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helping a patient that has had a stroke

I often feel over whelmed when helping. I don't want to be rude, but some of the conversations that constantly get talked about really get on my nerves.  My life doesn't revolved around the politics all the time. But this person calls me all hours of the day when I'm not with them to bring up things like this. also when I am with them they keep on and on. makes me want to run away and hide. 

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First no I'm not paid, it seems as though most of the rest of the family have walked away, including the children of the person.  Its sad, but I feel so over whelmed at times. see I'm disabled myself. With severe back and neck injuries. I broke my neck and destroyed my back while working at my job. But this person seems to always need something done. i was placed on medicine for my nerves. i can no longer work.   I do what I can and often end up, not being able to take care of myself for sometime. but I still keep going back. 

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Walt wrote: 

First no I'm not paid, it seems as though most of the rest of the family have walked away, including the children of the person.  Its sad, but I feel so over whelmed at times. see I'm disabled myself. With severe back and neck injuries. I broke my neck and destroyed my back while working at my job. But this person seems to always need something done. i was placed on medicine for my nerves. i can no longer work.   I do what I can and often end up, not being able to take care of myself for sometime. but I still keep going back. 

 

Hi Walt!

Sounds like you have a lot going on, and you are suffering for it. I read your two posts, and it sounds like its time to set up some boundaries to protect yourself. You are a member of this family, right? Time to call a family meeting? Get the children of this person and anyone else (siblings? good friends? a minister?) together and talk about what to do for him or her.  It sounds like this person has burned some bridges, been irritating or disagreeable and other members of the family are now keeping their distance. The behavior of the person you are 'on call' to and helping has made it hard to take care of them. 

 

Who takes care of you?

 

If they call and won't stop ranting about something or other, you can always interrupt and say, 'Gee, I'm sorry you're upset about ____. I don't feel particularly well myself, i'm going to let you go. Let's talk later, goodbye.' And hang up. After you do this a couple of times, they won't rant on because they will have learned that you won't take but so much. 

 

I bet you get tired. Do you receive disability? Are you able to get to the doctor yourself? Who visits you, does errands for or with you?

 

So glad you wrote, Walt. It is hard to be disabled AND to take care of a disabled person that everyone else has abandoned. At least that's what it sounds like.

 

Tell us more, let's keep the conversation going!

Jane

Contributor

Great advise, but it seem like I'm the only one that will do very much. Its really getting to me. The only child lives about 3 hrs away and doesn't take time to come check on her. She's by herself.  She starts crying if I say anything. I just can't deal with that. I've had my church praying that this gets worked out. 

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@WaltB349299 wrote:

I often feel over whelmed when helping. I don't want to be rude, but some of the conversations that constantly get talked about really get on my nerves.  My life doesn't revolved around the politics all the time. But this person calls me all hours of the day when I'm not with them to bring up things like this. also when I am with them they keep on and on. makes me want to run away and hide. 


Hi Walt, 

Are you a paid caregiver for a patient? How long have you been doing this? What are some of your duties? Fill us in a bit more. 

 

AARPJen
Caregiving Concierge
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no I'm not paid, its family

 

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