I read both of your posts and i think, wow, once again, spouses taking 'in sickness and in health' to heart and living by it. I'm also thinking, it takes a village...
I'm worrying about how to reduce the burden and your isolation, before your own health suffers.
If you type in your zip code into www.eldercare.gov, you'll find an Agency on Aging in your community. Go make an appointment to learn what services are free, or which ones have fees, that could help. Are Adult Day programs available? Even one day a week would help. Is there paratransit or an elder transport option?
How about hiring a professional caregiver? Just once a week for 4 hours could give you respite to get out of the house alone. It may cost 20 dollars an hour, but 80 dollars (for 4 hours) is cheaper than psychotherapy!
Do you know about the Well Spouse Foundation? They offer in person as well as online support groups. As you say, no one quite understands unless they are in the same boat. They're listed by state: http://www.wellspouse.org/united-states/
Do you belong to worship communities? Has anyone asked you, let me know if i can help? Take them up on it! Be specific. "can you by any chance mow our lawn every couple of weeks?" "Could you sit with my husband (or wife) and watch tv while i go to the store?"
You don't have to do EVERYTHING yourself. It does take creativity and gumption to ask for help. Do you have a close friend who can help you ask? This saves on awkwardness.
Is there a "village" in your area? Here's an explanation of what they are, which is basically a volunteer staffed group that helps 'members' who are neighbors help those who need help to stay in their homes: http://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/ppi/liv-com/fs177-village.pdf
Anyway, that's a lot. I'm working as a geriatric care manager, and in my job, i try to create a 'village' around people who are in need of help. Some forms of help cost money but not all. Your own health may suffer if you get no relief.
What do YOU do to get a break?
Please tell us how you cope, and share your wisdom. So glad you posted.