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Re: Grieving around the holidays

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doglover52 wrote:

I'm the only family member who has stayed in our hometown in Buffalo,NY,because my job was here. I have a younger brother,John who lives in Rye,NY older sister,Mary who lives in England. I'm close with JOhn talk to him every Sun,see him&his family 1-2 times a yr,not close with Mary.

Christmas has never been one of my favorite holidays,I could do with out it.

My parents birthdays are 5 days apart,mom's is 12/8,dad's is 12/13,the older I get, some yrs I can get thru the holiday without being sad they are no longer here. This past week,I learned one of our beloved co-workers who had been battling leukemia for 4 1/2yrs lost his battle on 12/8,this put me in a sad mood for most of the week. I'm in a better frame of mind today.

I have a group of  friends I've made over the yrs,,would be lost if they weren't in my life. A couple,Marcia&Dave and their 2 sons,Alexei&Dave,Jr are my closest friends,I spend alot of time with them,they are my '2nd family'. I see Marcia&Dave most Sat mornings for our weekly chats, I spend xmas day afternoon with them,so enjoy their company and vice versa. I'm blessed they are in my life,would do anything for them vice versa Sue


Love your tag line: Walkers take it in stride. As do you.

 

There is sadness and gratitude woven into your days, and into this time of year. You have a great attitude.

 

 

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Re: Grieving around the holidays

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margaret23509 wrote:

I have a lot of memories this time of the year to deal with but I count my blessings, oh, it was not easy to get to where I'm even at right now. ....Memories, precious memories of Christmas's past but I feel so blessed to be here this morning at this computer, oh, I forgot to mention, My older brother lives with me also, so, once again I am a caregiver. He's stays pretty much to himself in the back bedroom but I am responsible for him. I know it's not easy and you don't have to celebrate Christmas in an elaborate way, just what is right for you. God bless!


I love this, Margaret, thanks so much for writing this. Yes, yes. You are a survivor, a caregiver, a mother and grandmother, a sister, a friend. You have family with you. You are grateful. I think you are marvelous. 

 

I hope your sons get reconciled. I swear I can't count the number of families who are deeply hurt by some aspect of estate sorting. And i wish it wasn't true. In my practice over the years, as a geriatric care manager and medical social worker, i've encountered all sorts of estrangements. It's such a shame. It's just stuff. I hope you can see your grandchild soon, too.

 

Celebrating Christmas in my world means putting on my local PBS radio station and listening to the Christmas service from London with all those fabulous accents and music. And eggnog. And Christmas eve service at my church. Fruitcake (I love fruitcake). And hopefully seeing my kids, although i'm divorced so it depends on the year.

 

I hope it's a lovely Christmas for you, Margaret, however it plays out. And that you take care of you.

 

Jane

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Re: Grieving around the holidays

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Serendipity30 wrote:
I totally get it. I'm actually tired of all the feel good holiday movies this year. I just want to get back to normal as soon as possible. This is from someone who absolutely loved the holidays. This year, not so much.
I don't know if it's the weather or circumstances or both. I hurt myself decorating and it's just not worth it anymore. Maybe my mood will lift soon. I don't know.

One thing I love about the holidays is the slower pace. Less traffic. Less honking. (People in my area of the country are pretty grumpy. DC. Worst traffic in the USA now). I like driving around at night and seeing the decorations up. But i don't want to put them up myself, either. I'm with you on that! A quiet pace. Pretty lights. That's enough for me.

 

Jane

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Re: Grieving around the holidays

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gatorgorilla wrote:

margaret23509 wrote:

I know it's not easy and you don't have to celebrate Christmas in an elaborate way, just what is right for you. God bless!


Thanks for saying what you did, Margaret, about just doing "what is right for you", in celebrating Christmas.  Those words give a sense of validation - a kind of benediction - to all of us whose plans are less than "seasonably festive".   

 

My husband & I have virtually no plans for Christmas this year, other than to let it quietly occur.  We will be fine with our quiet Christmas - that is our choice.

 

I find December to be much more peaceful, with a low-key attitude about holiday preparation & celebration.  Gives me time to appreciate the finer, quieter, more meaningful aspects of the Season.

 

I realize that the holiday season means different things to different people -  so let us each try to be comfortable with our own approach, while leaving others to their preferences - guess that is about the best we can do!    Pam

 



gatorgorilla wrote:

margaret23509 wrote:

I know it's not easy and you don't have to celebrate Christmas in an elaborate way, just what is right for you. God bless!


Thanks for saying what you did, Margaret, about just doing "what is right for you", in celebrating Christmas.  Those words give a sense of validation - a kind of benediction - to all of us whose plans are less than "seasonably festive".   

 

My husband & I have virtually no plans for Christmas this year, other than to let it quietly occur.  We will be fine with our quiet Christmas - that is our choice.

 

I find December to be much more peaceful, with a low-key attitude about holiday preparation & celebration.  Gives me time to appreciate the finer, quieter, more meaningful aspects of the Season.

 

I realize that the holiday season means different things to different people -  so let us each try to be comfortable with our own approach, while leaving others to their preferences - guess that is about the best we can do!    Pam

 


I so agree with what you're saying Pam. I do enjoy sending Christmas cards but this year have not received much acknowledgement or a card in return. Nevertheless, I will continue to send my cards until they start coming back to me unopened.   I don't send to receive and I realize not everyone does send cards these days. Expensive for some I expect, and maybe old fashioned for others.

 

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Re: Grieving around the holidays

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margaret23509 wrote:

I know it's not easy and you don't have to celebrate Christmas in an elaborate way, just what is right for you. God bless!


Thanks for saying what you did, Margaret, about just doing "what is right for you", in celebrating Christmas.  Those words give a sense of validation - a kind of benediction - to all of us whose plans are less than "seasonably festive".   

 

My husband & I have virtually no plans for Christmas this year, other than to let it quietly occur.  We will be fine with our quiet Christmas - that is our choice.

 

I find December to be much more peaceful, with a low-key attitude about holiday preparation & celebration.  Gives me time to appreciate the finer, quieter, more meaningful aspects of the Season.

 

I realize that the holiday season means different things to different people -  so let us each try to be comfortable with our own approach, while leaving others to their preferences - guess that is about the best we can do!    Pam

 

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Re: Grieving around the holidays

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I'm the only family member who has stayed in our hometown in Buffalo,NY,because my job was here. I have a younger brother,John who lives in Rye,NY older sister,Mary who lives in England. I'm close with JOhn talk to him every Sun,see him&his family 1-2 times a yr,not close with Mary.

Christmas has never been one of my favorite holidays,I could do with out it.

My parents birthdays are 5 days apart,mom's is 12/8,dad's is 12/13,the older I get, some yrs I can get thru the holiday without being sad they are no longer here. This past week,I learned one of our beloved co-workers who had been battling leukemia for 4 1/2yrs lost his battle on 12/8,this put me in a sad mood for most of the week. I'm in a better frame of mind today.

I have a group of  friends I've made over the yrs,,would be lost if they weren't in my life. A couple,Marcia&Dave and their 2 sons,Alexei&Dave,Jr are my closest friends,I spend alot of time with them,they are my '2nd family'. I see Marcia&Dave most Sat mornings for our weekly chats, I spend xmas day afternoon with them,so enjoy their company and vice versa. I'm blessed they are in my life,would do anything for them vice versa Sue

Walkers Take It All In Strides
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Re: Grieving around the holidays

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I have a lot of memories this time of the year to deal with but I count my blessings, oh, it was not easy to get to where I'm even at right now. I just got out of the hospital this past Thursday, my heart, anyway, I feel good this morning. Oh, how grateful I feel to be able to say that. My husband died 6 years ago. He had a cerebral hemorrhage at the age of 52 and lived another 20 years. I took care of him those years and that was at the same time I was taking care of my mother. Come to think of it, I guess I've been a caregiver almost all of my adult life. My husband was put on antidepressants due to the fact that he was so depressed after his hemorrhage. For the very first time in his life, he went into a manic episode and was diagnosed with being manic depressive, he had never shown any signs before. Soooo, I had to deal with that, and believe me that was not easy. Getting to the holidays, this is the first year that my younger son and his family are going to be away for the holidays. There are hurt feelings between my older son and younger son over the sale of the old homestead. This Christmas could really have been a downer for me but I've got so much to be thankful for. My older son has moved in with me, I have two very loving dogs and I have two sons and I became a grandmother for the first time last year, even though I don't get to see my grandchild that much, I know she's there. Memories, precious memories of Christmas's past but I feel so blessed to be here this morning at this computer, oh, I forgot to mention, My older brother lives with me also, so, once again I am a caregiver. He's stays pretty much to himself in the back bedroom but I am responsible for him. I know it's not easy and you don't have to celebrate Christmas in an elaborate way, just what is right for you. God bless!

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Re: Grieving around the holidays

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Message 8 of 13
I totally get it. I'm actually tired of all the feel good holiday movies this year. I just want to get back to normal as soon as possible. This is from someone who absolutely loved the holidays. This year, not so much.
I don't know if it's the weather or circumstances or both. I hurt myself decorating and it's just not worth it anymore. Maybe my mood will lift soon. I don't know.
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Re: Grieving around the holidays

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gazellen3 wrote:
Holidays are hard when our memories of the holidays include those we loved (and those we tolerated) who are no longer here. I am trying to honor their memory and also like to create a new tradition, as I believe that my loved ones would want me and my family to LIVE and not spend time sulking.

I like to ask everyone around the table what they are grateful for at the holidays and also take the opportunity to thank those that are still with us how important they are to my life. That definitely lightens the load!! Thanks for giving me the opportunity to share.

Gratitude is HUGE. Huge. I don't want anyone EVER telling me to be grateful, mind you. Pfft. But if i choose to think about what i'm grateful for, there's always something. At least one thing.

 

Jane

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Re: Grieving around the holidays

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Holidays are hard when our memories of the holidays include those we loved (and those we tolerated) who are no longer here. I am trying to honor their memory and also like to create a new tradition, as I believe that my loved ones would want me and my family to LIVE and not spend time sulking.

I like to ask everyone around the table what they are grateful for at the holidays and also take the opportunity to thank those that are still with us how important they are to my life. That definitely lightens the load!! Thanks for giving me the opportunity to share.
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