That. Is a lot. of Loss.
Here's what I'm thinking. I'm glad you're taking medication and seeing a counselor. I would not give up on finding a zoom grief group, particularly in Maryland. You could find one in the UK if not in the USA, but there has to be at least one that would welcome you. The group would be sponsored by one of the home hospice programs, particularly the non profit ones, anywhere in the USA. Start with the national hospice organizations. Keep calling until you get a human and a referral.
It sounds like your family is doing what so many families do after a death and an inheritance: estrange members of the family over money. Good Lord. It was your parents' money, and they chose you. Since the latest deaths and losses are so raw, i'd leave this for now. In the future, you could possibly take some of the knick knacks to give to various (peavish) family members, and send to them. You can take the high road. You can give baby blankets to the grandniece who's about to give birth. But only if you have the energy to take the high road. Just a thought.
Are you still working? Or retired? Are you comfortable financially?
These years of loss are like a long winter. Like you're a single survivor of your town that was destroyed in the Holocaust. The only one left standing after a tsunami. And whether or not you are working, you are not caregiving at this moment, and you have some means. Slowly, out of the many-year winter of your grief, there will be little green sprigs of hope and creativity. I just lived through the evacuation of my town in high desert Oregon last September. The town was spared, many other towns in southern Oregon went poof up in smoke. And already the forest surrounding our town (population 220 and about 1000 head of cattle, a couple of llamas, a bazillion dogs, our own deer herd, and a bunch of chickens) is showing new life. Fattening buds on the bushes that are half burnt. Why? Life. It's very stubborn, life is.
I would buy The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, and the workbook. And use whichever creativity-building suggestions you wish to encourage one or two thoughts of a future. Alongside death, not ignoring death or the people you miss. But affirming life. You are young. You've got at LEAST 15 years of excellent health if you're lucky, and maybe 25. What would you like to do with your one wild and precious life? (to paraphrase poet Mary Oliver.)
Volunteer for a dog rescue.
What would your sister say? Your brother who overdosed? Channel them: they might say, girl, we lost out. Live for us, too. Have some fun, dammit.
I don't know. What do i know not much. But i know you have a wee bit of life force in you that hasn't been blown out by all this death. And you have a little bit of time. Breathe in, breathe out. Give thanks for another day of loving....
Excuse the mixed metaphors. I will keep my day job.
a psychotherapist in the middle of nowhere, former hospice social worker, and grateful that you shared your pain today.