Phone Assistance - 800 number for parents?

[m623304g]

Hello, my dad is not yet ready to allow me to hire a care giver. His short term memory is failing and he easily gets confused. He has asked me to see if there was someone he could "call" if he wanted to ask questions to or if he became confused someone he could talk to. Is there anything like this out there? We live in California. Thank you for any direction, I appreicate it. 

[AnnaPlummer]

This is in addition to my first reply - I read that you wrote, in reply to another person, that your Mother is there, too. Another way to talk him into a caregiver, is to let him know that it would help out your Mom, too, so she would not have to worry as much about him when she goes shopping, etc., and it would also help you, in the same way.
Good Luck!

[AnnaPlummer]

Your Father saying that he would like to call someone if he gets confused proves that he needs a caregiver. That thinking does not make sense, he is either in denial, or not thinking like he would have when he was younger, poor guy!
About him refusing to allow you to hire a caregiver :
If you haven't already, ask him some questions, or talk to him with open -ended statements about WHY he is not ready for a caregiver. He might not be expressing his fears and feelings about it, that you could ease. Also, if you think he really needs a caregiver, tell you Father that since he is starting to be forgetful, etc., that you and he need to start planning for his future, and that includes caregivers. Let him know that it would be easier for him to get a caregiver now, so he can get to know that person well, before his health gets worse. Offer to start with just a part time person, and make sure to have him highly involved with the decision making of certain aspects of it. Let him know that it is better for him to make caregiving decisions now, before he gets to the point where he is not able to make these decisions. Tell him it would be easier on you, if he made decisions now rather than later, and that you will compromise with him. And, if you think he is thinking that hiring a caregiver is giving up his independence, tell him that he needs to hire one now rather than later so he can educate them on how he likes his household run, so he won't have to worry about it later when he is worse off, so he can teach them his likes & dislikes, and so he will have a trusted person to call on when he needs help.

I have seen this happen so many times, where older folks wait too long to plan. Good luck to you and you Dad!

[GailL1]

Also note that if his questions are about Medicare or Social Security and he wants someone to make the call for him, both agencies have to have permission in his file to talk to a SPECIFIED person other than himself.  Both of these agencies have sensitive info and so not just anybody can speak for them.

The same should be true at his doctors office or any medical provider - 

people need to think ahead on matters such as this.

Think it might be time to sit down and have a heart to heart with both of them to make life matters, theirs and yours, a whole lot easier now and in the future.  Planning makes a great difference.

[GailL1]

---

@m623304g wrote:

Hello, my dad is not yet ready to allow me to hire a care giver. His short term memory is failing and he easily gets confused. He has asked me to see if there was someone he could "call" if he wanted to ask questions to or if he became confused someone he could talk to. Is there anything like this out there? We live in California. Thank you for any direction, I appreicate it. 

---

I think your Dad might need a friend who can handle things for him, visit and check on him once in a while.  You aren't giving much info on his overall condition but memory loss and confusion is not something you want to mess around with - what does his doctor say about this and his overall condition.

If he was living in a senior independent living facility, if he is not ready for an assisted living facility, they would have staff to do the things which you say he has mentioned.

If he is living alone, it gets a little harder to find people to do wellness checks and answer questions over the phone - at least not at just one phone number.

There are paid personal care givers that can help with daily living things but as for questions, depending upon what they are, might involve speaking with a professional or the related service area.

It might help a bit more if you gave more details as to what is his general circumstances, health conditon, your proximity to him and more details as to what you are looking for ( questions - what kind ?).

Guess you could try to look at this website to see if there is something which you think will work for him.  Eldercare.gov - Eldercare Locator

[m623304g]

Hi Gail - thank you for responding. He lives with my mom. She is 86 and he is 88. His overall health is good. The doctor says this is common with someone his age. For example, he tried to close the vertical blinds with the tv remote this weekend. We are going with her medical opinion and viewing this as the norm. However, when he does get confused and I am at work ( I only live 1 mile from them ), he wants to be able to call someone and not bother me at work. I just don't know of any service that is available for "phone calls". I may just try to get a group together (friends and family) who can help with this. Thank you for the link on elder care. This does make me think however to possibly start a group that provides this type of service. Volunteer of course. All best, Mary

[JaneCares]

I searched for "california elder care hotline" and found a bunch of stuff but nothing like what your father wants.  When i searched for California Counseling Hotline i found more stuff but mostly based by county.

What if you asked one of his relatives to BE that voice on the other end of the phone. Someone retired would be ideal. Be kind of 'on call' for your dad. If your dad could call "Aunt Edna" or "Henry" when he's feeling confused, a familiar voice might be just the thing. Someone who knows him would be better than a hotline staffer or volunteer. Just a thought.

My dad used to call me and my sister and his second wife on rotation while he was in a nursing home for 7 years. We just took his calls, and sometimes they were very short. But he had speed dial and knew he could at the very least hear our familiar voices on the answering message.

Gail's advice is right on, too. 

When he does finally agree to an aide, he'll love her. Most of my clients when i was a care manager fought tooth and nail to keep them out. And then promptly adored the woman who came. Sometimes it took trying out one or two aides. But then, 'why didn't we do this before??" 

What do you think?

Jane