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Re: Letting Go of Adult Children

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You sound like a strong person. It is hard to let go when they have mental illnesses. No one is going to get healthy if ypu dont take care of yourself. I had to do some decluttering of my toxic children also. I say toxic in that they caused me so much stress i have permnent health issues. When i was in the hospital with brain anuerrysms, they didnt visit. My daughter called once.  I found out my family is the people i can depend on to be there when i am dying, which i was. My daughter did visit or stay with me and i still had to cook nearly blind with staples holding my skull together. She said she asked her husband about my brain surgery. He said it was nothing and was because i had high blood pressure.  Doc said it was a phenomenom and the stress of the kids exacerbated the bp and anuerysms.  That was my support from my kids.  Thats fine because they are off on their own. I now have my health issues to keep me busy.  I shouldve acted sooner and been stricter as then the kids wouldve wanted to leave and i wouldnt feel sad about the wasted years. What it takes for me to learn. 

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Re: Letting Go of Adult Children

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Thank you so much for your response. You are absolutely correct. I've known this in my head but needed to hear someone else say it. Yes, the disconnection was always there. Each day I feel more comfortable and happier not hearing from them. I am looking forward to the rest of my life without the negativity. I continue to pray for my children and wish them well. However, I don't have to be held hostage by their mental illness. Thanks. 

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Re: Letting Go of Adult Children

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Stand firm in your resolve! I think that they have stolen precious time for you, don't allow it to start back up. They will probably try to guilt trip you but don't fall for it. You deserve a break today and it's a long time in coming. You say that you are now disconnected as a family. If you were the only one reaching out, haven't you always been disconnected? Enjoy this precious life and keep them at arm's length.
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Letting Go of Adult Children

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Hi...I'm Nana. I am 69 years old. My daughter (age 47) and son (age 42) were both diagnosed with bi-polar & attention deficit ) around age 8.  Their dad passed away when they were young. I was a single parent with a career in government (41 years).  Our lives consisted of counseling, behaviour modification, doctors, some meds. Mostly I explained that our family was a team. We would have to help and support each other to solve the problems.  I did not date raising them. Other than work I spent the rest of my time trying to help them. To make a long story short - their behaviours were a nightmare. The help they received the worst they seem to get. As time passed there was some maturing of their nervous systems so they survived. I developed stress related illness. I retired a few years ago. I was looking forward to resting and getting healthy. There was never enough time or money for all of us to get medical care so the children came first.  The last few years have shown they are beginning to have problems again. I have repeatedly told them over the years, that once they became adults the responsibility of their health care would have to be theirs. They would need to seek their own doctors and or medication. I let them know I was getting too old and sick to continue to take on their issues. They got upset with me.  They won't help themselves. I am now officially done. I am extremely happy and sad at the same time. I feel "released" from being a hostage of their mental illness. However, since I am the only one who kept in touch with everyone we are now disconnected as a family. I keep reminding myself that my health and aging journey is important. Once again, I have turned them over to God and have let go. Hope this time I won't take them back.         

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