WATCH VIDEO: Friday's Iowa presidential candidate forum. Appearing are Beto O'Rourke, Elizabeth Warren, Marianne Williamson and Andrew Yang.

Reply
Valued Social Butterfly
0
Kudos
469
Views

Re: What do I owe my dead father's girlfriend?

469 Views
Message 11 of 12

@b746162d wrote:

She and I didn't have much of a relationship (we don't really click). 

 

She has never been like a mother to me, but we have had a friendship, even though I still don't think we click. 

 

She has no friends and family (she has family but they live far away and she's semi-estranged from them) so I'm happy to let her feel this connection, even though i don't genuinely reciprocate these feelings.

 

She has no one else. I feel for her situation, but I don't feel I deserve this awesome responsibility. I have my own family to worry about, plus an aging mother of my own and a sister who can't really function who will likely be my responsibility some day. Plus, my husband and I simply don't have extra money to support someone else.

 

Can I tell my "stepmother" that I cannot take on this role in her life? It feels like the ultimate rejection, but I just don't believe it's fair of her to ask me to be her safety net in old age.

 

What can I do?


I edited you paragraphs to keep what I thought expressed your real feelings.

 

What can you do?

 

First, discontinue calling her your "stepmother". You never did before and she is using the term to guilt you into a situation you obviously don't want to be in.

 

Through your own words, it is clear, that while friendly to this woman..... she is NOT family, you don't FEEL like she's family, and you couldn't afford the responsibility anyway.

 

Would you want to put your REAL family's financial stability in jeopardy all for someone who is basically an unrelated stranger.

 

Remain friendly toward her as you both shared a common emotional time in your lives; but, make it clear that being a friend is all that you can offer.

 

That's my opinion.

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
469
Views
Conversationalist
0
Kudos
471
Views
11
Replies

What do I owe my dead father's girlfriend?

471 Views
Message 12 of 12

My father died 6 years ago from cancer. His girlfriend of 11 years took care of him for the 5 years he was sick and dying. She and I didn't have much of a relationship (we don't really click) but when he was dying we bonded and we helped each other get through the funeral and the aftermath of his death. He made her the executor of his estate, which was a tough job and I'm very grateful to her for that as well as taking care of him when he was sick.

 

In the past 6 years we've kept up a relationship by seeing each other a few times a year. She has never been like a mother to me, but we have had a friendship, even though I still don't think we click. (She's almost 70 and I'm 43.) In the past 3 years I've gotten married and had a baby. During this time she started referring to herself as my stepmother (she never did before) and as a grandmother to my daughter. She has no friends and family (she has family but they live far away and she's semi-estranged from them) so I'm happy to let her feel this connection, even though i don't genuinely reciprocate these feelings.

 

The problem is that she's told me she's planning to make me the executor of her estate, her health care proxy, and power of attorney. I believe she expects me to take responsibility for her care as she ages (now she is healthy and still working). Her financial situation is precarious and I don't think she will be able to afford the costs associated with living in an assisted living facility or nursing home when the time comes.

 

She has no one else. I feel for her situation, but I don't feel I deserve this awesome responsibility. I have my own family to worry about, plus an aging mother of my own and a sister who can't really function who will likely be my responsibility some day. Plus, my husband and I simply don't have extra money to support someone else.

 

Can I tell my "stepmother" that I cannot take on this role in her life? It feels like the ultimate rejection, but I just don't believe it's fair of her to ask me to be her safety net in old age.

 

What can I do?

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
471
Views
11
Replies