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Holidays are the worse

Hi, I am new to this forum.  Actually, I have never written on an on-line forum before.  But the hurt inside of me is just too strong.  My husband died 7 months ago, not sudden but quick.  He was diagnosed with cancer and died 5 weeks later.  My only consolation is that he did not suffer longer.  But he was only 65 years old.  We got married later in life and were only married for 20 years.  He was going to retire the end of this month and our new, wonderful life was about to start.  Now I am facing my first Christmas without him.  I miss him every day but as soon as we turned the corner into December it has become unbearable.  I know that so many people are grieving, and I feel bad for each and every person out there that feels like me.  Life can just be so hard sometimes.  I know that the hurt and pain will never leave me but I am hoping for the day that I can get through without so many tears.  I know that if you are on this forum you will have a tough holiday.  I just hope that there is someone that can give you a hug.  I sure hope that someone gives me a hug, because I miss those bear hugs most of all.

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HUGS to you, Eileen.  

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Hi @EileenP559346 , great hearing from you! Lots and lots of luv and hugs coming your way. Nicole 🤎🤗

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Thank you to all that have responded.  I hope that all of you were able to get through Christmas without too much pain.  It is funny, yesterday was not terrible since I was with my family, however, today is awful since I have been alone all day with my thoughts.  My stepdaughters posted a picture of themselves at the restaurant today that we always took them to at Christmas.  I am glad we have those memories, but they are also very difficult to deal with.  I wish you all a good rest of the week.  I know that going into the New Year will bring a whole new set of hurts.  The thought of going into a New Year that he is not a part of is especially difficult.  I am hanging in there for him since I know he would not want me to fall apart.  Take care and wishing you all the best possible.  Eileen

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And thank you for posting. We will not give up! The hopes ,prayers,and support will keep coming your way. A day at a time, your not in this alone.

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🤗12/27/22 Thank you SO MUCH for posting this @LeeS6949. That is all we can do as we "grieve" - thanks for the reminder 🤗


@LeeS6949 wrote:

And thank you for posting. We will not give up! The hopes ,prayers,and support will keep coming your way. A day at a time, your not in this alone.


 

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We must give support where and to who we can. That's one of the best things about this community. It gives us the chance to give something very much needed to people who need it the most,and in doing that,altho we ask for nothing in return,we receive so much in our hearts. Those of us missing someone will survive this process but its made so much better (not necessarily easier) with the help of others. Friends,family,and total strangers all play a significant part. What better gift to give.

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(12/27/22) I agree @LeeS6949 and you have been there for so many of us! Thank you. 🤔🤎


@LeeS6949 wrote:

We must give support where and to who we can. That's one of the best things about this community. It gives us the chance to give something very much needed to people who need it the most,and in doing that,altho we ask for nothing in return,we receive so much in our hearts. Those of us missing someone will survive this process but its made so much better (not necessarily easier) with the help of others. Friends,family,and total strangers all play a significant part. What better gift to give.


 

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(12/26/22) So good seeing your post today @CarolynS674392 . Much luv and hugs coming your way! Nicole 🤎🤗

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(12/23/22) @LeeS6949 , I agree with @Therapist4u , you are one AWESOME member!!! Nicole 🙂

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(12/23/22 7:36pm EST) You are in my thoughts @jonibee  and @EileenP559346 . Nicole 🤎🤗

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Eileen ..I too know what you're going through as I recently lost my hubby and best friend of 63 years ..The hurt is deep and this will be my first Christmas with out him. Just dealing with the paperwork is over whelming and then to have to deal with possessions as to what to keep and what to give away.brings on more despair..I have been reading a book that has been of great help to me "I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye" written by Brook Noes & Pamela D, Blair, PHD..it  deals with different scenarios that one faces when losing a loved one..I was lucky to have my hubby for all those years but the loss is overwhelming..some days are better than others ..I hope you can find comfort in knowing that others are too experiencing the pain of loss that you are experiencing  and with time things will ease for you..I am lucky to have our adult children who are of a great comfort to me as they too are trying to deal with the loss of their Dad...My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time in both of our lives...Take care and God Bless you...

Regular Contributor

Thank you jonibee.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I am going to check out that book.  I do find that it helps to read as much material as I can, even though I can barely see the words through tears it is a strange, cathartic feeling afterwards.  5 months to the day of losing my husband my father passed away.  Today is the 7 month anniversary of my Stan's death and 2 month anniversary of my beloved father's death.  Not having Stan here when dad died was so very hard as he was also my best friend and would have helped me through it.  Thank you so very much for your thoughts and prayers.  Having family around this Christmas will be what will get me through.  I have already told myself that when I need to walk away and take some time for myself I will do that.  I will be thinking of you also this first Christmas.  That word "first" is so daunting as I know that this is the first of every Christmas for the rest of my life. - Take care and God Bless you also

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Thank you for your kind words as you are experiencing the same emptiness ..That book is a pick up and read a little here and there and it has some suggestions as to how to cope with your loss. I feel like I'm at loose ends and stuck in between a rock and a hard place not all the time but there are days that I have no motivation to do anything..Hopefully this will pass. I found the paper work to deal with grueling and that is starting to come together. It was good that I was the manager in our household..He made the bacon and I cooked it so this was fortunate for me to be able to continue this way after his passing. To face the holidays and get through them is hard but I try to look at Christmas for what the real meaning is and I think of happier times. Hoping that you're able to get through them with peace...I will also think of you this holiday and hope you are at peace too..

Conversationalist

Hi @EileenP559346

My condolences on your loss.....may you find healing & comfort from family friends...& here as well....

One way to honor your husband is to plant a memorial tree, it’s a living tribute that you can do privately by your place, with help from friends...or in a community garden...

Also .... I found several websites that can do it for you....one I’ve used is alivingtribute.org  “With each order, tree planting organizations under the supervision of the Forest Service commit to planting new trees on designated National Forests and State Parks in dire need of restoration.... Every 1,000 tree seedlings that we plant will restore four acres of forest and create critical wildlife habitat.”

 

Take care   ☮️~Allen 🎄

Trusted Contributor

12/23/22 7:34pm EST) Hi @Therapist4u , I luv your Memorial Tree suggestion. Nicole 🙂

Conversationalist

Hi @APassionateLife 🤶 Thank you...

🎄A tree 🎄 planted in someone's memory is a living tribute that benefits present and future generations, and since trees provide so many natural benefits,....

it’s a gift that keeps on giving!

Have a safe and great holiday season!

Take care  🎅 ~Allen 🏂

Trusted Contributor


@Therapist4u wrote:

Hi @APassionateLife 🤶 Thank you...

🎄A tree 🎄 planted in someone's memory is a living tribute that benefits present and future generations, and since trees provide so many natural benefits,....

it’s a gift that keeps on giving!

Have a safe and great holiday season!

Take care  🎅 ~Allen 🏂


👉 (12/23/22) You too @Therapist4u . Nicole 🤎🤗😉 👈

Regular Contributor

Thank you Allen.   Definitely something I will look into.  My husband was a wonderful man and any way I can pay tribute and honor his life is something I want to do.  I really do appreciate the suggestion.  

Conversationalist

You're  welcome Eileen. 🤶

I thought this might be of some help....I subscribe to their emails

Lantern, a public benefit corporation, is a single source of guidance for navigating life before and after a death.

www.lantern.co/articles

such as: Getting Through the Holidays When You're Grieving

 

Take care  🎄

~Allen 🎅

 

 

Periodic Contributor

Enable your PM.stay strong God loves you..

Williaem Michael
Bronze Conversationalist

Hello,my name is Lee and I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss and in my way welcome you to the arrp community. I am somewhat new here myself and I've found the folks on here genuinely caring and sincere in their efforts to help. There are no easy and quick answers or solutions for what you are feeling, only the fact that although time doesn't " fix it" it does however help the healing process. You may not feel it right now but you are in a good place to receive some of the support that you seek. The good people here will not let you down. The didnt me. My prayers are with you. Bless you.

Regular Contributor

Thank you so much Lee.  It is so nice to be able to talk with people that care and understand what I am going through.  I really appreciate your kind words and prayers.  

 

Bronze Conversationalist

You are very welcome Eileen . This forum has almost unlimited potential. If you ever need an ear to bend I have 2 just hanging out on the side of my head. A day at a time..

Regular Contributor

Thank you again Lee.  As Allen said the comment on the 2 ears made me laugh also.  Life can be so difficult and it was so nice of you to reach out.  I appreciate it more than I can say.  I am trying one day at a time, one hour at a time.  I know it takes time but I will get there.  Take care.  Eileen

Conversationalist

I wanted to say to @LeeS6949

That was nice of you to offer your kind words....even a small gesture from on online friend can go a long way...

 

Also your last lines “If you ever need an ear to bend I have 2 just hanging out on the side of my head”  .....made me chuckle 🙂

Take care   ☮️ ~Allen 🎅

Bronze Conversationalist

Thank you Allen. Just trying to give back a little of whats been given to me here in this great community. Have a safe and wonderful holiday season.

Conversationalist

You're  welcome Lee.

Also.....Thank you... Have a safe and wonderful holiday season too!

Take care  🎅

~Allen 🏂

 

 

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