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Periodic Contributor

I lost my Wife 2 months ago to Lewy Body Dementia

Hi All, I'm new here. I'm Dan. I lost my beautiful wife after 40+ years of marriage to Dementia. She became violent and dangerous in June, 2020 and I was forced to put her into an asst. living home until she passed away on Nov. 20th, 2020. I have lived alone since June and she was my only family. I'm 70 and retired. I'm very lonely and have no friends. My last male friend died of ALS some time ago. I was a Caregiver for 10 years.

It gets real lonely here being all alone with nobody to talk to or eat with or laugh with or anything. I absolutely hate this. I have been trying to find a new soulmate on 2 online dating sites, but for some strange reason none of the girls I write to reply. my wife's wishes were that I should not be alone when she passed. She knew best. Is there anyone here who is going through this awful situation with nobody in their life to be with or talk to? I would appreciate all feedback. I'm just so unhappy with my awful situation. I do go to a Grief and Loss group at a local church, but most all of the women there aren't ready to take up with a man yet. I have been grieving since June, 2020 so I had a head start. Thank you all in advance for whatever you can offer to help me out. Thanks to the Virus there are almost no safe places for me to go to meet people. The church I go to for the group is full of young people. Not the best match for a new soulmate for a 70 year old. Thanks all. Dan  

Dan Hoffman
Newbie

The loss of a spouse is a lonely place to be. I know there are many dating websites, you may need to look outside of your community. Are there any groups you could join like travel groups or other interests you may have...I have read many stories of widows who have no family to support them and have lost friends which makes the loss even more painful. I hope you can make new friends and find things to fill your life which is what I am trying to do.

Rosi

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Periodic Contributor

Hi Dan,

I know what you are going through. My hubby of 33 years, 2 days, died of Lewy Body Dementia. What a terrible, terrible disease. I feel your loneliness. I know about that 10 years of caregiving. My Terry fell and broke his hip. He had to go to a rehab facility and died there 8 months later. The grief is unimaginable. But then, the loneliness sets in. No one to talk to. No one to share with. I now live in my son’s basement, and if it wasn’t for the 6 and 7 year old grandsons, I would have given up months ago. But, I have no adult conversations. I really do understand whAt you are saying. Susie

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Bronze Conversationalist

@sljsp62972269 , @Walker1 , @BeatleloverKT , @st18688804 I am sorry for your tremendous losses. I had never heard of Lewy Body Dementia and am now wondering if my mom had that form of Dementia before passing away. I see that one of the symptoms is visual hallucinations. One time when visiting her in the nursing home she looked off to the side and talked about a dog being there. Another she mentioned a baby crawling away. 

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Periodic Contributor

My Terry saw gorillas one night. They were all watching him, so he couldn’t sleep because of them. The floor was covered in snakes. Then, he would be back in 1965 and in the Navy. I always listened to his stories each morning. But dementia is a terrible way to watch your loved one slip away. It’s heartbreaking. 💔

Contributor

Hi Dan, I’m Vicky I would like to talk to you, how do I get in touch with you? Thank you

Honored Social Butterfly

Hi Dan, I’m sorry for your loss. I have been a

widow since August of 2018. I think of and miss

him every single day. I’m going to offer you my

perspective as I’m still grieving over two years
later. Grieving is a very personal experience but

honestly it’s only been a matter of months for

you. You have to give yourself time to heal

before you can enter into a new relationship,

let alone finding another soulmate.

I get where you’re coming from but you would

not be happy in a new relationship so early.

Despite the restrictions of Covid, which stink,

you need to find a way to connect with other

human beings. Keep trying to find a grief group

that works for you. You may want to talk with

your Doctor about maybe starting an

antidepressant also. There also are a bunch

of books about living life as a Widower on

Amazon. I suggest you get one. I was given

”Widow to widow” and it has helped me so

much. I hope you understand I’m not being

judgemental, just trying to help you. I truly 

know how you feel. I wish you good luck on

your unexpected journey.  Kathy 🙏

 

 

Periodic Contributor

Hi Kathy, Thanks for your thoughts, but I disagree that I can't start another relationship with a new girl. My loneliness and depression would be a lot less with a new companion and perhaps a GF. I am able to separate between my wife and a new person. I always will love Sue and I'm quite capable of loving again. I can't take anti depressants. They are very bad for me. Because I have NO family or friends to talk to daily it's extra hard on me. A few phone friends would be nice, too. I just can't see being miserable for 1-2 years. I started grieving last June so it's been almost 8 months. I attend a Griefshare group at a local church on Thursday nights. There is 1 girl there who I may be interested in. I know what's best for me. My wife wanted me to find someone over 2 years ago. She did Not want me to be alone after she died. I fully agree with her. Write me back if you'd like. Dan

Dan Hoffman
Conversationalist

Hello Dan,

   So sorry for your loss, I understand what you are going through now navigating the grief and loss. I lost my husband five years ago, and like you don't have anyone to talk to, go out for coffee and go to church or church functions as the switch has gone to younger people. 

   I understand how the women feel, as most of the men who lost their spouses want more than friendship or they feel that the men are out for one thing. 

 

I will keep you in prayer Dan,

  

Shari
Anonymous
Not applicable

@st18688804 you are so INSPIRING!! Awesome suggestions and luv your strength with dealing with your own loss 😉

Periodic Contributor

Thank you. I just take 1 day at a time. I'm now seeking a nice GF in W Palm Bch., FL for a long relationship. I don't like living alone and being single. Not for me. Dan

Dan Hoffman
Periodic Contributor

Hi Shari, I'm amazed that women are worried about a nice relationship with sex. I have always been fond of women, love, and sex. My wife and I had lots of it for 40 years and were very satisfied. I may be 70, but I am very serious about finding a new soulmate. This was my wive's wish also. Me being all alone is the worst thing in the world for me. I will always love Sue and she wanted me to find another soulmate after her death. I only have about 10 more years before there will be no more hope for me to find love, companionship, and a wonderful woman to share joy and happiness with. Trust me, if I had a new GF it would go a long way to make me feel happy. I like what you say. If you'd like to be my friend I'll give you my phone number. I love talking on the phone. It helps a lot. I live in W Palm Bch., FL. Where are you? Question: Why do you choose to be so alone? You can find a good man, not to replace the last one, but to care for as a different person. My wife Sue wanted me to have a life after she died. I fully agree. The virus has dampened a lot of things for us alone people. I do go to a Griefshare group @ a local church. The group is good for me, but this church is real big on groups for Young people who make up over 70% of the congregation. They frown on single's groups. All their groups are to age 40 only. If you'd like to talk with me I'll give you my number. I love talking and it makes it a little easier to tolerate all the negativity that's going on. Please write me back if you want to be friends. Thanks, Dan 

Dan Hoffman
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