I'm sorry you haven't received a message about this yet. Summer: where did everybody go, including me??
I used to be a geriatric care manager, and making the transition from one place to another can be really hard. There are several sources of advice. Your 97 year old mother isn't going to be a happy camper no matter what, so minimizing her trauma (and the trauma to you and your husband!) is important, but keep expectations low. She won't be happy no matter what. The goal is, as you point out, a happier marriage and quieter home, and appropriate professional care for her.
I'd go to her doctor and ask for something like xanax, one of the benzodiazapines, or something that will calm her for that day of the move. Move her stuff and then move her into the space that will look like her space, with familiar items in it, including pictures and art that she loves. Perhaps plan a day for her to be out with your husband, or someone else whom she trusts, and that's when you move her stuff to the new place and decorate her room. Then put the pill in with the usual pills, and take her there. Tell her you love her, and leave. It's kinda like leaving your child for the first day of preschool. You can cry in the car.
After she's ensconced in the facility, you can ask other folks to visit her, like a minister, or anyone she trusts, but you and your husband are not to visit for a while. The facility admission person will tell you this: keep away for something like 2 weeks so she can realize this is her new home.
Ask the doctor, ask the admissions person, if there is a social worker, as her, and then just do it.
And let us know how it goes.
that's my advice. That and $3.50 will buy you a latte. But it's worked for my clients.
best of luck!
Jane