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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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Yes, My name is Ottis. I'm retired and taking care of my totally disable wife. It's extremely challenging.
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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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Husband made this statement today if the liver doctor would prescribe me a night time pain medication then I would stop drinking which us worse on my liver a pain pill at bedtime or alcohol all day.

GEH
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Re: Is anyone tacking care of a spouse?

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I do not know how I keep my self in good spirits I guess my dogs faith hope determination.

GEH
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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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When he was taking it regularly I noted his memory was improved and his thinking a little better when he was sober 3 months things were really good I could actually have a conversation with him about money and the household. I feel biggest problem is his drinking exhasperates his untreated mental health condition.  He does not want to take his liver and potassium meds because the make him sick No combining his meds with alcohol is what is making him sick. I wish I could find a way to organize an intervention.

GEH
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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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That is the problem husband WILL NOT let me take control of the bills or household, This is why I am considering going to court for conservatorship or for a conservertor to be assigned then I can start to set boundaries for no acceptable behavior, stop being a forced enabker, a list of house hold chores with an amount do those chores you earn money. Basically he behaves like a child he gets treated like one he behaves like a man he gets treated like one.

GEH
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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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Message 66 of 282

Glad you wrote! Glad your dog is such a comfort! And, good for you for taking over the bills. I was a care manager for an old coot who gave away hundreds of dollars a month to horses, right wing politicians, and other non essentials!

 

How do you keep yourself in good spirits?

 

Jane

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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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@geh66 wrote:

It is hard because it is not that he can't take care of him self it is that he won't and he has been as difficult as all get go last 2 days question us is it his mental health disirder, amoinia in his bilbrum going to his head or both how the hell am I supposed to figure it out.


Hey GEH,

 

If you slip him some lactulose, does it clear his head?

 

Sounds like the two of you are in a difficult conflicted set of struggles. In one sense, it doesn't matter if its his bipolar, his bilirubin, his ammonia levels. A big part of the struggle of taking care of a person like your husband is that there is a MIX of what is his willful non-cooperation, and what is his illness.  This is key. what is his choice to be a pain in the tuckus, and what behavior is beyond his control?  You can't blame him for what is beyond his control, and yet you can hold him accountable for the part that is his choice. Even if only 5% of his behavior is under his control, you can appeal to that.

 

Have you tried to "control" (or shape) his behavior with rewards and punishments, like you would a puppy or a toddler? Like, he throws a tantrum; you go take a walk with your dog and leave him to stew. He is considerate to you and takes his meds? Reward him (whatever works. Candy. A kiss. A shoulder rub.) 

 

Easier said than done. This is why i wish there was an Alanon meeting near you.

 

I am glad you have your dogs to comfort you.

 

Jane

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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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I am representative payee to his social security benefits and want to take total control of the bill paying process not to control him undermine or diminish him in any way but to take stress off him but he WILL NOT let go at all in any way shape I am feeling the time has come to go for conservatorship 

GEH
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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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Ling-Ling my Shar-pei is the Sunshine in my day. Without her I would not have any happiness. 

 

 

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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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I am with you on this. I am 16 yrs younger. Everything I do is wrong. I have taken over bills and stopped the mail because he obsessed over politics and charities. Spending money on charities, donating to veterans, Animal sites, Erection Meds. He is in denial about his illness and blames everything on me. Even the stuff he orders on line. I sent back about 5 auto ship products last week. I still have to work. Haven't turned 60 yet. Friends don't want to be around us. I feel embarrassed and alone. 

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