Sibling Rivalries with Caregiving

[AARPMichaelP]

Handling family caregiving is already a tall task in and of itself and can be even more daunting depending on your sibling relationships, situations and logistics that come with it. Not to mention jugging the various concerns of the current pandemic.

Anyone in need of some input or advice on how to navigate their own situations? How has COVID-19 changed the way you and your siblings are caring for your mom, dad, etc...

Maybe you aren't even asking for advice and just need to vent. That's okay, we understand...have at it!

[WebWiseWoman]

Hi @AARPMichaelP ! Good topic, as at these times of trouble thinking of my own end of time...

I left our home town with my my own family over 40 years ago. Our Mom apologized to me 20 years ago for not being the mom to me she was to younger Sis (not spending enough time with my girls and I, not being there during divorce). I was okay with that because since younger Sis was born when I was 12, that's the way it was; it just took mom longer to realize it.

That was the last real conversation we had. I tried to have an adult relationship with mom; even went to AARP NOLA with her as my guest; sadly, nothing left for us.

For caregiving, I don't believe she'll need much, nor for long. But I think since she dedicated her most recent 20 years to being my sister's assistant, sister's daughter's babysitter, and best friend, my sister should bear the responsibility if our mother ever needs care. I recommended sis take over cell service 15 years ago when mom became primary child care provider; she did not. She will probably not attend to mom's care if ever needed; I cannot as I can barely care for myself monetarily. Sis is remarried and comfortable (again); either she finally recognizes responsibility or mom experiences homelessness as I did, then lost...

Sadly, knowing and loving my sis, I know she will not sacrifice anything for anyone, including our mother...

#StaySafe

[AARPMichaelP]

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@WebWiseWoman wrote:

Hi @AARPMichaelP ! Good topic, as at these times of trouble thinking of my own end of time...

I left our home town with my my own family over 40 years ago. Our Mom apologized to me 20 years ago for not being the mom to me she was to younger Sis (not spending enough time with my girls and I, not being there during divorce). I was okay with that because since younger Sis was born when I was 12, that's the way it was; it just took mom longer to realize it.

That was the last real conversation we had. I tried to have an adult relationship with mom; even went to AARP NOLA with her as my guest; sadly, nothing left for us.

For caregiving, I don't believe she'll need much, nor for long. But I think since she dedicated her most recent 20 years to being my sister's assistant, sister's daughter's babysitter, and best friend, my sister should bear the responsibility if our mother ever needs care. I recommended sis take over cell service 15 years ago when mom became primary child care provider; she did not. She will probably not attend to mom's care if ever needed; I cannot as I can barely care for myself monetarily. Sis is remarried and comfortable (again); either she finally recognizes responsibility or mom experiences homelessness as I did, then lost...

Sadly, knowing and loving my sis, I know she will not sacrifice anything for anyone, including our mother...

#StaySafe

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I think it's a topic that a lot of people can relate to! It's something that me and my four sisters will have to deal with and already have had some of these types of discussions. 

I hope things turn out well between you and your younger sister regarding this process. No easy answer on how to perfectly navigate.It's delicate and every situation is different.