Alone for the holidays?

[nyadrn]

https://www.verywell.com/how-to-cope-when-you-are-alone-at-thanksgiving-3024302

Being alone on Thanksgiving can feel challenging. This holiday is a time of year that many people spend in the company of family and friends. If you suffer with social anxiety disorder (SAD), you might find yourself alone this time of year.

Perhaps you turned down invitations to gatherings because of your anxiety, or maybe your relatives live out of town. Whatever the reason for being alone, there are ways that you can feel less lonely.

[SandraC55123]

I was alone for the holidays in the middle of some of the people who I would without a thought lay my life down. No hesitation at all. This was the second year have felt so crowded yet so alone. After the food was cooked and everybody was sated I realized I have become obsolete. I had seen signs, holidays are my favorite and when I ask about plans and no one can give me a definitive answer I just stop asking because this means they already have plans where I am not included. When it comes to asking grandma to babysit no problem. Daycare costs are approximately 1200.00 a month for an infant to 1 yr old. 8 yr old and 10 yr old after school care approximately 98.00 weekly. I am paid 230.00 a month. I take the bus at 6:30 a.m. to be in their part of town by 8:00 a.m. rain, shine freezing weather. Bus, train, train, then bus again. WHY  because I Luv my granddaughters and would go through this rather than have an incident at daycare or god forbid one of them being molested. Now I have been informed by my first daughter I need to pay her rent since I live in her home. I only help her by driving my granddaughter to school picking her up, cooking dinner, doing the child's laundry, doing homework, giving the child a bath, making sure her teeth are brushed, hair is combed, buying toiletries, and household cleaning supplies.  So I guess to a certain degree I do agree with the lady that was asking are we responsible for how we are treated. I was informed by my 3rd grandchild when I was trying to get her to brush her teeth, ' Gramma this is not your Cirus and I am not your Monkey"!! So now I am off to find a life !!!  Of my own mind you!!!! I have been asked to pay rent or move out of the house I so loving gave away!!! Jokes on me 

[sh58233857]

I was alone for Thanksgiving. There was a "free" community dinner being held at a church and all were welcome (I don't think a religious talk is given is what I mean by "all" are welcome) but I did not go.  I went one year and it was great. The first year. Not that many people were there and it was lovely. Then word got out and wow. Everyone in the world started to come. Last time I went the room was PACKED. Long tables were lined up very close to one another and chairs were tightly squeezed in. It wasn't comfortable. I know people go for a meal but I go for companionship and the physical set up was not condusive to conversation. The room is loud, etc. But if you were there just for a meal, the food was very good. 

I did not go anywhere for Christmas. I was extended an invitation but declined. I live in NY and the invitation was to go to FL. I went to FL the last two years and while I was there I did not have a good time. I stayed with a relative who has an anger management problem and his fiance who he lives with is burnt out from living with him so the atmosphere again was not pleasant. Although I was with people, I was isolated. The one with the anger problem did not want to socialize and his girlfriend as stated is irritable due to living with him. So yes I was among people, but not in a welcoming atmosphere. I appreciated the invitation. I thought it was generous.

I decided that being physically alone could not be any worse than putting myself in situations that I really did not want to be in. So I braved the storm and made my own decisions and decided that I don't have to be with others on a holiday if the whole point of being with them isn't going to be met. There was a time in my life when I would have done anything but be alone. I once joined a church and actually asked someone if I could join them for Christmas dinner as I had no plans. I viewed that as being proactive. It did not work out at all. It was so awkward. I did not even know them. And it was all their family and me. Another year a girl from work invited me to her house. I did not know her that well either and when I got there, the relatives were not getting along.

[merry1948]

Yeah, I know....same ole subject another up coming holiday, 2019. May be not for others but for me, I enjoy simply listening  and hearing from other singles how they cope or deal with being ALONE  during the holidays. Just as technology is ever evolving  my single seniors always seem  to   come up with new creative and inspiring things to do if alone for the Holidays!!!                                            Thanks  Comrades!!!

[EveRH]

Sorry I didn't notice this discussion earlier! Since my immediate family is gone, I've been sharing holidays with 2nd cousins who live in north Jersey. But in the last couple of years, half of that family have gone south for the holiday, while the other half went to a local restaurant. This year no one called me about it, so I bought a little chicken & just roasted it for myself .. came out delicious!

The one feral cat sitting in the sun outside didn't even realize how yummy real chicken is .. too used to canned cat food & kibble!

[sh58233857]

Good for you for making the chicken for yourself. It looks delicious (I like the well done crispy look on the skin) and your backround home looks beautiful.

[nyadrn]

---

@EveRH wrote:

Sorry I didn't notice this discussion earlier! Since my immediate family is gone, I've been sharing holidays with 2nd cousins who live in north Jersey. But in the last couple of years, half of that family have gone south for the holiday, while the other half went to a local restaurant. This year no one called me about it, so I bought a little chicken & just roasted it for myself .. came out delicious!

The one feral cat sitting in the sun outside didn't even realize how yummy real chicken is .. too used to canned cat food & kibble!

---

I think however a person wants to celebrate a holiday is the best for them!  I am sure there are many who go to semi obrigatory holiday dinners would like to trade places with you : ).  I am probably looking at my last year of work and I could very likely be snowbirding by next year.  I may not come back for the holdays... who knows.

[EveRH]

@nyadrn - Many snowbirds use Thanksgiving as their annual cut-off for going south, and leave right after spending the holiday with relatives up north.

I actually posted the question yesterday in an "elder orphan" group online, asking how people felt about getting a last-minute or left-handed invitation for Thanksgiving dinner from a casual friend, when you thought it was a "pity invitation" because that person couldn't imagine anyone being happy by themselves.

I got an invite like that yesterday, as an aside to why the person really called. I was kind of shocked by how many EO's said they'd go for the free food (unless they were kidding), and how many said they'd go anyway, to "make the hostess happy because they were so generous to offer." I know the person who invited me well enough, to know that she's sure everyone single feels bad for themselves, and that she needs an audience for her gossiping. No thanks!

[nyadrn]

---

@EveRH wrote:

@nyadrn - Many snowbirds use Thanksgiving as their annual cut-off for going south, and leave right after spending the holiday with relatives up north.

I actually posted the question yesterday in an "elder orphan" group online, asking how people felt about getting a last-minute or left-handed invitation for Thanksgiving dinner from a casual friend, when you thought it was a "pity invitation" because that person couldn't imagine anyone being happy by themselves.

I got an invite like that yesterday, as an aside to why the person really called. I was kind of shocked by how many EO's said they'd go for the free food (unless they were kidding), and how many said they'd go anyway, to "make the hostess happy because they were so generous to offer." I know the person who invited me well enough, to know that she's sure everyone single feels bad for themselves, and that she needs an audience for her gossiping. No thanks!

---

I guess I would only go if I really didn't want to stay home alone.  I went to the family dinner yesterday and it was nice.  It is always good to see all of the kids and how they have grown and catch up on what is going on with everyone that I havn't already read about on social media

[nyadrn]

So now we are only a few weeks away from Christmas.  

There have been so many stories posted about alternatives to being alone that I am sure by now most people who live alone have either made plans or decided to stay home alone.

What are the plans?

[nyadrn]

This is s topic that never gets old.  As the senior population ages, more of us are alone for holidays and events.  Some of us have been single a long time and for some, this is a new experience.  

So so what are your plans for this years holidays?   

Will you be alone by necessity of choice?

Are you making s change from prior years?