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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 21 of 40

Just a quick note that is positive. After 2 1/2 days of wondering if I will always be in a mental and physical fog of fatigue, I have had 2 days of feeling like a normal person. It is like a huge suffocating weight is lifted. If it has happened with me, then it must, and will, happen to lots of people.

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 22 of 40

Thank you for inviting reply. Not sure where this reply is going  (I am super stupid re computers - but I do not get drawn into them either, and have even done maintenance from home) because I cannot find 1, 2, 3 type steps. If you are a person, are you a member or a site manager? Just want to share one thing about support groups. I have only been in one, it was all women, and the lay leader would open wounds, but did not have the skills to go further. I liked all the ladies, but just poking the pain was destructive to me. Years ago, my daughter's college UU group tried the same amateur psychology - she defended the poor victim and thoughly scolded the group about respect and dignity and that support does not equal harm. 

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 23 of 40

I'm sorry about your loss. If you want to talk, feel free to get in touch.

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 24 of 40

I had previously lost my mother, father and sister and grieved differently for each one.  However, my husband of 36 years just passed away on July 28th this year and it has been a totally different type of grief.  One I sometimes cannot bear!  It hurts in my stomach as well as my heart!  He was my rock and my best friend and a man I looked up to.  He was a good, generous man who loved me so much.  I buried him in October and still feeling so lost and in a fog and sometimes feel he will return but I really know better.  My children have been so supportive calling me and listening and I know they worry about me as I have always worried about them.  I have a new grandchild born a month before my spouse died and she is a very sweet child and bring me lots of pleasure; but still I come home to my loneliness.  His birthday is this month and with the holidays approaching it saddens me even more.  I try waking up every morning and thanking God for all I have and all the years I had with him.  It helps to think of the good times and good memories.  He had dementia pretty bad the last 2 years so he wasn't really himself but still a gently wonderful man.  I know he is with me, I have had my signs but I don't feel his wonderful hugs and we always held hands every day all the time.  Life isn't the same and will never be the same.  Next year I plan to try doing some travelling.  Something we both enjoyed!  Still travelling alone is not the same. I hope all of you who are going through the same feelings will get through the holidays and smile when you think of your loved one in Heaven.

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 25 of 40

It’s a new chapter in life.  Keep talking and let it all out.  Anger is the biggest problem i have to deal with.  I lost my spouse in April no children but we has two dogs of which the Lab I had to put down in June.  I adopted two new puppies and loving my life with them.  I recommend a book “It’s ok that your not ok” by Megan Devine.  Another one is Healing after Loss, daily meditations for working thru grief author Martha Whitmore Hickman.  Be patient and know your spouse loved you very much and their with you in spirit.  

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 26 of 40

Not sure how to start. I lost a wonderful woman six weeks ago. we had been married for 47 years. We have  one beautiful daughter.

I miss her so much. We worked in the community and in our chosen vocations. She truly made me a better human being. I am not sure what the days will bring. but I promised her I would not give up. I dwalk thrru days in a fog.  Will try to finish at another time.

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 27 of 40

I can relate.  I have been a widow for almost 1 year. Just stating the word widow sounds very foreign to me. I was married for 32 wonderful years.  My husband was my partner in business and my partner at home.  We were inseparable.  Like you, I also have many friends who were couples friends.  Now I stand alone and often feel like the 5th wheel when socializing with them. Some days are ok, some are not.  The lonliness can be overwhelming at times. When that happens, I try to remind myself everyday that life is fleeting and I need to focus on all the blessings I do have in my life and be forever grateful.   I currently attend a bereavement group, which I find helpful.  If you care to join, just let me know. 

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 28 of 40

It’s been five months since I lost my husband of 30 years.  He was very ill physical and mentally.  I was his full time caregiver for the last fifteen years.  I’m unable to really miss the loving glances, kisses and hugs because they were nonexistent at the end.  I’ve always preferred men’s company over woman I guess I was a Tom boy.  I had to put my twelve year lab down four months ago.  Which was the hardest thing I have ever done.

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 29 of 40

I just read what you have written and yes it is challenging to meet new persons to just be around.  You have put into words what I am feeling right now the grief and I have learned that no matter how long my late husband Richard is not here with me any more, he was my best friend and I was his best friend also, when I was dealing with having Congested heart failure he took care of me and when I was better his blood flow in his legs dried up and he was in a lot of pain, I took care of him at home even when he could no longer walk in the 10 years of knowing him and he had the talk with me before he transition. He said lets face it I will not be here anymore and when you are ready move on to meet someone new. That for me was very important to hear Richard said that and mean it before he took his last breath a week later. I have been alone for 12 years and now I can laugh at the things he did that made me laugh. I have kept myself busy by taking classes also my granddaughter calls me Nana, last year on July 22, my 87 year old mom breath her last breath. and it just been a year since she is gone also I am missing my dad and my brothers, Aunts, uncles and others that have transition before my sister and myself like my grandparents. Right now I am just going through but I am okay. It is hard when I had to reteach myself how to downsize my dishes for one person and it is okay.

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Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

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Message 30 of 40

Thanks for this.

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