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Husband dies alone

My husband of 45 years died alone with our border collie Sadie by his side on December 4th.  I was out of town to visit a grandson.  I FaceTime my husband the night before.  He wasn’t feeling good.  I convinced him to go to the doctor the next morning.  When I called the next morning he didn’t answer.  The neighbors went to check on him for me and found him passed.  It was totally unexpected.  Possibly an Aneurysm took him at 65 years old!  185lbs, physically fit and had dreams to many to list.  He had yet to collect his pensions.  

My two adult sons don’t want me home alone.  I’m not sure I believe he’s gone.  I feel guilty I wasn’t with him when he died and feel guilty I’m getting his pensions that he deserved to spend on his dreams.  Then add on the huge void in my life and my aching heart.  What more can I handle.  I’m so numb and sad. 

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♻️♻️♻️  Julie @JulieT507376 , did you do YOUR Spa Day?  🤗🤗🤗

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Yes!  I did get my massage!  It was much needed and appreciated!  

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Julie @JulieT507376 , a  📸  picture  📸  for Sadie from her boy to wish her a SPEEDY recovery!!!  🤗🤗🤗

 

*** It is about 7:30pm ET here in Virginia (4:30pm for you & Sadie). 34 degrees, low 23 degrees. Brrr. Wish Mister would stay INSIDE but I feel he is keeping "an eye" on HIS HUMAN's old Townhouse (HOPING they will return) before they moved WITHOUT HIM. My Studio Apartment is ACROSS the Parking Lot from that Townhouse. Oh well, I will just have to TRUST he will be WARM ENOUGH when he heads out until 3am. Lol, YES to "scratch" on my door for his 3am BREAKFAST. My boy.  🤗🤗🤗

 

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I hope Mister will stay warm tonight.  Some kit cats prefer to be outside at night!  It’s just their time to be awake moving around.  
Sadie has spent the last hour howling out the window at a coyote.  She really gets worked up over them.  She knows they are bad and lets everyone know when they are close!  Her paw is better with rest and dog Turmeric chews.  
The cookie exchange is on December 4.  Mark’s anniversary.  I’m baking/making three of his favorites to share.  I’m staying busy with preparing the house and baking.  My mind can’t get distracted into the deep sadness of his death and the holidays.  It’s too much for me.  
Tomorrow is a new day with plenty to do.  I wasn’t going to put my tree up.  But my grandson told me he wanted to help me.  So I guess I’m doing it for him. 
Have a restful night!  Julie 

 

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Are you & Sadie back HOME Julie @JulieT507376 ?  🤗🤗🤗

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We are finally home and Sadie is doing so much better.  She just sprained a toe while rough playing with the other two dogs at Thanksgiving on Thursday.  She is still limping and is keeping herself quieter than normal.  Knowing her she won’t be down very long!  

So glad to be home!  Four days until the day I lost Mark.  I’m hoping no tears for me!  I have ladies coming to my house for a cookie exchange.  I’m making several of Mark’s favorite cookies to share.  He loved my cookies.❤️   I miss cooking for him.  It's been a year and I have never cooked a meal for myself unless I’ve had guests.  For him I cooked everyday.  How our lives change in an instant.  How one person can change everything! 

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😴  Try to get some sleep TONIGHT Julie @JulieT507376 !!!  🤗🤗🤗

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At my son’s house and can’t sleep.  Sadie hurt her paw yesterday and I couldn’t get her into a Veterinary Clinic.  I’m calling at 8:00 am this morning hoping to get her in.  Seeing her injured is killing me.  The light in her eyes are dimmed.  

I’m glad Thanksgiving is over.  I can hear my husband saying “Everyone makes too much food!!”  And it is soo true!  We shouldn’t complain.  We should be grateful.  It was a sad day.  I found myself alone while in a house full of people.  No Mark!  

Our plan is to go home today.  Hopefully with a happy Sadie😍

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🚗🚘  SAFE TRAVELS dear Julie @JulieT507376 to you, your Grandson & Sadie  🐕!!!  🤗🤗🤗

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The eagle has been back watching over us!  Sadie doesn’t appear to frighten it!  They just coexist.  In my heart I feel it’s my dear sweet Mark boldly protecting us.  In my logical mind possibly a two year old bald eagle finding his new territory.  I’m trusting my heart.  

Sooo I can’t sleep tonight.  I’m finished making all the food for today.  Our plans are to leave at 9:00 this morning.  Busy roads I’m sure!  

It’s a bittersweet day.  Being with family and remembering last year.  It was my last Thanksgiving with Mark.  Not only was I packing up food for Thanksgiving but clothes to go to Minnesota.  I was leaving the day after.  I was going away from him when he so desperately needed me.  I think Thanksgiving is not really a day I’m thankful for.  I will always wonder if things would

have turned out differently if I would have been home with him.   
 
Sadie and I are blessed we have family today.  I’m thankful for that.  Happy Thanksgiving! 

 

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Julie @JulieT507376 , I hope you were able to "rest" LAST NIGHT or take naps TODAY.

 

When are you and sweet Sadie  🐕  leaving for your Sons?  🤗🤗🤗

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Another sleepless night!  Yes a nap sounds like a great plan!  The young eagle returned yesterday afternoon.  I got a photo of it on a post.  Wow!  It’s welcome to stay permanently❤️

 

Sadie loves spa days too!  She has her special brushes and combs!  A little spoiled I know🙄.   You wouldn’t believe the stuff she drags in stuck to her fur from outside!   I need to comb out!! 

One more day until I start cooking for Thanksgiving.  Spice cake, butternut squash soup and sweet potatoes.  Sweet potatoes were one of Mark’s favorite.  Other recipes are new this year.  I couldn’t cook more of his favorite.  

Have a Happy Tuesday!  

 

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Good Morning Julie @JulieT507376 !!!

 

I hope you were able to get some "rest" LAST NIGHT dear friend.

 

Will you be doing any cooking for YOUR trip to see BOTH sons for Thanksgiving?

 

Lol, Mister  🐈  I guess has REVERTED back to his KITTEN DAYS. Twice this morning AFTER getting full on breakfast & going back OUTSIDE - he "scratches" my door and RUNS AWAY. I am use to DOGS and learning something NEW with him.

 

Luv and hugs for YOUR sweet Sadie  🐕  and I am sure she is ENJOYING running around in the SNOW.  🤗🤗🤗

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I’m having a very rough day!! Lots of tears.  Sadie went outside and took off into the pasture chasing an eagle.  I thought it was odd.  She was gone in the distance for a short time.  When she came back home there was a figure off in the distance where she had been.  When I went to get the binoculars and returned it was gone.  Was it Mark?  Did she get to see her daddy?  I’m crazy I know.  I could never share this with my family or friends.  I’ll never know what happened today!  That amazing dog is at peace with life.  I wish I could be like her❤️

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How are you TODAY Julie @JulieT507376 ?  🤗🤗🤗

 

Is your sister already there with you or arriving "closer" to Thanlsgiving?

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I’m going to my son and daughter-in-laws home for thanksgiving.  My grandson will drive Sadie and me.  I plan to spend one night at each son’s home.  I even have a massage scheduled for the day after!  
Last Thanksgiving is so vivid in my mind with Mark being with me. Putting up the tree with him the day after Thanksgiving.  Then going out of town to never see him again.  I’m holding my breath trying to get through the next month.  I’m going to be busy.  I should be ok.  

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Hi Julie @JulieT507376 , I know it is probably a CHALLENGE with the snow you have had/having.

 

I hope you are WARM and with family whether it is the ones who stop by or your Grandson (and family) there.

 

How are you TODAY?

 

📸  Attachment  🤗🤗🤗

 

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It continues to snow and more predicted to come.  I found myself sitting hour upon hour in Mark’s chair doing absolutely nothing.  I finally pushed myself to start Christmas cards.

I always include a photo with a short family letter.  That was a tough letter to write and a sad photo to look at without my dear Mark.  I always send my cards out after Thanksgiving.  The cards people received last year Mark was still alive.  Not this year.
 I did venture out to exercise a mile up the road twice this week!  Mark would be so proud of me driving that far❤️

 

Hoping you and Mister have a great Saturday!  

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GOOD Morning Julie @JulieT507376 and Sadie  🐕!!!

 

I bet you guys have had a fire going when not snuggled all up in bed for some zzz's. I hope you are BOTH keeping warm and the generator folks stop by SOON!!!

 

Never lived way out like you dear friend, but did live in the Midwest age 16 to 20. Brrr!!! I do miss having a fire, but NOT setting it up or cleaning up.

 

Gosh, I hope the SNOW eases up some so you can at least get to the things that have been keeping you busy - volunteering, book club and so on. I DO NOT do well "mentally" when I am trapped inside when I DO NOT want to be. Lol, now I do luv my STAY IN MY BED ALL DAY at times.

 

Luv to you and sweet & beautuful Sadie. They say snow in the higher mountains. Wish them luck, so GLAD it is NOT me as yet. Mister  🐈  has been fed (yes, the TOO EARLY breakfast) and I am now TRYING to get the interest in getting in the shower. 30's - brrrr!!! Time to bring out my bathroom space heater and hope my hot water heater is being nice = hot water. Lol, old and like us - gets tired at times.  🤗🤗🤗

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No fireplace at my house!  Just electric!  My grandson has a fireplace if we loose electricity I can go there to keep warm.  We got another 6 inches last night!  This is somewhat early for central Washington.  Long winter ahead of us!  

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Julie @JulieT507376 , how are you TODAY?  🤗🤗🤗

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Good Morning!  I’ve been awake since 3:00 am.  Sadie is still sleeping beside me.  I’m on the west coast so it’s only 4:00 here.  There is a snow storm outside!  Another day to hunker down!   Do you get your car today?  
Julie❤️

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I totally understand what you're going through I went through basically the same thing 6 years ago.  I was in the hospital for nearly a month and 3 days after I got home my husband of 25 years passed away in the home.  I am alone as well but I still feel him in the house I leave the TV on 24/7 just to have a noise and it helps.  But I swear there are times that he is talking to me.  I can even feel him Pat my head or shake my shoulder it's very comforting.  Stay strong you'll make it through this.

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Dixie,

I’m so sorry for your loss. Hopefully time will make it less painful.  I’m hoping anyway.  I feel my husband in many ways.  He will flicker a light or brush a warm breeze over me.  I’m trying to be more aware of his presence. I miss him sooo much.  

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Good Morning Julie @JulieT507376 !!!

 

I hope you got some sleep LAST NIGHT.

 

Any plans for TODAY Ms. Busy?

 

Hope you are staying warm and safe.  🤗🤗🤗

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Sadie had me up early at 3:30 this morning!!  She loves playing in the snow!  I’m sure a nap is in the plans today.  Lots of snow and low fog today so I’m staying close to home.  I have several things planned next week, book club and Mah Jongg but probably won’t go if the snow continues to fall!  Not so busy!    Mark has been visiting a lot lately!  Several of my lights have flickered.  His one year anniversary since I lost him is only two weeks away.  Heavy on my heart. 💜 

I hope you have a wonderful Sunday.  Warm and sunny would be nice! 

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Good Morning Julie @JulieT507376 !!!

 

Hmmm, I am guessing you are now covered with snow.

 

Here in Virginia (so far since I moved here in 2018) the Winters have been MILD.  🙃🙃🙃

 

A different story when I arrived February 2015 from SUNNY FLORIDA. I was living in Manassas, Virginia and my daughter - Arlington, Virginia.

 

Lol, GLAD I had NOT found a job when the SURPRISE LATE WINTER STORM ARRIVED the same week of my arrival.  😱😱😱

 

Yes, in MARCH - a month considered Spring.

 

Anyway, here in Cave Spring (Virginia), knock on wood - maybe snow flurries and ice. I am on a HILL, so GLAD now retired as those days of SLIDING down my hill are NOT missed. Out here, SIDE streets are NOT salted. Lol, then TRYING to get back up the hill.  😂🤣

 

Alot of people leave their cars at the BOTTOM of the hill, especially at night = no street lights.

 

Anyway, I hope you and Sadie  🐕  are snuggling and maybe a fire???

 

Do you have enough food for you BOTH?

 

What about plowing/shoveling, icing - any help?

 

As ALWAYS, I am here for YOU  🤗🤗🤗

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Yes and more snow coming!  I moved my grandson and his family into a new manufactured home onto my property this summer.  My grandson is going to keep my long driveway plowed for me.  So blessed to have them.  I couldn’t live here without them. 
Today I’m helping with a community harvest potluck at the church.  I made a spice cake and old fashioned Mac and cheese.  I’m on the decorating committee too.  Today will be full.  
Mark loved winter and snow!  Me not so much!  Cold and hard to drive in.  He always took such wonderful care of me❤️

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Mister  🐈  is sending a SPECIAL HELLO to his girl Sadie  🐕.

 

Julie @JulieT507376 , I hope you guys have a PEACEFUL DAY my friend!!

 

Luv,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗  (Grief Forum)

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