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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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Message 81 of 286

The liver doctor believed there is still health and life left in his liver if he would stay of Alcohol there is no telling how many years he would have but he will not stop drinking so I fear he will be gone by christmas. I fear he is in denial off his condition and addiction and had fallen into a depression and is giving up. I do not know how to reach him. 

GEH
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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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Message 82 of 286

@geh66 wrote:

No he keeps saying HE won't be around much longer, his ex wife died in April 2016 of a ruptured hernia I am his 3rd wife


Oh i see. I hope he does get better and feels better. What does his doctor say?

 

He is so lucky to have you in his life.

 

Those dogs sounds like precious friends.

 

Jane

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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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Message 83 of 286

My dogs are wonderful my Nicknames for them are Mr hugs and Mr kiddies. The one thought that I hold on to that keeps me going is My husband is not a bad man that needs to get better he is a very sick man who needs to get well.

 

 

 

 

 

GEH
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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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Message 84 of 286

Thank You for your words if support.

GEH
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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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Message 85 of 286

No he keeps saying HE won't be around much longer, his ex wife died in April 2016 of a ruptured hernia I am his 3rd wife

GEH
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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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Message 86 of 286

Hey GEH,

I'm so glad you have your wonderful dogs to comfort you. You do have your hands full otherwise. Your parents have their own struggles, his sons are young men with lots going on and a thousand miles away. You have the NAMI app, thank goodness for that. 

 

You mentioned that your husband gets depressed and says that you won't be around for much longer? is that right? You are not his first wife, i take it. I can see how he might have a history of driving people 'crazy, and away.'  I have a friend who's second husband was like that. He is currently being cared for by his 2 children, each of whom have jobs and families. His 9th wife is divorcing him so that she can avoid being brought down, financially and otherwise, by his decline. He's much older, in his 80s, and a hot mess. But with a long history of bipolar alcoholic mental illness. Enough charm to attract 9 different women to be married to him. But now that he's falling apart, it's his 2 blood kin who are taking him on. Fortunately he's a veteran and is eligible for a bunch of help. This includes placement in a facility, which is the next step unfortunately. He flushes his drugs down the toilet... sigh. His own worse enemy.

 

I hope you have friends, even just one, who can listen to you and not pass judgment, but just be a loving presence and a pleasant distraction from your daily battle. 

 

After you cry (and crying is a great catharctic activity in my own life), what helps you keep going?

 

Jane

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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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Message 87 of 286
Another Poem
I shed Tears
Tears of Anguish
Tears of Anger
Tears of Despair
Tears of Frustration
Tears of Outrage
Tears of Pain
Tears of Sadness
GEH
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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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Message 88 of 286
My husband will NEVER willingly give me conservertorship I WILL have to go to get a lawyer and go to court to do it, That is one of or part of his mental health issues CONTROL, I chalk it up to the possibility he is feeling a sense of control of his life due to his mental health and subsequent addiction/Substance abuse issues. I am biding my time because I am feeling it is only a matter of time he ends up in hospital again and that is when I will act so that I can keep him in the hospital last time he was in hospital he left against doctors wishes.
GEH
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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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Message 89 of 286

My Husband has 2 sons in Washington State but they are in their early twenties and are just not able to be of help they are young and immature they younger one has 3 daughters the oldest of which is 3 and is struggling to cope with parent hood, my parents do not know that I am married to this man but are aware I am trying to help care for him and my mother is facing her own issues with my father who is in his eighties and showing signs of some kind of mental issue he forgets things misplaces things and swings from amgry to happy in a new york second she has her own health issue and is recovering from a broken hip so I choose not to burden her with my issues. I have searched and searched for some form of support group and there are none, I did find NAMI AIR and have the app on my cell phone so I can go there to talk sometimes when husband is sleeping good I go sit outside with my dogs Big Red (Mr Hugs) and Shorty (Mr Kissy) and just cry big red will get on his hind legs wrap his doggie arms around my neck pull my head into his chest and give me a bug huge bear hug, to which he ussually does not want to let go, then Shorty takes a turn giving me lots of wet doggie kisses so much doggie love Iam a luck lady and I tell them that and most times it helps. 

GEH
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Re: Is anyone taking care of a spouse?

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Message 90 of 286

I recently came upon this article in the Washington Post: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2016/08/30/i-was-my-husbands-caregiver-as-he-wa...

 

Basically, this wife really poured heart and soul, and 7 years, into caring for her husband, first by heroically searching for a cure for his cancer, and then by caring for him as he declined and passed away. She found the clarity of purpose and nobleness of effort that I've heard other caregivers speak of.

 

I'm wondering how caring for someone with, say, dementia, is different. There are more years involved. The hope for improvement, (let alone cure) is elusive. The family dynamics are difficult: is there anyone else helping? Are there relatives who are not helping but nevertheless critical?

 

I wonder if anyone out here in aarp caregiving land feels the way this woman does and did? My hat's off to her. I do feel she is unusual, though.

 

Thoughts?

 

Jane

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