Re: Taking Care of Mom

JasonR125328 · ‎10-29-2019

I'm an only child that now has my mother living home with me.

She's been there for a few years now but she is slowly deteriorating in the memory and "personal hygene" areas.

I'll be 100% honest...I have no idea where to go from here.

I'm not tossing out assisted living or in home help, but I don't kwow where to start.

Where does someone find information on what her Medicare will cover, what the costs are, what the options are...so many questions but no idea where to begin.

Is there such a thing as an "Elderly Advisor"?

JaneCares · ‎11-16-2019

@JasonR125328 wrote:
I'm an only child that now has my mother living home with me.
She's been there for a few years now but she is slowly deteriorating in the memory and "personal hygene" areas.

I'll be 100% honest...I have no idea where to go from here.
I'm not tossing out assisted living or in home help, but I don't kwow where to start.

Where does someone find information on what her Medicare will cover, what the costs are, what the options are...so many questions but no idea where to begin.

Is there such a thing as an "Elderly Advisor"?

Hi there. Yes there is. Depends on where you live. But there's an organization that has 'geriatric care managers' in a list based on location. Www.caremanager.org. I used to work for one in DC. We offered an option: a thorough assessment of the situation, the care-recipient's needs and those of the caregivers, and then lists of resources and recommendations, all for a flat fee. If you tell the person you're working with what you can afford, they will work within that.

For free, a place to start is www.eldercare.gov. Type in your zip code and then call up the area agency on aging that serves your area. If i were you, i'd go in person and ask to speak with one of their seasoned social workers. Ask all the questions you can think of. Get a list of paid caregivers and/or agencies, and try out the idea of getting someone in the home for one day a week to give you a break and give her a thorough bath.

Medicare covers only skilled home nursing following an acute care (hospital) stay. It isn't designed to pay for long term care, chronic care, caregiving. But there are state and county programs some of which are free or subsidized. Best way to discover what they are is at your local Area Agency on Aging.

Best of luck to you. BTW, Facebook has a really active AARP Family Caregivers discussion and you'd get more support and advice there.

Jane

j305723v · ‎11-05-2019

I feel for you and your situation! I am a caregiver myself. I highly recommend A Place for Mom. They were very helpful to me when I had to make the tough decision to move my mom into Independent Living a few years ago. Independent Living meant she still had her own apartment - minus an oven/stove, but also had pull cords and staff there to check on her daily. She had been taking falls and one time, nearly had to call 911 for help as I was no where nearby to help. (I might add that we do not have family nearby so it is squarely on me to provide help and support) The counselor from APFM was extremely helpful in sorting through the monthly costs, options, and even scheduled appointments for me to visit various places.

I also learned about the VA Benefit my mom could apply for to help with payment of her ongoing care, with a doctors letter. I ended up hiring an ElderCare attorney to process the paperwork for the VA, as if you mess it up, it can be a long and sometimes impossible process to get approval. We did get approved, and while I had to pay up front the first six months, we were reimbursed a lump sum and monthly payments since. The cost was around $450 for the attorney, but well worth it.

Last March, we reached a point where I had to move my mom into her current residence's Assisted Living wing. She needs more daily care now than ever and recently started having the nurses administer her medications. This has been a difficult adjustment. At times my moms states that it feels like a "communist society"! While I have to admit, she is right, it cannot really be helped. She still tends to refuse help and is extremely particular about who is allowed to do what, but this is where we are now.

This is a difficult road we are all on as caregivers, but when you simply cannot continue to do everything yourself and need help, it is a choice that has to be made. I visit my mom nearly daily to bring groceries (we can jam pack an apartment sized fridge!), to do her laundry and spend time with her. I wash her hair, clean her space, and try to make her feel comfortable. I am doing the very best I can in what is an extremely difficult situation. That is all anyone can do. And take one day at a time.

terrik312310 · ‎10-29-2019

I am a fulltime caregiver myself I hope this information helps i recently applied for a grant called Hilarity for Charity.org at the bottom of the page you will see a title that says care relief and in home care grants i waiting to here back from them and medicare does not cover long term care and custodial care Good luck and also whatever state your are in the county has a senior services that will help you and guide you i wish you the best.!