restrictions. He passed 2 days after the surgery. He went into shock and they couldn't revive him. I was finally able to see him after he had passed. Because of Covid, we couldn't have a service for himat the time. I'm hoping that with the vaccine becoming widely distributed we will be able to have a Celebration of Life later this summer. His death was devastating and left a huge hole in my life. I am still going through the grieving process and have found that there are many stages. I am fortunate to have a loving family and friends on my grief journey. I also talk to him daily and have his ashes in an urn in our living room so he always close. 

Anonymous
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Dear @SusanS197050 , I am so sorry for your loss 😭 Sounds like you have the needed support from family. That helps! We are here for you if and when you need us. Lots of hugs, Angela

Periodic Contributor

I lost my Husband a little over a year and a half ago.The first  few months were very hard.But bit by bit join a health  club.Which my insurance pays for.Then went to our local  Senior Center to check it out.Became a member found many people  I knew from my years of working.Just made up my mind I was not going to be a third wheel.I just get out there and go.We were married 41 years time to move  ahead. 

Anonymous
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Dear @grandma2849 , I am sorry for the loss of your husband 😭 Wow, what an INSPIRATION you are. Busy, busy. Good for you! We are here if and when you need us. Lots of higs, Angela

Regular Contributor

I lost my husband of 30 years nine months ago and am having trouble wanting to socialize.  Good to hear its on the horizon 

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 I am so sorry for your loss. I think losing someone during Covid has been hard on everyone. For some of us it wasn't possible to have a service with family and friends to support us in our grief. Also restrictions that were placed on socializing have left many of us a little fearful of putting ourselves out there. Getting vaccinated has helped me feel more comfortable about getting out and doing more with friends. That first step is hard but is so worth it. We each have to move through the grieving process at our own pace. Good luck to you and God Bless!

Periodic Contributor

Its there you  will find the way that it s right for  you

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I had previously lost my mother, father and sister and grieved differently for each one.  However, my husband of 36 years just passed away on July 28th this year and it has been a totally different type of grief.  One I sometimes cannot bear!  It hurts in my stomach as well as my heart!  He was my rock and my best friend and a man I looked up to.  He was a good, generous man who loved me so much.  I buried him in October and still feeling so lost and in a fog and sometimes feel he will return but I really know better.  My children have been so supportive calling me and listening and I know they worry about me as I have always worried about them.  I have a new grandchild born a month before my spouse died and she is a very sweet child and bring me lots of pleasure; but still I come home to my loneliness.  His birthday is this month and with the holidays approaching it saddens me even more.  I try waking up every morning and thanking God for all I have and all the years I had with him.  It helps to think of the good times and good memories.  He had dementia pretty bad the last 2 years so he wasn't really himself but still a gently wonderful man.  I know he is with me, I have had my signs but I don't feel his wonderful hugs and we always held hands every day all the time.  Life isn't the same and will never be the same.  Next year I plan to try doing some travelling.  Something we both enjoyed!  Still travelling alone is not the same. I hope all of you who are going through the same feelings will get through the holidays and smile when you think of your loved one in Heaven.

Periodic Contributor

I agree with you totally that losing one's spouse is so different from other losses. When you lose your spouse, you lose your way of life, and for a long time you feel disoriented, and you question whether you can survive the loneliness and despair. I lost my husband last August 2018 and I am still feeling like I can't do it, like I am losing my mind. But I know that so may others survived this ordeal and so will I. It will just take time. Meantime, one has to get involved in life again by helping others, volunteering maybe. I wonder if anyone has suggestions on that.

Thank you.

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It’s been five months since I lost my husband of 30 years.  He was very ill physical and mentally.  I was his full time caregiver for the last fifteen years.  I’m unable to really miss the loving glances, kisses and hugs because they were nonexistent at the end.  I’ve always preferred men’s company over woman I guess I was a Tom boy.  I had to put my twelve year lab down four months ago.  Which was the hardest thing I have ever done.

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I lost my husband 5 months ago and I am still in disbelief. It's hard to rebuild your life when you miss the most important part of it, your man. I have a few women friends, all married and not quite able to understand what I am going through. We go out to lunch occasionally, but I have not been out to a dinner at night since my husband died. Eating by myself at home is not fulfilling, and even though I used to love to cook, I don't see the point to do that anymore. I wonder what future will bring, if anything. So I travel visiting my children and g-children, but I am getting tired of traveling too.

I guess, I will have to find some activity that will bring meaning to my life, to make it worth living again.

 

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