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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 11 of 35

Hi johnknichols!

 

Things have improved since my first post, and I do not consider our relationship toxic anymore. It does get strained at times, but then so do all joint living arrangements!

 

He has seen a therapist, when he was depressed, but with his job and more positive situation, he decided he did not need to see her anymore.

 

He is a gentle soul - works with animals all day and is very nurturing - so I am not worried about physical harm to myself or my husband.

 

Thanks for your suggestions!

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 12 of 35

Hi debpal!

 

Yes, this is the exact reason he is still here - the cost of living alone or even with roommates is prohibitive in this area! And, he has his "future rent" account where the money goes, so I am not technically collecting rent. 8-)

 

Thanks for your thoughts!

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 13 of 35

Dear s814175p,

 

Thank you so much for sharing this! My husband has reminded me that with my son, everything moves slowly, like molasses in winter, but it does move. Thus the reason I am torn about all of this. Your story gives me hope!

 

Thanks again!

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 14 of 35

Hi tynaro!

 

He is paying us rent, which I have mixed feelings about because it is slowing down his saving up to move out - which he is doing. It is just that with a near minimum wage job, that takes a long time!

 

Thanks for your idea!

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 15 of 35

Hi jc48277111!

 

I am so sorry to hear about your situation! I totally agree that times have changed. Peace and prayers for you too!

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 16 of 35

Hi js56641760! Yes, I have considered that, but the biggest concern I have is that he seems unwilling to even date while living at home, and I worry about his social isolation. He seems to think going out will be easier while living somewhere else, party because of the not driving issue - I do not follow his logic, but then, I am not him.

 

Thanks for sharing your ideas!

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 17 of 35

Hi! Thanks, rg14198798, for your response. He does have mild learning disabilities, but that was more of an issue when he was in school. It does not impact him at all now. We are working towards the next step, it just will take a while to get there!

 

I appreciate your thoughts!

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 18 of 35

This isn't always a bad situation.  My older son lived at home until he was about 30 years old.  He had a full time job, and so did I, so we were both gone all day.  However, the rules were that he had to pay a certain amount of rent each month, half of all the utilities and everything else, and he did the "heavy" chores that were difficult for me.  He took care of his own room and helped with the house and yard work.  Since I was a single mother, I liked knowing that he was there, even though he was a paramedic and was on duty every other 24-hours.  It was a shock when he bought his own home and moved out.  Having him live at home when he became an adult worked out well for us. When he left, he thanked me for the years beyond his childhood that I let him stay "home".  

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 19 of 35

29 is not a "child".  It appears he has some emotional problems and needs help.  Discuss with your Pastor or your son's doctor.  Good luck with it!

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Message 20 of 35

Some children are toxic to their parents.  Jettizon them. First, refer them to self help specialists.  Something failed in your parenting and obviously, you do not have the wherewithall to deal with them now.  Children can become parasites, even do criminal harm to parents' bank accounts and physical well being.  Don't tolerate it, don't allow problems to grow.  Get help!  Make the problems known to others, especially the authorities, before you may become unable to do that.

 

But, if you like your kid to be at home and you are not toxic to them, there is no reason not to live together.  Different strokes for different folks, do what is best for you and your offspring.

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