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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 1 of 35

I wonder if this daughter has a thyroid problem.  The sleeping all the time is what makes me wonder this.  But who knows.  Honey, I feel for you.  And when a grandchild and now also one on the way is involved it gets even more sticky.

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 2 of 35

I am getting closer and closer to a full blown confrontation but now it's the holidays.  I know we love our children even with their differences but I ask myself "What if all his actions were going against him?"  This was after seeing a doctor to be told I have an allergy to the dog, 2 nasal sprays and a shot in the rear later made less than a blink when they heard.  Said it before I love the dog but it has to stay outside, unless it's in teens or 0, Huskies were breed to live in the Artic, run in snow up to their eyeballs an enjoy it all.  I hope things are turning around with you, 

I'm thankful I have't had to deal with drugs in 25 yrs as I heard a story of a 23 year old guy getting caught with a needle, spoon, stolen money at his Moms, where he threw a glass at her.  I suppose I shouldn't complain but my health is important to me.     I hope things are turning around with you.

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 3 of 35

I have 5 children. 4 of them make it on there own. The oldest is the problem. She has made a career out of living with other people. She sleeps all the time, don't work, or help around the house. I have custody of her 7 year old son. She will ask if she can bring her stuff in until her friend gets off work. Her friend never gets off work. then she makes up excuses to buy a little more time. she is pregnant again. Came to spend the night the end of september. I have been telling her she needs to go that I can't afford her to keep staying with us. Finally after she started making another excuse I got angry and she left. We have always had a strained relationship. She has done some things to us that is crossing a line you should not cross. Having her around is a constant reminder. If she is being nice we are thinking what are you up to. I undestand how you feel.

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 4 of 35

I appreciate your reply and I know it is what I need to do for peace.  I did my best to be the good mom because his dad thought he had to have all control, me I was the soft spot.  As for taking care of my son all I do is cook once in a while but I do take care of my grandson, it's what I said before, his Mom or her family doesn't.  I so regret not going to work decades ago so I could throw that excuse!  Thank you for your words, each post I read opens a new thought in my head and soul, with not much more I believe I can do what I have to for me to survive.  GBU.

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 5 of 35

Thank you for writing. I wanted to share my recent experiences. My two children were both diagnosed  bi-polar 40 years ago - before anyone knew what that meant. Being the "great mom" I always wanted to be I told my children something I have lived to regret. I told them "we are a family and will always be there for each other - no matter what". Since my husband passed away from cancer the year before I was determined to be a great single mom. Fast forward 45 years. Feeling sorry for my children I created a nightmare. I actually removed the need for them to care for themselves. They won't even admit they have any problems. Have never sought out counseling. They got the message about receiving love but I never required them to give back - for anything. They ended up resenting me. I am now too old and sick to care for them anymore -  I resent them. I feel like I "stayed too long at the party". My daughter married a wonderful man. I have 3 of the most magnificant grandsons ever. Through all my daughter's  "misadventures" I remained close to help raise the children. The grandsons have now grown up. They won't speak to their mom because her behaviors ruined so much of their childhood. I have a great relationship with the grandchildren. I won't go into all the problems with their mom. The bottom line is that I HAD TO CHANGE. It does not matter if they change. I had to. My daughter, now 49. My son is now 44. I once thought that If I put my children out of my life - it would be the end of me. Nonsense - I did put them out. I now find myself smiling and feeling younger and better. I realized that the stress was killing me. I could never go back to our old relationship. Surprise. They are living their best lives (without me - thank God). "Let Go and Let God." Your home. File an Order For Eviction. Get them out. You will be shocked at how well they will do. They will respect you for allowing them to be adults. Do it fast before they start resenting the "crutch" of motherhood. Many Blessings to you. 

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 6 of 35

Thank you.  Honestly, I would love to keep the dog outside and rid the child. It sounds terrible as a mom but the dog wouldn't be a problem if he were outside.  I'm crushed by the laziness and lack of respect that wasn't allowed as his owner grew up  .

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 7 of 35

Honey, I understand.  I've been there several times with one of my daughters and her child, later with 2 children.  Each time I started to charge rent and assigned chores she moved out.  IT is not happening to me again!!!  Do get rid of the dog.  Tell him he has X amount of time to find another place for the dog or move out with the dog or else you are taking him to the pound.  Good luck.

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Message 8 of 35

I know what the answer is or will be before I read any regarding this.  I am referring to a 39 year old man with his own child, seems I've never had an empty house since 1969!  My problem is that this one thinks it is totally ok for him to simply exist, he has voiced he didn't like work.  He enjoys the internet, tv, eating, having a roof and a place for him, his child and dog.  For a brief time he worked at the door at a club, and would spend weekends with the babys mother, ...as friends?  I apologize for this but I am furious about now.  If it were not for the 4 year old I would have him gone, but I can't let him take the little one pillar to post.  He has finally gone to work for a 3 weeks again, which means I get to get his son up and ready for the bus. (He is on the Autism spectrum)  I get him off the bus, I make him (son) do his laundry, buy pullups and do what he can financialy for them.  Hard to do when there isn't a pay check most of the time.  I have had a hard summer, thyroid surgery, then a cold and something that wouldn't go away, went to a clinic and was told I am allergic to his dog a Husky.  Said dog is to be in the house and sheds horribly, I could make a dog with what I pick or vaccuum up and it HAS GOT TO STOP!   I know he won't continue working long enough to get and keep a place to live, the mother has issues I don't want to discuss and her family doesn't really help at all.  I have tried to stay away from the area he stays in, now away from the dog but I didn't buy this house 45 years ago to live in one room!   I know this has bounced all over the place,  there is so much more to this but I am not going to drag this out anymore.  I'm sorry, I had to vent I guess thank you for reading, I feel a bit better.

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 9 of 35

Dear ip3285,

 

Yes, it has been helpful having him here at the moment, since my husband is being treated for cancer, and my son mows the grass.  The strain is his lack of driving, but he is actually considering learning again, so that may be relieved soon. It was comforting having him in the house when my husband was in the hospital. As they say, it is a complicated situation - I guess nothing with family is ever easy!

 

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences!

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Re: Grown child living at home - need help!

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Message 10 of 35

Hi 2Papa!

 

You are right, he is not a child. I have discussed this with his doctor, and he was in therapy for a while.

 

Thanks for your thoughts!

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