Re: Mom's future care

Only-Child-1 · ‎09-04-2018

Hi I am my mom's caretaker. She has been with me for 6 years, is 92 with COPD, AFIB, CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE, DEFECTIVE AORTA, on oxygen 24/7. We are currently in the hospital with breathing problems. She also has some demintia. I am 74 years old with an Aorta valve replacement.

Mom is reaching the point where she can't walk without assistance, because if her breathing.

I am undecided if I should put her in Assisted living, Adult day care, or hire help full time. The hospital has said most of her breathing is due to her heart problems. There isn't much they can do for her. She just sits in her recliner at home. I just don't know what to do any more. I don't like nursing homes. Any suggestions

What I can do?

JaneCares · ‎09-16-2018

@Only-Child-1 wrote:
Hi I am my mom's caretaker. She has been with me for 6 years, is 92 with COPD, AFIB, CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE, DEFECTIVE AORTA, on oxygen 24/7. We are currently in the hospital with breathing problems. She also has some demintia. I am 74 years old with an Aorta valve replacement.
Mom is reaching the point where she can't walk without assistance, because if her breathing.
I am undecided if I should put her in Assisted living, Adult day care, or hire help full time. The hospital has said most of her breathing is due to her heart problems. There isn't much they can do for her. She just sits in her recliner at home. I just don't know what to do any more. I don't like nursing homes. Any suggestions

What I can do?

thank you so much for writing

i have an idea that might seem pretty radical, but hear me out. I used to be a hospice social worker. I believe your mother is eligible for home hospice, and not because she's near death (although she might be). But because Medicare is pretty generous with very elderly people with chronic illnesses. Does she want to be kept alive on a respirator if her lungs fail? Probably not. Would she rather be home? Probably. Would you benefit from the home hospice team coming to see her several times a week, supporting you both in various ways? You betcha.

She would get an RN at least once per week. Her medications that are related to her terminal illnesses, (CHF and COPD, maybe others) would be covered by the hospice benefit and delivered to your home. A physician would come by once a quarter, and more often if necessary, and is always available to you and the team. A home health aide would come to bathe her and get her ready for the day between once per week and 3 times per week. A chaplain is optional and usually totally awesome. A social worker comes at least once to see if you have what you need. Home equipment, like oxygen, and a hospital bed, is covered and delivered.

You would not have 24 hour support in the home, but you'd have a voice on the other end of the phone 24/7, and if at 3am she starts to throw up, say, a nurse will come.

With the kind of support home hospice provides, you could hire some additional help at home. But you wouldn't be trying to get her to and from doctor appointments, or to the pharmacy. She can stay home and never again be hospitalized. You have support of information, home visits, and counseling if needed.

There's an article about home hospice here: https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/basics/info-2017/hospice-facts.html

She might live for several years with this kind of support. I think her prognosis is less than several years, but she doesn't have to freak out about, what, am i dying??? Well we all are, and wouldn't you rather live out your days in the house instead of back and forth to the hospital?

Think about it?

And write more?

Jane

Yogagal56 · ‎09-14-2018

It’s such a difficult decision, isn’t it. I am an only child also. I think if you can afford to hire someone to help you at home, you might be happier given your dislike of nursing homes. I don’t want my mom in one either, mainly because of my mother’s personality. She would be so uncomfortable and self conscious. She is not social and is extremely introverted. Hope you find the best for your mom due to her health and yours!