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Contributor

Grieving Loss of Spouse in Violent Death

Hi,

Does anyone have suggestions about where I can turn for help?

Does anyone share this kind of loss? How are you coping?

Nancy

 

Honored Social Butterfly

First off I’m sorry I’m just seeing this now. I am

so sorry for the passing of your husband. I lost

my husband to Cancer in 2018. It’s been over

two years and I am still actively grieving. No

matter what they say, life will never be

the same after losing your spouse.

I don’t know the violent death details

you speak of but clearly it has

traumatized you. You can get individual or

group grief counseling. It may help you to talk

about it. Or is there a family member or close

friend you can talk to? You cannot

get through this alone. My suggestion

which has helped me the most is a

book that was given to me called

”Widow to widow” by Genevieve Davis.

You  can skip around and read the

chapter you need at the time. It has

helped me a lot. You can buy

it on Amazon. Also don’t beat

yourself up about anything going

on in your life as you have been

traumatized. Take your time

and find the outlet that will help

you begin to heal. Best wishes to

you on your journey 🙏

Contributor

Dear Butterfly,  Thank you and to Shari, whose note follows yours, for your truly kind thoughts and suggestions. I am ordering Widow to Widow.  Yes, I didn't mention how my husband died.  But I will now.  A little while ago, I returned from our county sheriff's vehicle impound lot, where I filled out papers to release his van to our van to the insurance company to be hauled to the scrapyard, now that the detectives have released it. The person helping me asked if I wanted to see the van. Someone earlier had told me not to, but maybe it would be alright. OK. She shook her head. You've seen it? She nodded. It is very bad. You don't want to see it. You'll have terrible memories forever. They won't go away. Then images of my husband in the ER just before he died sprang back into my awareness. I started sobbing. My helper left her post. People around me 1/4 my age started trying to help. A few minutes later, the sheriff in charge of these acres of ruined or impounded cars gently encouraged me to let him drive me home instead of going by taxi, and so I let him. What's so hard for me to say, and write here, is that my husband died of burns when his van was engulfed in flames and he was trapped in it in his wheelchair. So, you  can understand now why I am so grateful to you and Shari for your notes.

Honored Social Butterfly

Nancy, You are a brave warrior. It

took so much courage to share

those details with us. I applaud

you for doing it. It’s a tiny step in

the grieving process so feel 

good about yourself for doing it.

I hope  you get some help from

the book. It doesn’t have all the

answers but no one does. I wish

you all the love and comfort in the

world on the journey no one ever

wants to take.  Kathy 🙏

 

Conversationalist

I have read the book you suggest, and even though I lost my husband almost five years ago it still helps me. 

Our journey through grief is a personal one, as we all grieve differently. I am still grieving as his death was not expected. I can't imagine what you are going through as your husband's death was violent, if you need a shoulder please feel free to message me. We all need someone to talk to that truly understands what it is like to lose a spouse.

Shari