Reply
Highlighted
Info Seeker
0
Kudos
921
Views

Re: My elderly mother's neighbor and finances--is this ok?

921 Views
Message 1 of 12

I think it is very strange that this person is so involved with your mother's personal information. Pam may be a friend but that is what she only is.  Any financial changes or whatnot should be handled by you as her power of attorney.  I too had a line credit that needed to be refinanced so I know it is a worry for us older folks but that being said you should be the only one handling her refinance.

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
921
Views
Highlighted
Info Seeker
0
Kudos
1182
Views

Re: My elderly mother's neighbor and finances--is this ok?

1,182 Views
Message 2 of 12

My stomach is tied up in knots just reading this.  Pam's name should be spelled NIGHTMARE.  I hope that you have contacted an elder care attorney.  I would do a background check on her to see if there have been any other incidents similar to yours.  I think you are right to be concerned.  I think her responses make it very likely that she has ulterior motives.  Please post an update.  

 

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
1182
Views
Conversationalist
0
Kudos
2597
Views

Re: My elderly mother's neighbor and finances--is this ok?

2,597 Views
Message 3 of 12

Pam sounds WAY to interested in "helping" your mother. My guts started churning right off and tied right up in knots when you told about visiting the bank together. Definitely something to worry about. Since it's a month ago that this was happening it would be nice to know how this all turned out. We hope OK. Please let us know.  

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
2597
Views
Highlighted
Bronze Conversationalist
0
Kudos
2712
Views

Re: My elderly mother's neighbor and finances--is this ok?

2,712 Views
Message 4 of 12

This just came up in my email today so it may be a little late since your posting is over a month old, but here goes.  Personally I hate to be cynical but this neighbor really has no business involving herself in your mom's financial affairs.  Seriously, if she were truly above board then why not ask for your number and talk to you if she has concerns about your mom.  We read and watch programs all the time about elderly people being scammed.  I don't know if that is the woman's intention but you need to really keep a close eye on this.  People prey on the elderly when there are no family members close by.  Under no circumstances would I allow this woman to accompany your mom to the bank without a family member present.  Unfortunately, you may alienate this neighbor but it's better to be cautious.  The fact that she got all defensive when you wanted to change the way your mom's medication is handled raises a red flag to me.  Keep cautious Jaimie.  It's better to be safe than sorry.  Hope I helped you just a bit.

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
2712
Views
Highlighted
Info Seeker
0
Kudos
3129
Views

Re: My elderly mother's neighbor and finances--is this ok?

3,129 Views
Message 5 of 12

This is definitely not a good thing! Make changes to everything immediately!!

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
3129
Views
Highlighted
Conversationalist
0
Kudos
3189
Views

Re: My elderly mother's neighbor and finances--is this ok?

3,189 Views
Message 6 of 12

NOBODY outside of immediate family (though in certain familes, even that's not an option) should be considered safe.  If there isn't a financially stable family member who can be trusted, hire someone who is bonded. Set up automatic debits for utility payments so checks don't have to be written. Use only 1 crefit card for all other purchases and monitor it and bank accounts closely. 

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
3189
Views
Highlighted
AARP Expert
0
Kudos
4545
Views

Re: My elderly mother's neighbor and finances--is this ok?

4,545 Views
Message 7 of 12
Excellent, glad to hear it. Yes, boundaries are a good thing! Carry on...
Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
4545
Views
Highlighted
Contributor
0
Kudos
4552
Views

Re: My elderly mother's neighbor and finances--is this ok?

4,552 Views
Message 8 of 12

Thanks. I just needed help with this specific question regarding a neighbor and boundaries. 

 

I read A Bittersweet Season after my stepdad died and have taken care of everything you've mentioned, and then some, but thank you.  

Report Inappropriate Content
0
Kudos
4552
Views
Highlighted
AARP Expert
1
Kudos
4559
Views

Re: My elderly mother's neighbor and finances--is this ok?

4,559 Views
Message 9 of 12

@JamieE244040 wrote:

Thank you, I am so glad I asked. This made me realize something when you said "deed"--as part of estate planning last year, my mom's lawyer encouraged us to set up an irrevocable trust for the house, with my sister and I as trustees. My mom deeded the house over to us then. I just did a quick google search, and who knows if this is correct, but I saw some things are concerning--that the whole amount of her HELOC might become due if a property is transferred to someone else. I don't know if a trust counts as that, but it seems like it might. Holy crap, and another reason a neighbor shouldn't be involved in my mom's finances! 

 

>>Will the bank even let her sign the papers or should they? 

 

That is a good question. She has a financial advisor for her 401k, and he let me know that he was concerned at one point about her ability to manage her account. (I've now mostly taken over that responsibility, although my mom still calls him from time to time.) So, if she showed up a bank and they notice she has trouble following the details, I can see that being a problem.

 

>>And hey, since they are at the (new) bank anyway - maybe they could open up a new joint credit card.  Or maybe the neighbor needs a co-signer on whatever loan she is trying to get.

 

Thanks, these are all good things to watch for. I'm going to ask my mom to hold off on going into this bank.

 

I'm not great at finances and learning how to help my mom manage this stuff has been a learning curve. Thanks again.

 

 


GaiLL is always on the ball. I have other questions. I used to be a geriatric care manager and in the metropolitan area of DC and surrounds, there were bill paying services that would take care of everything. Why is your mom refinancing? I think its long overdue for your mom and other invested members of the family to sit down with an elder law attorney to look at assets and possible care options down the road. Does she have enough money to pay for a paid aide who could help her with more than Pam can? Could she pay for a geriatric care manager who can look in on her and go with her to doc appointments, advise you and your siblings on next steps, check the home for fall risks.... At some point she's going to need more care than your long distance oversight can manage. 

 

Right?

Jane

Report Inappropriate Content
1
Kudos
4559
Views
Highlighted
Contributor
1
Kudos
4607
Views

Re: My elderly mother's neighbor and finances--is this ok?

4,607 Views
Message 10 of 12

Thank you, I am so glad I asked. This made me realize something when you said "deed"--as part of estate planning last year, my mom's lawyer encouraged us to set up an irrevocable trust for the house, with my sister and I as trustees. My mom deeded the house over to us then. I just did a quick google search, and who knows if this is correct, but I saw some things are concerning--that the whole amount of her HELOC might become due if a property is transferred to someone else. I don't know if a trust counts as that, but it seems like it might. Holy crap, and another reason a neighbor shouldn't be involved in my mom's finances! 

 

>>Will the bank even let her sign the papers or should they? 

 

That is a good question. She has a financial advisor for her 401k, and he let me know that he was concerned at one point about her ability to manage her account. (I've now mostly taken over that responsibility, although my mom still calls him from time to time.) So, if she showed up a bank and they notice she has trouble following the details, I can see that being a problem.

 

>>And hey, since they are at the (new) bank anyway - maybe they could open up a new joint credit card.  Or maybe the neighbor needs a co-signer on whatever loan she is trying to get.

 

Thanks, these are all good things to watch for. I'm going to ask my mom to hold off on going into this bank.

 

I'm not great at finances and learning how to help my mom manage this stuff has been a learning curve. Thanks again.

 

 

Report Inappropriate Content
1
Kudos
4607
Views
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Users
Announcements

AARP Coronavirus Call-in Event

AARP will host a weekly, live Coronavirus Information Tele-Town Hall on Thursdays at 1 pm (ET). Learn more on AARP's Coronavirus Tele-Town Hall page and join us each week for the latest information.

Calling is toll-free. During the 90-minute live event, government experts will answer your questions and address health concerns related to COVID-19.

Top Authors