Death of my spouse

[a61135b]

My husband died a week before Christmas, and I don't know how to cope with it. It seems to get harder everyday. We were married for 40 years, it hurts so much what do I do

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

(4/25/24) I am thinking of you @a61135b  🤗

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[*** @a61135b wrote:

My husband died a week before Christmas, and I don't know how to cope with it. It seems to get harder everyday. We were married for 40 years, it hurts so much what do I do ***]

[mc6844]

I'm so sorry for your loss. You're in the right place. There are good and kind people here. Every time you share your grief here you lighten your load and that of others. That makes it a little easier. 

[JohnW150496]

So very very sorry for your loss.  I hope you are doing a bit better now.

My wife's mom met her husband when she was only 15 years old.  He was the only man she ever dated, then married.  They were deeply in love, married for 60 years, before he passed in his late 80s.

It was so horrible watching her try to cope.

Anyway, I hope you are ok.

If you are troubled, please consider getting into some counseling, and maybe joining a real world grief support group.

Take care now.

[SpringIsHereSoHappy]

(3/9/24) I am sorry for your loss @a61135b   💙💙💙

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[*** @a61135b wrote:

My husband died a week before Christmas, and I don't know how to cope with it. It seems to get harder everyday. We were married for 40 years, it hurts so much what do I do ***]

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[SueS788527]

Dear Newbie, I feel your pain and have walked this road as well (and still walking).  Condolences to you on your loss.  40 years is a lifetime and with it comes many memories.  Take it slow.  My husband of 48 years passed right before the holidays in 2021.  It was a tough time for many reasons.  Kelly, post below, shares some helpful thoughts.  As the saying goes, be gentle with yourself.  I often found that phrase to be confusing. But I now think that it means to start thinking of yourself, physically, mentally and spiritually if so inclined.  Try not to mourn alone.  If you can, find a trusted friend, support group, church advisor, etc.  Journaling also helped me to get my thoughts out in a safe place.  I wish you the best and encourage that you read some of the past posts on this site.  Many are written by fellow grievers like you and me and are well-intentioned and caring.  Please continue to stay with us during this difficult time.  Your friend, Sue 

[KellytheBelly]

Hi, @a61135b. This is most likely the most difficult experience to deal with, one that will become a part of you - the loss can/will change you. 

What do you do? You could bring out the most important aspects of your 40-year marriage as 'visuals,' and place these in plain view. You could look at these visuals, and write down what you feel as you look at them. It's not easy, not at all. I do think visuals help. As though your husband of 40 years, the love of your life, is still with you. Write a story to your husband. Tell him how you feel now that he's gone. Take pictures of places you've been to together, 'inside jokes' only the two of you shared, etc... Create a junk journal with all of your most cherished memorabilia, something you can look at when you're missing your husband. Make it a family/friend effort, too. Another option, that's helped me in the past, is to get a voice recorder, and record whatever's on your mind. Play it back, on repeat, and see if things get a bit better when listening to it, months later. Express yourself. This can be quite the art of oneself. Paint, draw, write... heal. You never know what you're capable of!

My condolences and sympathy for your loss. There is no instant gratification, however, the healing process takes time, and varies from one person to the next. I just hope you have family, friends, or some other support to help get you through the loss, the toughest time of your life. How you cope is up to you, truly. You have control over this. You will, however, need to find a way to cope, in your own way. It's has to come from you. Nobody will ever be able to tell you how to cope. Nobody.

Anyway, this is very personal, so... thank you for reaching out. 

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@a61135b wrote:

My husband died a week before Christmas, and I don't know how to cope with it. It seems to get harder everyday. We were married for 40 years, it hurts so much what do I do

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[SueS788527]

Kelly, your advice is very sound and has given me some new ideas as well.  It is always helpful to hear other people's experiences and perspectives.  Thank you. Your friend on the grief journey, Sue