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Re: My Spouse Cheated On Me Financially. Is This More Devastating Than A Physical Affair?

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Message 11 of 15

Hi, I'm the author of the piece. I don't think story is generalizing that women leave money decisions to men. However, it is a story geared toward women (The Girlfriend). In any marriage anyone can be chumped, man or woman. All it takes to be cheated on is trust. We don't control other people if they choose to behave unethically.

 

We do choose how we will respond, which is why it's good to know some strategies if this awful thing ever happens to you or someone you care about. Of course, prevention is good too -- it's not fool-proof (again, trust makes anyone vulnerable) -- but full transparency in all things financial goes a long way.

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Re: My Spouse Cheated On Me Financially. Is This More Devastating Than A Physical Affair?

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Message 12 of 15
Women of my generation and younger do not leave financial decisions to the man. My mother born in 1928 paid all the bills, and saved tens of thousands in her name. She taught me about interests rates. When I was young, and CD certificates were at 9-10%, she took me to the bank and established my first account. By the time I was 25, I had 35,000 saved thanks to the interest rate. I used that to buy my first home, in 1994, for 184K.

My father, born in 1929, had an aunt, I'd assume born in the 1800s. She had 25K in her estate when she died. She gave each of her nieces/nephews 5K. My father used that to buy the home I grew up in. By the time he was 35, it was mortgage free, thanks in all to Aunt Annie.

Now, my own children once they are 16, have their own retirement accounts they contribute to already. I wouldn't have this legacy, knowledge or empowerment and neither would my children had it now been for a women born in the 1800 and my mother born in 1929.


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Re: My Spouse Cheated On Me Financially. Is This More Devastating Than A Physical Affair?

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Message 13 of 15

I think it is a fallacy to label all women 50+ as not engaged in their finances. Even if you are fully engaged in financial matters, financial infidelity can happen, and does. Most women are engaged with their household finances but there are ways around this when a spouse is not honest and is deceitful. It is very easy for an employee to take out/borrow from their company's 401K without the spouses knowledge. It's easy to transfer assets as an employee and also change medical insurance coverage to their benefit and to the loss of the other spouse. It's also easy to change your tax status/withholding to one spouses benefit over another. It's easy to electronically or otherwise sign off for the spouse on the forms.  Also, spouses know common passwords, mother's maiden names, SS#, even elementary schools, the street you grew up on in second grade... all those little details many accounts require you to enter before giving access to accounts. 

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Re: My Spouse Cheated On Me Financially. Is This More Devastating Than A Physical Affair?

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My understanding of this situation, as a generalization, is that women traditionally leave all the financial decisions to the man. There is no reason why women cannot fully participate in looking at income, expenses, paying bills, saving, and making investment decisions, etc.

   The example given in this story is a bond trader husband which definitely complicates matters. But that isn't the norm. 'Everyday couples' should both be sitting down discussing the finances regularly.  


"...Why is everyone a victim? Take personal responsibility for your life..."
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My Spouse Cheated On Me Financially. Is This More Devastating Than A Physical Affair?

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Message 15 of 15

Financial infidelity — the misdirection, concealment or theft of marital funds — is depressingly common.  What would you do if this happen to you ?  Read The Girlfriend story here:  https://www.thegirlfriend.com/money/spouse-cheats-financially

AARPTeri
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