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Re: Power of attorney , legal forms for aging parents

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@nc3152   We are going to cover this topic in with an expert in March - stayed tuned and you can ask questions directly to our expert here in the forums!

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Re: Power of attorney , legal forms for aging parents

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@SylviaP116955 wrote:

More power to you trying to get your parents to relinquish the last few controls that they have. 


That is why it is important to have this type of conversation early and then prepare way before it is actually needed.  When the time comes, the person appointed to take control over finances and/or health care wishes can easily step in and know what the incapacitated person needs done and their wishes for health care.

 

These thing when planned early - POA, Healthcare Directive and a Will - gives the person the MOST control - if they do not have these, that is when others (family, providers, even the government) take control without knowing the person's wishes.

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Re: Power of attorney , legal forms for aging parents

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@nc3152 Great! As @retiredtraveler mentioned, it's really best if you can find an attorney who specializes in elderlaw, estate planning etc. And finding a Spanish speaking attorney is high priority if it will make your parents feel more comfortable having these discussions! 

 

One way to find a lawyer is to use the American Bar Association's Find a Lawyer search tool. You'll see at the top of the page a place where you can search for free legal help. Or scroll down and you'll find a place to Hire a Lawyer - and then you can click on Bar Directories and Lawyer Finders. From there you can click on your state, and that will lead you to search tools where you can put in your city, or an practice area (elderlaw, estate and trusts etc.). Some states have advanced search options where you can specify preferred language also. 

 

One more thought - sometimes it's easier for people to "hear" the message about the need to plan for future, make a change, make a move, stop driving etc etc. from someone who is not a family member. You know your parents - so you probably have an idea as to whether or not that would work better. But I can tell you that many people wind up finding an objective 3rd party to join a conversation. It might be a lawyer (talking about the need to plan ahead and create the basic documents), a doctor (health issues and advance directives), faith community leader (myriad issues depending on the needs) or a case manager or care manager (sometimes called a geriatric care manager). Here are a few ways you can find a care manager or a case manager:

Hope your discussions go well! 

 

Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Author, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving and

Color Your Way Content When Caring for Loved Ones

 

 

 

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Re: Power of attorney , legal forms for aging parents

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I live in New York.  I’ll see if my attorney general has these forms on line.  

 

Yes I have discussed this with my father who has metastatic lung cancer.  He has not done anything hence why I am trying to get assistance on how to convince him to take care of things.   His sister just died of lung cancer. Maybe this will open his eyes.  Having talk with him one more time and finding some attorneys for him. 

 

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Re: Power of attorney , legal forms for aging parents

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Thank you so much for this information. Tomorrow I am going to approach my parents about this.   Hope it goes well. 

Not sure if my parents will want to go to an attorney or just fill out forms themselves.   I’ll see how it goes tomorrow. In the meantime I’m looking for attorneys and ones that speak Spanish for them might be a better choice since my parents feel better speaking in Spanish.   Thank you again for this information 

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Re: Power of attorney , legal forms for aging parents

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@nc3152 I'm so sorry to hear of your parents declining health and the challenges of caregiving you are facing. Having legal affairs in order is crucial, as you know. It might be helpful to talk with your parents about putting powers of attorney and other advance directives in place so that "in the future" if it's needed things will already be in order and they - and you - won't have the stress and challenge of dealing with it in a crisis situation. Talking about things in the 'far off future' is less scary and intimidating, even if you think they will be needed sooner rather than later.

 

It can also be helpful to emphasize that you want to be sure that you carry out their wishes - it's really a way for them to remain in control even if they are ill and unable to manage or make decisions. 

 

A few helpful resources:

  • Click HERE for AARP's free advance directives forms for every state.
  • 5 Wishes is resource which provides an approach to discussing and documenting your care and comfort choices, connecting families, communicating with healthcare providers,
  •  My AARP video about Difficult Family Conversations helps you plan and carry on the conversations with your parents about this and other challenging conversations.
  • There are more helpful resources at the AARP Family Caregiving Site

I hope you find these resources helpful! Please let us know how you are doing, and if you have any more questions - happy to help! I've been through this with my family members as well - I know how hard it is to deal with these practical matters along with juggling the emotional rollercoaster accompanying your parents through their later years. Take good care of yourself too!

 

Take care, 

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Author, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving and

Color Your Way Content When Caring for Loved Ones

 

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Re: Power of attorney , legal forms for aging parents

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More power to you trying to get your parents to relinquish the last few controls that they have. 

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Re: Power of attorney , legal forms for aging parents

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Definitely get a lawyer who specializes in elder law.  There is an organization "National Elder Law Foundation" that can give you some basic info. Take a look at their website.

 

You need to do more than simply get a power of attorney for finances. You need to also have health power of attorney, and be sure your parent's will and estate is in order. A good attorney will give you the complete advice you need to be sure you have everything in hand.

 

DW' and I are those people who normally handle everything, such as finances, on our own. But we went to a lawyer who set up recovable trusts, poa, health poa, etc. We didn't know how many details were needed to fully cover us for the future.  


"...Why is everyone a victim? Take personal responsibility for your life..."
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Re: Power of attorney , legal forms for aging parents

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Hi, I don’t know where you are, but the state of Maryland has these forms on its Attorney General website.  Or obviously a lawyer can help you. As for convincing your parents? Have you discussed it with them at all? 

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Power of attorney , legal forms for aging parents

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Message 10 of 10

Hi. 

 

I need help.  My father is 81 years old and has lung cancer . His cancer is getting advanced now. My mother is 81 and is mostly home bound as well.  

They don’t want assistance from outsiders other than is their children. It’s very difficult .  I’m worried about them.  Also their finances.  How do I get them to agree to signing a power of attorney ?  Where can I get these forms ?    I think they need to do this before they cannot make decisions 

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