"Elder Orphans" - Facebook Group

[EveRH]

I just got a link from an AARP Livable e-mail, for an article about "Elder Orphans". The article contained a link to a closed Facebook group for us. If you request to join the group, a 3-item questionnaire pops up, asking your age, marital status, and status regarding children. Then you have to wait for the administrator to check it out & approve you.

It should be interesting to see what information they provide, and what the conversations are about.

[Winter2024]

👴👵  How to Face the Challenges of Solo Aging (AARP Article)

FROM THE ARTICLE - SEE ARTICLE FOR MORE!!!

*** Sometimes the AARP site requires you sign in AGAIN to read the AARP articles. It will be the SAME way you sign in to post in this AARP Forum ***  

No Spouse, Partner or Kids? Solo Agers Don’t Need to Go It Alone.

Set up support systems early, so you can age independently with confidence.

By Laura Petrecca, AARP. Published December 14, 2016. Updated September 15, 2023.

Aging solo can be liberating. You can watch reality TV judgment-free, decorate your home however you like, and come and go on your own schedule.

But it can also feel daunting, as one pressing question often swirls in the minds of those without a spouse or children: Who will care for me as I age?

The answer: You are going to take care of yourself, says Jay Zigmont, a financial adviser and life coach.

By taking proactive steps and surrounding yourself with proper professional guidance, you can create your own safety net. Here’s what to do.

https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/basics/info-2017/tips-aging-alone.html

[Winter2024]

👴👵  Aging Alone: How to Build a Community to Rely On (AARP Article)

FROM THE ARTICLE - SEE ARTICLE FOR MORE!!!

*** Sometimes the AARP site requires you sign in AGAIN to read the AARP articles. It will be the SAME way you sign in to post in this AARP Forum ***

Solo Agers Facing the Future Need a Network of Friends.

With no close relatives to depend on, these older Americans look to community for caregiving support.

By Sharon Jayson, AARP. Published October 07, 2022.

Stacy Davenport says she began to worry about her future just before she turned 60.

“I was flipping out and talked to a friend about why I was anxious about 60,” she says. “If I get sick, I have nobody to take care of me."

https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/basics/info-2022/solo-agers.html

[Winter2024]

[Tuesday 9/3/24]  Hi Adela @AdelaP283980 , maybe we can start an ELDER ORPHANS GROUP here IF YOU and OTHERS are interested.

I do NOT do Facebook.

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

[AdelaP283980]

TO ALL:  PLEASE DO RESPOND TO ME, THANK YOU!    🙂

Hey Nicole, I'm ALL FOR IT and MIGHTY INTERESTED!!!  (See Nicole's message below). And I wrote you withh a little suggestion (can't find it here(?).  Did you see it?  I suggested strongly to start a group and one of its advantages could be that younger members could be others' executors, trustees, etc.  Are we all here from NYC?  In our new group perpahs in time we could gather at a coffee shop to discuss this important matter..  I'm looking for an elder and/or estate lawyer, but lawyers don't usually provide the persons needed around the dead person.  It's up to us (familyless and friendless) to find them.  Where better to find them than within an "Elder Orphan's Helping One Another" Group???  :).  

I hope you and all others on this forum respond that they want a new group and will contribute with active suggestions.  We can encourate people in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond so we'll always have younger-than-us members to volunteer for the older members.  🙂        Adela

FROM: Nicole. Fall2024inVA, to me:

"Maybe we could start an ELDER ORPHANS GROUP here IF YOU and OTHERS are inteerested."

[Winter2024]

[Tuesday 9/3/24] Hi Adela @AdelaP283980 , I am in Virginia. Hmmm, I am NOT one to "trust" strangers but maybe there are folks who do. AWESOME suggestion!!! I will probably end up contacting the attorney who did my LEGAL stuff. Nicole  👵

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[*** ADELA wrote: TO ALL:  PLEASE DO RESPOND TO ME, THANK YOU!    🙂

Hey Nicole, I'm ALL FOR IT and MIGHTY INTERESTED!!!  (See Nicole's message below). And I wrote you withh a little suggestion (can't find it here(?).  Did you see it?  I suggested strongly to start a group and one of its advantages could be that younger members could be others' executors, trustees, etc.  Are we all here from NYC?  In our new group perpahs in time we could gather at a coffee shop to discuss this important matter..  I'm looking for an elder and/or estate lawyer, but lawyers don't usually provide the persons needed around the dead person.  It's up to us (familyless and friendless) to find them.  Where better to find them than within an "Elder Orphan's Helping One Another" Group???  :).  

I hope you and all others on this forum respond that they want a new group and will contribute with active suggestions.  We can encourate people in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond so we'll always have younger-than-us members to volunteer for the older members.  🙂        Adela

FROM: Nicole. Fall2024inVA, to me:

"Maybe we could start an ELDER ORPHANS GROUP here IF YOU and OTHERS are interested." ***]

---

[AdelaP283980]

Yes, they would be strangers, but even your lawyer is a stranger compared to a loving family or close friend.  And if you didn't have a lawyer, you'd have to hire a stranger lawyer.  The important part of this matter is to choose the needed persons  WHILE ALIVE.  As to location it's most important since I couldn't walk to Virginia lol!

The irony of life - we're usually born celebrated with bells and whistles and...reach our end with problems, some of them unsolvable as is getting someone trusted to watch that no fraud is committed when we're gone.   Sigh...  🙂

[Winter2024]

(Tuesday 9/3/24] Hi Adela @AdelaP283980 , as stated in a previous post - I have things set up with my only child in Florida. So I am NOT an Elder Orphan. I will check with my attorney to see what he suggests in case she dies before I do. Not sure when I will do this. Nicole  👵

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[*** ADELA wrote: Yes, they would be strangers, but even your lawyer is a stranger compared to a loving family or close friend.  And if you didn't have a lawyer, you'd have to hire a stranger lawyer.  The important part of this matter is to choose the needed persons  WHILE ALIVE.  As to location it's most important since I couldn't walk to Virginia lol!

The irony of life - we're usually born celebrated with bells and whistles and...reach our end with problems, some of them unsolvable as is getting someone trusted to watch that no fraud is committed when we're gone.   Sigh...  🙂 ***]

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[EveRH]

3 weeks ago when I was walking for exercise in my neighborhood, I fell in the street, breaking both wrists! It's been a real experience in being an "elder orphan"! No phone, noone who could bring clothes to the hospital for me, no one to let friends & family know what happened, no one to feed my cats. I had to insist on going home, so I could set some things up myself! In rehab, one of my roommates had a daughter who visited daily & washed her hair, my next roommate had 10 children, one of whom was a nurse, and they "took shifts" staying with their mother. The 3rd had 8 children, and her husband spent most of the day with her. Now I'm home from rehab, I have braces on that I can't remove or put back on myself, and am awaiting a call from a service that provides at-home personal care & therapy .. but that won't be enough, since I can't prepare fresh food for myself, except pre-packaged microwave stuff.

[SIMPLEGAL]

Being an "Elder Orphan" is something I never imagined would happen to me.

[AdelaP283980]

Neither did I.  I guess few people can tell in advance.  But whatever it is, I feel there's something we could do to mitigate this serious obstacle.  I suggsted something to a member here in response to her suggestion. but it seems she changed her mind... 😞      So sorry!  Will try to answer her.  🙂

[PattyDiane]

I am a member of the "Elder Orphans" group on FB and have not, as yet, been contacted about the need of a photo.  I haven't posted on the group for some time and wonder if I will receive that notice if and when I do.

I'm not certain how I feel about the need of a photo.  I don't have one on my FB page and the only one I know about on line is one posted by my high school reunion group which is my high school graduation picture.

I have found the group interesting at times, especially around the holidays which can be difficult for a lot of us who doesn't have family.  Then, as mentioned in an earlier posting, there have been some unkind comments to some members who might have family, even if they are unable to see them.  For myself, I've lost both parents and also one of my two sisters.  My other sister lives 200 miles away from me and is disabled and also hates to talk on the phone.  She hasn't answered my e-mails and the only way I know that she's still alive is through her daughter.  I also have two step-children who also live far away and I communicate with them mainly through FB.

[eyches]

sounds like the group is not being properly moderated. 
  I started an Elder Orphans for Bernie group. It's not busy either lol.
   I may start another one that isnt so  shall we  sAy, stuck up. But it will be on another social amedia site, as facecrook keeps putting me in jail for some odd reason and i cant do my marketplace business that way.    

[AdelaP283980]

Hello, I'm an Elder Orphan too and have been trying so hard and for so long to get into the Facebook EO Grooup but FB just says my account is disabled!  I wanted to sign up because I don't remember my sign in due to having stopped using FB since around 20 years ago.  

Is  "Bernie" an Elder Orphan group you have organized?  If so, please could you include me too?  

On the other hand, is there a possibility that you could help me reach the FB EO group?  I want very badly to get to them and also to be in your Bernie Group.  Please let me know?  Thanks very much in advance.  🙂     Adela

[AdelaP283980]

Oh how awful!!!  And to think I've been spending days trying to reach that group in FB but it says to have disabled my account and there's no way I can break that iron barrier.  I'm hoping someone else will form an Elder Orphan Group very soon as there are so many questions I need to ask about the matter...

[Tempest332]

When you reached this pinnacle, I really don't think the Book of Faces is going to help. 😞

[Winter2024]

[Friday 8/30/24] @Tempest332 , so many of us oldsters do not have family and although I do (a daughter), I often wonder what would happen IF she dies BEFORE I do. Sad to say, I often run across seniors whose kids have died. Sometimes due to their lifestyle choices (drugs,crime) or an unexpected terminal illness and so on. This is a topic in my very humble opinion that is critical. Gosh, hate doing the WHAT IF, but I have to be realistic and figure out a PLAN B just in case she does die before me. Anyone have this figured out? If yes, would luv to hear WHAT OPTIONS are out there. Everything is set up "legally" assuming she will arrange my cremation and so on. Great discussion!!! Nicole  👵

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[*** TEMPEST wrote: When you reached this pinnacle, I really don't think the Book of Faces is going to help. 😞 ***]

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[Tempest332]

his is a topic in my very humble opinion that is critical. 

Exactly, I'm at plan B, things can change, but doubtfully will, & really haven't a clue how this will play out. 

[Winter2024]

[Tuesday 9/3/24] @Tempest332 , did you see the 2 AARP Articles I posted? Maybe there maybe some PLAN B ideas for you. I am too CHEAP, but maybe an attorney may have some options. I guess when I am MORE WORRIED, I will contact one. Nicole  👵

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[*** TEMPEST wrote: This is a topic in my very humble opinion that is critical. 

Exactly, I'm at plan B, things can change, but doubtfully will, & really haven't a clue how this will play out. ***]

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[eyches]

I was on the Elder orphans Facebook group, but for some reason was banned from it and I was never told why.

   Most of the people on there, as I remember, weren't sticking to the stated topics for the group but none of them got banned.

   I have a Facebook friend that I've had for two years now from that group and she left the group because all they were doing was talking about how much money they had and where they were traveling and they were very very very vocal about being extremely conservative in just about every way and how they didn't want to hear anything else. Poorly moderated and not along the lines of what is touted to be.

[fcschwartz]

I totally disagree with this comment.  On the contrary people often talk about living 

on limited income,. Needing to relocate to avail escalating costs, the pros and cons of shared housing and other topics which are shared across the income spectrum, like health, loneliness, the possibility of exploitation.  I have yet to read anyone bragging about their income. Strange that his lady thought that the majority would be affluent.  On the other hand we don't have a majic wand to fix ageism, lost pension, fear of going outside the house or the disappointments of getting older

[EveRH]

@fcschwartz Unless you reference a specific post, or person (the way I did you here), it's hard to know exactly what you're responding to .. especially since this discussion is kind of old.

[nanzee]

Does anyone know of a different website that provides information to 'elder orphans'?  I never joined Facebook and have no desire to do so.  

[YankeeInNC]

Have you been accepted yet? What's your feedback?

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@EveRH wrote:

I just got a link from an AARP Livable e-mail, for an article about "Elder Orphans". The article contained a link to a closed Facebook group for us. If you request to join the group, a 3-item questionnaire pops up, asking your age, marital status, and status regarding children. Then you have to wait for the administrator to check it out & approve you.

It should be interesting to see what information they provide, and what the conversations are about.

[YankeeInNC]

Have you been accepted yet? What's your feedback?

---

@EveRH wrote:

I just got a link from an AARP Livable e-mail, for an article about "Elder Orphans". The article contained a link to a closed Facebook group for us. If you request to join the group, a 3-item questionnaire pops up, asking your age, marital status, and status regarding children. Then you have to wait for the administrator to check it out & approve you.

It should be interesting to see what information they provide, and what the conversations are about.

---

[EveRH]

@YankeeInNC - Yes, I was accepted. I'm a little confused about the group, because there doesn't seem to be any "expert facilitator" to offer any guidance. I started a discussion about the major issue "elder orphans" have .. not having children to oversee healthcare, bill payment, housing maintenance & other arrangements, etc .. and it was as if it was the first time anyone raised the subject. That seemed strange, that people would talk about general things .. but not the most important one. No "expert" jumped into that discussion, to suggest agencies that could help, professional services & their benefits/limitations.

When I seem to have more information than anyone else in a group, and I'm certainly no expert, I'm not sure how much value it is. If one of the other group members suggests something that's inaccurate, there's no "professional" to correct that?!

[chasel46]

Just an update to the closed Elder Orphans facebook group that is run by Carol Marak.  In addition to answering the 3 questions to join the group, she is now requiring people to have an updated photo of themselves as part of their facebook profile in order to join or remain a member of the group. For those of you whose jobs or employers do not allow photo's of yourself to be posted on facebook, or those who are dealing with domestic violance and have been advised by your attorney not to post photo's of yourself on facebook, you will not be allowed to join the group. If you are currently a member of the elder orphan facebook group, you will be removed and blocked from rejoining the group.

[EveRH]

@chasel46 - If anyone is a member of the group & has a legitimate reason not to post a photo on FB, they should reach out to Carol privately & explain their situation; my guess is that she'll make reasonable exceptions.

That said, I found the group frustrating, because of the VERY loose definition of "elder orphan". If someone had immediate family who lived at a distance, they qualified as "elder orphans", although they could communicate & get support from them via phone or e-mail, and those family members might be able to come visit & help in an emergency situation. 

[chasel46]

No, she is making no exceptions.  I was removed from the group yesterday along with a number of other people.  As you mentioned, the elder orphan facebook group has had issues with trolls and other "unusual" people, so I suspect Carol instituted the "must have a face photo on your facebook profile" rule to try and weed out false profiles, or people just looking for trouble.  Unfortunately, I have a clearance, and my job does not allow me to have any photo's of me on the web anywhere.  It took me 2 years just to get permission to have a facebook account so I could keep up with friends from high school and college.  I do really feel sorry for the people who got out of abusive relationships, and had been advised by their attorney's not to post photo's of themselves and other identifying information to protect their current location from being determined.  Most people don't realize that the photo's taken on your phone provide geo location information inbedded in the photo itself, which is how the gov't and other law enforcement agencies, along with tech savy people, can determine your location by the photo alone.   Carole has amended the rules of the elder orphans facebook group to reflect the requirement of a facial photo on your profile in order to be allowed to join the group.     

[eyches]

Never heard of a photo being required but ive been off it for years. i contacted her via her other online methods & she said i said something "wrong" lol.  
  Im not missing anything.