End of life Doula

[KeishaS883328]

My mom is currently on hospice but I don't feel they're meeting hers nor my psycho social needs during this time.  

As her caregiver I'm struggling to support her psychologically.  She is in Denial of her situation as a lung cancer patient who is no longer getting treatment.    Has anyone had experience with an end of life Doula?

[RosemaryF433825]

Doulas are actually nonprofessional medical people who assist with childbirth.  So I've never heard of an "end of life" Doula.  However...

I've had experience with people who have used hospice, and they were nothing but positively wonderful people who made every attempt to make the persons final days both comfortable and peaceful.  I would suggest anyone having problems or concerns to bring it to the attention of hospice.  They would want to know.

[yb5352]

Hi!

I am an End of Life Doula. (EOLD)  

I saw that you posted a request for information on whether someone has enlisted the services of an End of Life Doula back in October of 2019.  I also noted that since then, there has been no response. Since I am an EOLD, clearly I cannot answer your specific question. However, there is something that I do want to address from your description of what you are going through with your mother.

You mentioned that you did not think that the hospice was meeting her/your psycho-social needs. Then you mentioned that your mom is in denial about her lung cancer.   Two different questions.  I'll address the second one since her denial is really the more important issue.

I love the fact that you are aware of, and want to do something to support your mom's denial.  

I want to address your her denial.  

You might want to talk to your mom about her diagnosis.  She may not want to hear what you have to say, and you can tell her that you too are having concerns about her diagnosis.  In fact, you can tell you mom that you are scared.  This admision could set the stage for her to open up and talk about what is important to her.

Bottom line, your mom is scared. She cannot say that she is scare and with you saying it, it could open up an opportuity for her to talk about what she won't talk to anyone else about. She is afraid of death. We all are because we don't know what is after death. You have to provide the space for her to express her feelings by being vulnerable in expressing yours.

I hope that this note reaches you while your mom is still alive.  If it has not, my condolences and sincere apoligize for not seeing your email and responding sooner.  I can be reached at yvette@compassionatetransformation.com