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Re: caregiver burnout

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@JBFRANKLIN56 wrote:

Diane thank you so much for your reply. Yes it helps just to share with another person who truly understands. I am 61 and she is 58. She was ruined by a negligent doctor. She had her thyroid removed and developed complications which needed immediate attention which he ignored. She has damage to her brain due to a lack of oxygen that was all avoidable. She was in the hospital for 18 weeks for. Thyroidectomy. She has her mind still which makes her suffering that much worse. She cannot walk, her speech is impaired, and she has to have assistance with everything. You name it she requires help. The only thing she can do is feed herself. Toileting, dressing, everything she has to have another person help her. Usually me. So, I have sacrificed a lot. I lost the entire decade of my 50's. I am not sure how much longer I can endure this. It is so depressing. 

               Tim


Hi Tim, 

Diane brings up the legal stuff. I'd encourage you to find an 'eldercare attorney' to look at your finances as a couple. You are exhausted and you've had some serious health issues of your own. I'm glad to hear you have help, but that help is for when you're at work, except for one day, right? and every evening, night and weekend, you're on duty. You got a settlement, is that right, for the malpractice?  

May i suggest you hire more help?

It sounds like her family helps somewhat but not all of what you need. Perhaps you could be more intentional, more organized about who helps and when? Maybe you are already organized. But there are web sites like LotsaHelpingHands.org which you can customize, and enlarge the caregiving circle around your wife so that you can deeply rest. You could use a vacation. And a weekly massage. Some connections with friends, family, hobbies. I'm guessing here. But you do sound seriously depleted.

An attorney would help you figure out what you both can afford for her without jeopardizing eventual care needs for your self years and maybe decades from now. What the tax and property repercussions are. 

You can also look into what is possibly free in your area, like respite care, transportation options, meals on wheels... by entering your zip code into eldercare.gov. 

SO SO very glad you wrote. there are many caregivers on this forum. Share more of your story, and click around to other threads and comment if you like. A wide range of experiences here.

I wish for you rest, help, and some hope that you will survive this caregiving business.

 

Write more?

Jane

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Re: caregiver burnout

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Diane thank you so much for your reply. Yes it helps just to share with another person who truly understands. I am 61 and she is 58. She was ruined by a negligent doctor. She had her thyroid removed and developed complications which needed immediate attention which he ignored. She has damage to her brain due to a lack of oxygen that was all avoidable. She was in the hospital for 18 weeks for. Thyroidectomy. She has her mind still which makes her suffering that much worse. She cannot walk, her speech is impaired, and she has to have assistance with everything. You name it she requires help. The only thing she can do is feed herself. Toileting, dressing, everything she has to have another person help her. Usually me. So, I have sacrificed a lot. I lost the entire decade of my 50's. I am not sure how much longer I can endure this. It is so depressing. 

               Tim

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Re: caregiver burnout

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Hi, First may I ask how old you both are? Also what is your wife's disability?  Do you get chances other than work to get out? I have been my husband's caregiver and he has been mine. We have been doing this for 16 years. I get mentally exhausted caring for him. It is a lonely job. No one knows except those in it.  As far as worrying about your wife if she should out live you, you can only do so much by getting insurance and good legal plans. Hope this helps. Diane

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caregiver burnout

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My name is Tim. I have cared for my disabled spouse for over 11 years. During that time, I have had one serious heart attack and several other hospitalizations for chest pain, a total knee replacement, and my lower back is now ruined.  Her disability was caused by an indifferent doctor.  We settled a lawsuit in 2008 and I have one daytime caregiver who works daytime 5 days a week.  I decided to see it through to the end but my fear is that I will die first at the rate I am going.  I am mentally exhausted, hate to work(i work 4 days a week in addition to the caregiving) and need help somehow. Her family cannot help me as often as I need it.  I am not sure what to do. I am looking for someone who has been through a similar marathon period and has had these symptoms of mental exhaution. 

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