Hi there,
My mom is recently widowed and lives alone. She's 75 and has Parkinson's and mild cognitive impairment. She lives next door to a former co-worker, Pam, who has become a friend. Pam is 15 years younger. Mom is fairly independent (drives, shops, cooks to a limited degree), although she has a nurse who comes once a week to help arrange meds. I live several hours away and so I'm only there about once a month.
Pam seems friendly and generous but I noticed she is also on the bossy and nosy side, and sometimes my mom reports that Pam tells her what to do or gets frustrated with my mom. But, my mom also says she loves Pam and Pam helps her out so much (running little errands, going to eat with her, or helping her with random small household things).
At some point, Pam started helping my mom pay her bills. Pam had her passwords and also switched over my mom's phone to her own account. So my mom now pays Pam a monthly cell phone bill. Pam also rearranged my mom's pill organization system from a tackle box to individual baggies. She also changed my mom's garage door code to an insecure code (think 111111) which I'm not happy about.
I started to feel uncomfortable about the finances and pills, so I asked my mom to let family only help her with finances, which she agree to. I also asked Pam not to touch my mom's medications. Pam responded in a hurt, negative way to both requests: "Well, if you don't want me to help..." I reassured her that my mom loves having a friendly neighbor and friend next door, but that I felt these two things were better handled by family and my mom's medical providers. I hired a nurse to come in once a week to rearrange my mom's meds which solved the meds issue. After this conversation, Pam stopped coming over to my mom's when I'm there. (She used to come and say hi.)
I changed all of my mom's passwords and have been managing her bills for about a year. Today, my mom called to tell me she has an appointment at a new bank and Pam is going with her. My mom had a question about her home equity line of credit (an old debt that she is anxious about) and asked Pam. Pam suggested she refinance this loan, suggested a bank, and told my mom she'd take her there because she's also doing the same thing at the same time (refinancing buddy system, I guess?)
It sounds like my mom's interest rate will be a couple of points lower at this new bank, which is great, but I feel a little weird about this person being with my mom at this appointment given her personality and the past. Since it's a debt it seems like there probably isn't any worry of financial abuse though--is that correct? Or should I be wary? I asked my mom to be in on the meeting via phone and she agreed. I'm my mom's POA.
I guess I'm being paranoid, but I worry about my mom and someone taking advantage of her. My husband feels like Pam is just nosy and not to worry about, but my dad (my mom's ex-husband) says I should keep an eye on her and that "people get weird about money." I guess I mainly want to know whether it's unusual or ok for a neighbor to accompany my mom to a loan refinancing meeting, and whether I'm being too paranoid about this person, who might just be someone trying to help.
Thanks.