My desire for a family was strong and difficult. Between my 1st and 2nd child, I had at least 3 miscarriages.
We thought we would never be able to have another child and were considering adoption when out of the blue (during a bout of the common cold) I managed to conceive once more! We kept it a secret, expecting this one to also not become viable, expecting it to be futile to tell our friends and family that we were expecting.
At the 16-week point, during an ultrasound, they told us to return to our doctor, there was something wrong. It was urgent! We went to the doctor, who started running around the clinic like a chicken with their head chopped off. We were stunned as we waited there. Then she came in, told us she had made an urgent appointment at the hospital and I had to go NOW!
Shocked, we went as directed. They were waiting for us, operation room ready and prepped! They sat us down in a tiny windowless office with 2 doctors. They told us our baby must be aborted immediately!
If we kept the pregnancy, our baby will be born with severe deformities, why would we want to put our lives into such a predicament. This child will be a burden on our lives forever. It is best to abort, now. We asked what type of deformity. No clear responses were provided. I said, I will keep the pregnancy. Whatever happens will happen. We will love the baby no matter what.
The doctor who sat directly in front of me then slid two pieces of paper towards me (they came prepared). I asked what it was. They said: It's ok, you can keep the pregnancy, and once the baby is born, we will take it off your hands. These are the adoption papers so we can take your child at birth. I stood up, dragged my husband by the arm to stand up, and we ran out of the hospital. I never went to any checkups for the duration of the pregnancy.
We decided that I would give birth at home in the tub. It didn't happen. Hubby called the ambulance as he felt he wasn't going to manage during birthing, so 30 minutes after arriving to the hospital, my baby girl was born. The next day we went home. I refused to spend any time in the hospital, and refused to allow my baby to spend time there also. When she was born, she was perfect!
Yes, she has health issues caused by my mother taking DES while she was carrying me, but she has blossomed into a brilliant young lady. No deformities (except for her rib-cage bending inwards not giving enough space for her heart and lungs) as well as some other issues found amongst other DES exposed kids/grandkids.
Oh - we never told anyone I was pregnant. When I gave birth, only our neighbors knew about it. It was a shock to everyone, but we didn't know how else to cope. We didn't know if we would lose her during the pregnancy or after.
Our daughter is a blessing and through it all….. I made the right decision!