My Mom is 91 and moved in with my husband and I 2 years ago. I resigned from my full time job at that time. Like you, we take her out to dinner and she participates in all family gathers, but she doesn't want to do anything else. I've tried to get her to go,with me, to pool exercises, chair yoga, stretching exercises and Cares, per her doctor's suggestion, no go. I've lost all my friends and my husband and I no longer have a social life. I can't leave her for more than 2 hours alone. Mom only wants me to stay with her, she's not really happy when I go out and leave her with my husband or daughters. Every caregiver I had come to meet her she doesn't like. I have a very sweet neighbor who is a certified care giver and has watched her twice, but Mom doesn't like her, but does not have a reason.
I feel your frustrations.