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Regular Social Butterfly

Re: Newbie Here! Longdistance caregiving is tough!

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WendySueGilbert wrote:

Greeetings!

 

I live hundreds of miles from my aging parents -- 82 and 80.  The last few weeks have been really difficult.  Dad's been in the hospital and mother has become increasingly hostile to changes. And big changes are coming.

When the hospital asked Dad to choose a continuous care facility for his next stint of PT and OT, mom went beserk. She refused to do any research and believes that if she doesn't choose one, they simply won't put him in one. 

My poor brother (lives about 3 hours away) has been doing the best he can, but the acceleration of their neediness is really difficult..

I am going to be mining these forums for a lot of help!!


Hey Wendy, indeed welcome.

You've received some awesome advice already. There is so much wisdom here, and we'll be grateful for any you share with us, too, as all of us become experts at some point or other, and the hard way if you're anything like me.

 

I have a lot of questions for you, but first in a big picture kinda way, just know that the more money your folks have, the more options there are. At the same time, Medicaid can be really useful, if they are eligible. Try not to spend your money or your brother's since you'll need your own money for your own elder years. 

 

So, is your mother or father dealing with dementia? Change is hard. Your dad, unless he is demented or /and let's your mother make all the decisions, will make the decision to go to a facility for rehab, or not. For some things like a stroke, intense inpatient rehab is ideal. For milder issues and to regain ground lost (deconditioning) while in hospital, either facility rehab at a subacute level or home PT, OT and RN care would do.

 

Have they named anyone to have power of attorney for health care, or financial power of attorney? Not totally necessary but way helpful if so. 

 

Do your folks want to stay home at all costs, or have they been thinking about going into a community for elders which provides all kinds of care? They would need to liquidate their assets to buy into such a place.

 

Is he or she a Veteran? There are services available for caregivers and veterans through the VA. Your mom, you AND your brother are all caregivers. Your dad might be one, too, for your mom, depending.

 

Have you or your brother talked to the area agency on aging that serves your folks' town or county? www.eldercare.gov and put in their zipcode. you can call, or better yet, make an appointment to meet with a social worker. Free, taxpayer funded. 

 

I hope i haven't overwhelmed you yet. Tell us more? And best of luck!

 

Jane

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Conversationalist

Re: Newbie Here! Longdistance caregiving is tough!

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Welcome @WendySueGilbert 

This is truly one of the most stressful experiences for any family. I encourage you to take advantage of the resources here. Also, to reach out to your brother as much as possible. I was the close-by daughter with siblings across the country and their help and support meant everything. Too often resentments can build and fracture relationships. Even doing online research about aftercare facilities or offering to be the phone contact for the hospital social workers who will be making the arrangements for the facility if your mom does not take control.

One thing I caution against is making "helpful" suggestions as to things your brother can do. Especially if they are things you can do via the telephone or internet. 

Best of luck to you!

Margaret

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Jen
Frequent Social Butterfly

Re: Newbie Here! Longdistance caregiving is tough!

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WendySueGilbert wrote:

Greeetings!

 

I live hundreds of miles from my aging parents -- 82 and 80.  The last few weeks have been really difficult.  Dad's been in the hospital and mother has become increasingly hostile to changes. And big changes are coming.

When the hospital asked Dad to choose a continuous care facility for his next stint of PT and OT, mom went beserk. She refused to do any research and believes that if she doesn't choose one, they simply won't put him in one. 

My poor brother (lives about 3 hours away) has been doing the best he can, but the acceleration of their neediness is really difficult..

I am going to be mining these forums for a lot of help!!


Wendy,

Hi and welcome. I am so sorry to hear about the issues faced by your parents. We understand that caring from a distance can be difficult, which is why we developed a care guide for long distance family caregivers. You can download the free guide HERE. 

Please come back and keep us posted on your status. 

Jen

AARPJen
Caregiving Concierge
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Treasured Social Butterfly

Re: Newbie Here! Longdistance caregiving is tough!

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@WendySueGilbert Hello and welcome!

 

Hoboy, that does sound like a lot.  The good news is that you've come to the right place. Start mining the caregiving forum: http://community.aarp.org/t5/Caregiving/ct-p/Caregiving  which is populated by some truly gifted, caring individuals.

 

Best wishes, truly.  And may you and yours enjoy a marvelous 2018.

glittery hello.gif

 

 

 

 

 

"The key to success is to keep growing in all areas of life - mental, emotional, spiritual, as well as physical." Julius Erving
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Info Seeker

Newbie Here! Longdistance caregiving is tough!

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Message 5 of 5

Greeetings!

 

I live hundreds of miles from my aging parents -- 82 and 80.  The last few weeks have been really difficult.  Dad's been in the hospital and mother has become increasingly hostile to changes. And big changes are coming.

When the hospital asked Dad to choose a continuous care facility for his next stint of PT and OT, mom went beserk. She refused to do any research and believes that if she doesn't choose one, they simply won't put him in one. 

My poor brother (lives about 3 hours away) has been doing the best he can, but the acceleration of their neediness is really difficult..

I am going to be mining these forums for a lot of help!!

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