🕯 A Place To Be With OTHERS Who Are Grieving! WE support each other.

[Anonymous]

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***A place to share and support***

Grief & Loss Team 🤎🤗

📸clipart attached📸

[RachelW425687]

Don't be afraid to stop and pause when a memory  a moment in time when our love one was by our side.  Remember,and if you close your eyes for just a minute, they will feel like they are right there. I shed a tear, but I feel the strength and i can smile now it is almost a warmth of hug around me, for I am Alone now, and never thought that would be.  .And keep telling the stories,those important moments, over and over, as we need to. The right people in your life will always listen. Even if you cry each time it's ok,cause one day you will laugh at the silly moments in time that we were so fortunate to have. Blessed it Be.

[SummerIsTooHOT]

2 comments (Friday 10/27/23)

Hi AARP EXPERT Amy  @agoyer  👋 AARP EXPERT Jane @JaneCares 👋 and AARP Sandy @sandy 👋 

WE do have a Team Member who is dealing with the "aftermath" of losing a loved one to SUICIDE. 😥

I know there are alot of EMOTIONS involved with this from my reading and meeting folks.

I am NOT an expert and was wondering IF you had any Words Of Wisdom to share with OUR GROUP? 🤔

[JaneCares]

Hello, everyone. Losing a loved one to suicide is one of the toughest things to recover from. I've worked with clients who've had this experience, and also a client last year who's son was killed intentionally with a gun. I believe that the self-searching and self-blame is most urgent and painful with suicide loss. I am so sorry that someone in this group is grappling with that loss.

Amy's story is profound and her experience points to several ways to cope, including writing a letter or more than one to the person who took their own life. Reading can be so helpful; about grief, about the challenges that the loved one faced (veteran? teenager? or as in Amy's niece's case, bipolar disorder). Also, finding other people who've lost others to suicide. 

The organization that Amy mentions, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, has resources specific to grief after suicide: https://afsp.org/ive-lost-someone/. There are videos to watch that share stories about this kind of terrible, wrenching loss.

I hope the grieving person has people around who will listen and be a caring presence. And whether or not there are supportive people, there is always psychotherapy, which after covid, is now much more available on video than it was before covid.

If there are particular challenges, i hope the grieving person will post here. Amy is a fount of support and information, and i am glad to look up resources anytime.

I am so sorry.

Jane

[agoyer]

@SummerIsTooHOT  Greiving from a suicide is especially hard. We lost my 19 year old niece to suicide in 2012. There are no words to describe what it feels like. There are, of course, so many "what ifs" and "if onlys". My niece had bi-polar disorder. I had a fight with her the last time I saw her. And we NEVER fought. I was caregiving for both parents at the time and one was in the hospital and it was Christmas and it was all just too much and I blew up at her because she wouldn't help.

I have come to a place of peace with it. I know she forgives me and I forgive her and all is well with her soul. But it was very hard to accept and so hard to grasp. I wrote her a letter and burned it to sort of symbolically let the ashes of that letter lift up to her. That helped. My sister (her mother) has done many things to deal with grief, including things to honor our Shaelee - she helped build a home for people with low incomes, she planted a beautiful garden in her memory etc. etc. Actively doing things to honor them can be so helpful. 

With suicide, we struggle to understand why they did what they did. It's such a shock. Learning about bi-polar and suicide has helped so you might try some of that eventually when you are ready. 

As you grieve your loved one who has died from suicide, there are some groups that can help, depending on your relationship with the person who has died.

• My sister, as a parent losing a child, got help from a group called Compassionate Friends for people who have lost a child.
• The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has a section of their website for those who have lost someone to suicide, including ways to connect to others in similar situations. 
• The Suicide Prevention Resource Center has good resource list of other organizations specific to loss from suicide. 

I also read several books that were helpful, but I don't have them with me right now and can't remember the names. When you are ready, a google or Amazon search will bring up some good books. 

I know it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under you. It has, so of course you feel that way. Do what you need to do right now - what works for YOU. There is no one right way to grieve and no timeline or order for how you feel at any given point in time. This is your grief, and you can learn and get support from others who are also grieving, and you don't have to follow their path either. 

Try to get sleep (talk with doc if you're having trouble), eat health meals and drink a lot of water. One moment at a time. The pain will eventually lessen, although of course it never goes completely away. But it will get easier to get through the day and you will fill joy again I promise. 

Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Author, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving

[SummerIsTooHOT]

4 comments (Wednesday 10/25/23)

Dear Estelle , I AM SO SORRY for your loss! 😭

I am SO GLAD you stopped by!!! 💃💃💃

Luv you,

Nicole 🤗

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✏Estelle wrote:

So sorry for your loss.  I lost my life partner of 21 years 8/27 so I needed help reached out and I joined GriefShare.  If you go to their website griefshare.org and type in your zip code a list of groups will appear that are near where you live.  So far I have found it quite helpful and I also go for one on one counseling with a certified counselor.

Don't be afraid to reach out.  There is a great deal of support out there.  You just have to search for it.  Best of luck!

Estelle Coffino✏

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[mc6844]

Julia, I'm so very sorry for your loss. The good people on this site can help you get through these days. Please take care.

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Thursday 10/26/23)

Safe Travels Marcy @MarcyW882921 🙏

Luv you,

Nicole 🤗

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✏@MarcyW882921 wrote:

I’m out of town for the weekend. It is my first attempt at solo travel, but I didn’t go too far.

Marcy✏

[MarcyW882921]

I’m out of town for the weekend. It is my first attempt at solo travel, but I didn’t go too far.

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Wednesday 10/25/23)

Geez, never thought I would get all my Walmart Bags unpacked TODAY!!! 😭

Mission Accomplished..... 👍

NOW for my Old Lady's Nap. 🙄

Lol, Kimberly @KimberlyM389662 

I am assuming Beasley and his brothers 🐕🐈🐈 are already knocked out. 🤣😂

See you guys later,

[KimberlyM389662]

Nicole,

I am sorry that I haven't posted in a while. I have been reading all the posts and I appreciate the support. I just have had the up and downs. My therapist yesterday asked if I had been diagnosed with ADHD because I go from one thought to another but, I think it's partially my anxiety being in full swing and that I truly believe that if I let myself grieve then I will completely break down. Yes the mascot is fine. He is huge. He has been averaging about 4.5 pounds a week. He has to weigh close to 40 lbs. Here he is taking his morning nap. I just wish he could get the potty training down. It's the poopy that's hard. 

[tttttt]

Good evening 

My husband Ron passed away 9/13/2023 and I need to get into a group that will help me through this. Or I may have a nervous break down.

[KimberlyM389662]

Mine passed away January 25th after 30 years of marriage. We all need time. I haven't really accepted it yet. We are all together and will love and support you with anything you need, even losing it. I have an anxiety disorder so I truly can relate. This group has been the best thing ever to be there in my time of need. With deepest love and prayers my and our new friend. Kim. BTW, meet our mascot Sir. Beasley. After 50 years I got my dream dog. 

[mc6844]

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear husband. And so recent! The good people on this site can offer support and ideas. Each time you share your feelings you'll feel a little lighter. Time takes time. Take care!

[ec73392645]

So sorry for your loss.  I lost my life partner of 21 years 8/27 so I needed help reached out and I joined GriefShare.  If you go to their website griefshare.org and type in your zip code a list of groups will appear that are near where you live.  So far I have found it quite helpful and I also go for one on one counseling with a certified counselor.

Don't be afraid to reach out.  There is a great deal of support out there.  You just have to search for it.  Best of luck!

Estelle Coffino

[mc6844]

So very sorry for the loss of your dear life partner. And glad you stopped by to share your grief. Little by little, a new dawn arises. Take care!

[agoyer]

@tttttt I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's a shock to the system and the sadness and grief ca be overwhelming. You've come to the right place! Lots of good suggestions are coming your way. I might just add:

• You might check GriefShare - they have a listing of support groups. 
• You can contact a local hospice organization - they often have grief support groups that are open to anyone (not just people who have used their hospice services), and/or they may have a list of local support groups they can give you. 

My heart goes out to you. I know you feel alone; there are lots of people here to support you. And I encourage you to reach out to friends and family and ask for their help. They can help get you out of the house now and then, gradually help you re-engage in activities and life. 

Also, always remember you can call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (they help people in any kind of a crisis - not just suicide) any time 24/7 - just call 988. You can also chat or text with their well-trained crisis counselors - check their website to do that. 

Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Author, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving

[MarcyW882921]

Oh my @tttttt ! I am so sorry to hear about your husband Ron. What you are feeling is so frightening! I'm so glad you stopped by to post and the people who post in this forum will do our best to try and support you however we can.

I don't know where you are or what kind of group you are interested in joining. I understand that hospice groups offer bereavement groups, although mine never contacted me to offer the service. I was put on a wait list from Jewish Family Services (and their groups are for all people regardless of religious or non-religious background) and they did call me when there was an opening. Community churches also offer groups or individual meetings with clergy.

My heart goes out to you!

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Tuesday 10/24/23)

Lol, Marcy @MarcyW882921 🤣😂

GOOD to hear from you! 💃💃💃

Luv You,

Nicole 🤗

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✏@MarcyW882921 wrote:

Yes Nicole @SummerIsTooHOT, I did this in the last couple of weeks. Fortunately it was with a pair of jeans and I had a long shirt so I don't think anyone noticed but me!  LOL

Marcy✏

[MarcyW882921]

Nicole @SummerIsTooHOT,

Hoping things have calmed down for you and you got your WalMart fix.🙂

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Tuesday 10/24/23)

Hey MC @mc6844 , can you tell us about your picture? 🤔

Thanks,

Nicole 🤗

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✏@mc6844 wrote:

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📸  MC Attached A Picture  📸

[mc6844]

Yes. My new ceramic pup! I had fun fooling those who thought it was a real puppy! Lol  

[SummerIsTooHOT]

2 comments (Monday 10/23/23)

⚠️QUESTION OF THE DAY/NIGHT!

Did you do something (or plan to) that brought you peace TODAY/TONIGHT? 🤔

ME:  I changed Pillowcases TODAY and BEFORE putting on CLEAN one - I SPRAYED Cinnamon on pillow.

These are PRICEY and come in DIFFERENT scents including Pumpkin. 🙃

But I DESERVE them = RELAXES me after a Day From H.ll like TODAY! 😎

[mc6844]

Sorry about your day Nicole. Hope today is easier!

[ec73392645]

Funny I also changed pillow cases today and sprayed lavender

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[mc6844]

[SummerIsTooHOT]

2 comments (Monday 10/23/23)

It was NOT "funny" THIS MORNING - but now it is/lol 🤣😂

Here I am in the Waiting Room at my Eye Doctor THIS MORNING for my 8:30am appointment AFTER "running" late. 🙄

I am looking out the WINDOW and notice something WHITE on my blouse in my reflection.

Oh YES, a tag! I had put on my blouse on WRONG SIDE. 😱

Ran to their Restroom to flip it over.

Can you imagine I would have been the TALK OF THE OFFICE today once I left....

Yikes, NO sleep last night = glad I made it to them and back home WITHOUT running anyone over.

Anyone ever done this? 🤔

[MarcyW882921]

Yes Nicole @SummerIsTooHOT, I did this in the last couple of weeks. Fortunately it was with a pair of jeans and I had a long shirt so I don't think anyone noticed but me!  LOL

Marcy

[mc6844]

Lol Yes with cardigans many times.