Looking for a part-time job? AARP's online career fair Jan. 24 can help! Register for free.

 

Reply
Regular Social Butterfly
0
Kudos
3427
Views

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

3,427 Views
Message 51 of 282

@geh66 wrote:

It is most frustrating when the individual who is in self destruct mode wants to take their care giver down with them and the legal system makes it so time consuming and difficult.


Which is why you have a choice to detach from his self-destruction, standing by, but letting the natural course of things, as HE chooses the courses, moves relentlessly forward. 

 

Detachment. While still loving him. Very hard. Also necessary for your own sanity.

 

Jane

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
3427
Views
Silver Conversationalist
0
Kudos
3359
Views

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

3,359 Views
Message 52 of 282

It. Is most frustrating when the individual who is in self destruct mode wants to take their care giver down with them and the legal system makes it so time consuming and difficult.

GEH
Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
3359
Views
Regular Social Butterfly
0
Kudos
3344
Views

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

3,344 Views
Message 53 of 282

So frustrating when the person you are caring for does stuff like telling you to cancel a doctor's appointment. The human's ability to self destruct knows no bounds.

 

I'm sorry.

 

Jane

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
3344
Views
Silver Conversationalist
0
Kudos
3354
Views

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

3,354 Views
Message 54 of 282

Have been over it and over it with liver Dr who says get youself a primary care physician and tell him. I found a primary care physician made an appointment husband had me cancel it just like he had me cancell his MRI appoinment today.

GEH
Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
3354
Views
Silver Conversationalist
0
Kudos
3342
Views

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

3,342 Views
Message 55 of 282

Have been over it and over it with liver Dr who says get youself a primary care physician and tell him. I found a primary care physician made an appointment husband had me cancel it just like he canceled his MRI appt today.

GEH
Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
3342
Views
Regular Social Butterfly
0
Kudos
3077
Views

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

3,077 Views
Message 56 of 282

@c611836h wrote:

I also am taking care of  my  spouse. Yes it is very challenging. My wife suffered 2 strokes that left her right side paralyzed and  very disrupted speech.  After over 96  days in rehab and  now she is home  (still getting therapy in house). I am now  unable to work  because of it.   trying  to balance out her meals, administering  medications, helping with  her therapy,   bathing, dressing and  going to the bathroom, it can get very overwhelming  at times. But i hold on to the love  that i have for her  and  just keep doing  what I do for her.  I wont  complain because i know that GOD spared her and  this is a nother test in life for the both of us. I believe that she  will  be able to walk again  it  will just take some time. As for me i am just trying  to find  ways to keep the income  going  seeing that i was self employed our  income has come to a stop.  A  friend of mine  told me to go to this web site called Go Fund Me  and  set up donation fund  to help  support our situation. So I have tried it  and  so far it seems to be  working out .. but  over all  yes  there are days that i get  very  tired  and  no I really  dont have  any  help. Our  children live  very far away  and  have their own families to deal with. So I  dig deep and  encourage myself and remind my self why I love this woman so much  and  then it makes it  all  worth  while 


Hi there, wonderful husband,

 

You certainly take your vows seriously. Now that she's home, you realize that it's MORE than a full time job but there are no breaks. You love her and it shows. You dig deep and you do it one more day. One day at a time. 

 

GoFundMe is a wonderful source of help. I'm glad you're gathering some contributions.

 

She may well walk again. I'm guessing though that she won't be 100%. I hope I'm wrong. Right now, it sounds like a lot of pressure on you, a lot of work. When you can see a little bit further down the road, there are steps you can take to protect both of you, financially. And protect YOUR health since you may be pushing really hard but at some point you may poop out. Even temporarily. And you don't want to get sick.

 

There are a couple of steps you can take and neither are free but the people you'd consult could look at your assets, your income, and the medical future when it becomes a little bit clearer (perhaps in another 6 months or so). Either an eldercare lawyer or a geriatric care manager can assist you both in looking at what you have and what you need to continue her care and protect your health as well. 

 

Your wife is one lucky woman. And you are a lucky man, since based on your devotion, i'm assuming you have a fulfilling marriage. What a blessing.

 

How do you cope with the biggest challenges? How do you dig deep?  A number of folks talk about their dogs being great sympathetic buddies. What works for you?

 

Jane

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
3077
Views
Info Seeker
0
Kudos
3070
Views

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

3,070 Views
Message 57 of 282

I also am taking care of  my  spouse. Yes it is very challenging. My wife suffered 2 strokes that left her right side paralyzed and  very disrupted speech.  After over 96  days in rehab and  now she is home  (still getting therapy in house). I am now  unable to work  because of it.   trying  to balance out her meals, administering  medications, helping with  her therapy,   bathing, dressing and  going to the bathroom, it can get very overwhelming  at times. But i hold on to the love  that i have for her  and  just keep doing  what I do for her.  I wont  complain because i know that GOD spared her and  this is a nother test in life for the both of us. I believe that she  will  be able to walk again  it  will just take some time. As for me i am just trying  to find  ways to keep the income  going  seeing that i was self employed our  income has come to a stop.  A  friend of mine  told me to go to this web site called Go Fund Me  and  set up donation fund  to help  support our situation. So I have tried it  and  so far it seems to be  working out .. but  over all  yes  there are days that i get  very  tired  and  no I really  dont have  any  help. Our  children live  very far away  and  have their own families to deal with. So I  dig deep and  encourage myself and remind my self why I love this woman so much  and  then it makes it  all  worh  while 

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
3070
Views
Regular Social Butterfly
0
Kudos
3129
Views

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

3,129 Views
Message 58 of 282

@o473291h wrote:
Yes, My name is Ottis. I'm retired and taking care of my totally disable wife. It's extremely challenging.

Welcome, Ottis!  

 

How are you coping with the challenges? Does anyone help you? Do you have hired help to give you a break? Is she cooperative with you, and with her medication or therapies?

 

There's a lot of wisdom in this caregiving community. What tips can you offer? And what questions do you have?

 

Jane

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
3129
Views
Regular Social Butterfly
0
Kudos
3107
Views

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

3,107 Views
Message 59 of 282

@geh66 wrote:

Husband made this statement today if the liver doctor would prescribe me a night time pain medication then I would stop drinking which us worse on my liver a pain pill at bedtime or alcohol all day.


One way to possibly 'intervene' is to enlist the help of his doctor. Pain is often undertreated in addicts and alcoholics who are still using, and the alcoholic has a legitimate beef. They want to self-medicate with alcohol because they can't sleep. is there a way you can drop by the doctor's office and leave a note with the nurse, a few days before an appointment? you could tell the doctor that your husband has pain, is actively drinking, is non compliant, and can the doctor please address these issues. 

 

sometimes patients listen to doctors...

 

jane

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
3107
Views
Silver Conversationalist
0
Kudos
3093
Views

Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

3,093 Views
Message 60 of 282

YEas it is especially when the spouse dos not want to do their part to take care of themselves and then wants to turn it on you.

GEH
Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
3093
Views